to think DH is selfish and DC NEEDS to sleep?

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

DS is almost 3 and has a daily nap after lunch whilst can last up to 3 hours. He gets really clumsy, behaviour starts to slip etc just before his nap and is vile if he hasn't slept.

Now I understands why DH finds this frustrating....days out are well, mornings out. Today he just wouldn't listen to me when I said look we really need to leave now. DS was getting a bit wild and not listening, next thing you know DH tells him off and DS has a major tantrum. Trip out ends badly.

DH and MIL both think this afternoon sleep is "mad at his age".....along with "potty training should have been done last year" type statements. DS is now potty trained but just can not cope without a day sleep and I think DH and MIL need to remember I am at home with my children all week and I know how lack of sleep builds up and leds to stress!

A little part of me is a bit worried it may be unusual though.....AIBU?

I think 3 hours in the afternoon is quite a lot. What time does he go to bed in the evening? Could you reduce the time of the afternoon nap and bring forward his bedtime?

He goes to sleep at 7pm. Most days its more like 2 ish hours. The trouble is he is so grumpy if you wake him up un naturally.

he's sleeping rather too much and missing out on a lot.

I'd reduce his afternoon sleep by 1.5 hours, down to less than 1.5 hours, and put him to bed an hour earlier.

All children are different. What time does he go to bed though? I realised my DS needed to stop napping when bedtimes were getting more and more difficult, that was at about 2 1/2 yrs. DS2 went down to 1 nap a day when bedtimes got more difficult, and as a result his 1 nap is also better than his 2 naps used to be.

Wake him anyway, with a drink and a biscuit, and then put him to bed at 6?

i don't think it's mad for him to sleep. if he needs to sleep he needs to sleep! 3 hours seems excessive, but if he sleeps ok at night then your call

will he not sleep in the buggy?
i have to admit that i would not cut days out short just because of it. i would put him in pushchair to either sleep or at least just have a rest if he doesn't sleep and continue with days out

Ds still slept for an hour or so at that age at about 11am. However, he would sleep in car which made him bit more flexible.

I can completely understand why its so frustrating, days out cant happen and thats a shame.

I think Id try him without a sleep one day with no stress and maybe let him nap 2-3 on the way home or something?? At least then you'd get 5 hours somewhere?

My son still slept in the day aged 4. Your son needs to sleep or he wouldn't nap for that wrong. Bollocks to the books, the kids don't read them. And fwiw my son wasn't trained until 3 1/2.

I understand your point about lack of sleep leading to poor behaviour and every child is different - but - I have to say up to 3 hours sleep every day for a nearly 3 year sounds excessive. My youngest dd is 2 in Oct and she is starting to drop her nap I miss the time her naps (ofteen 2 hours plus) gave me during the day but I appreciate the ease in getting her to bed at about 7pm and she sleeps better at night.

What time does your ds go to bed and how long does he sleep? If he is making up for a lack of night time sleep during the day then maybe you can look at a reduced nap and an earlier bedtime? If you are missing out on family activities in order to get your ds to bed I can't help thinking you are losing out. You have to keep testing your childrens stamina as they grow and change so quickly and I know I was surprised how easily my dd managed without her buggy on a walk round the woods the over week something she would not have managed 2 months ago.

It is often the case that when we go out for the day our 3 children play hard get overexcited and boisterous or shouty etc. but we take them for a sit down and something to eat. Then continue with our day, as long as they are having fun then sleep can wait till they are in the car or buggy (in dd2 case). Even my 6 yo ds still falls asleep on the way home after a day out sometimes and that is fine.

We have to make the most of the time we have while the children are not committed to a school timetable - once that starts you regret any missed opportunities caused by over enthusiastic adherence to self-imposed rules and routines iyswim.

Its just so frustrating when he is getting told off because I know he is so tired! I have no problem about putting him to bed at 6pm but he would really struggle everyday without a nap. Couls try cutting it down.....actually I did that yesterday as we had a party to go to......he was vile for the first few hours but interesting about giving him a drink and biscuit...maybe he does get low blood sugar?

I know it is hard when you can see that poor behaviour is due to needing a nap - but I get really grumpy if not fed regularly (dh flatly refuses to go anywhere with me if I haven't had brekfast!) - so I always ensure dd1 (who is just like me) has fruit and drinks on hand to manage any energy lulls which end in tantrums!

Your DS sounds a lot like mine. He regularly slept for 3+ hours in the afternoon at that age and was grumpy and difficult if he didn't sleep. Whether it is usual or not is irrelevant, your son needs his nap!

It's also possible that putting him to bed even earlier in the evenings would probably cause him to wake up, starving, at the crack of dawn.

It won't last forever. Ignore your MIL and let DH cope with him if he insists on keeping him from his nap for a day! You will all appreciate days out more when he's a bit older and able to go without a nap, at least occasionally. FWIW my DS is now 4 and still sleeps sometimes but only once a week max, and could manage a full day out without a nap at about 3.6.

DS1 was still having lunchtime naps until he was nearly 4! Each child is different and if your DS needs a lunch time sleep, then that's just the way it is.

Ignore your MIL - and if your DS will fall asleep in a buggy while you're out and about you can still have days out (just work in a walk with him in the buggy around his nap time) so your DH will hopefully lighten up on the lunchtime sleep being for babies approach as he'll get to have a full day out...

DD is 4 and will still nap during the day if it has been a particularly exciting one. so will DS for that matter, and he is almost 6.
DS was still sleeping for around 2 hours at 3 yo.

My DS was napping until he was well over 4, but he could zonk out just about anywhere and the odd day without a nap didn't have such dire consequences as for your DS.

So I don't think his need to nap is strange at all. But if you want your family life to change, then you can cut it down by about 10 mins every few days and see how you get on.

If he needs 2-3hours nap in the afternoon then that's what he needs. He'll grow out of it. If out on trips, mine would get into the pushchair once they were tired and fall asleep there.

Some of my children have been the same. I even had to swap one from an afternoon playgroup session to the morning one as they told me he just went in and fell asleep in the corner so might as well do that at home.

At nursery, I always chose the morning session and then they would come home and have a nap.

For me though, I would wake them up if they were looking like going longer than 2hours as I knew it would mean they would be difficult to settle in the evening.

He is a rubbish eater!! I could offer him a wedge of chocolate cake and he would say "no thank-you" His diet or rather low intake of food does really worry me. He only weights 2stones.....looks slim too.
castille your so right. He is starving for breakfast some days.

He is full of cold too at the moment so that doesn't help. Its hard dinkystinky I would try the buggy sleep thing but just started to be dry in the day now.....would I need to put him in a pull up if he slept in the buggy?

just take a small towel with you to lay in the buggy if he sleeps while you're out.

it's silly to cut days out short just because he needs a nap if he will sleep in the buggy.
and even if he doesn't sleep for so long he'll be fine i'm sure.

my middle one is the same with being awful when woken and blood sugar is def a big part of that. I always make sure i have a drink of oat milk ready for him as soon as he wakes

As long as he sleep at night, he needs the sleep. People are forever telling me ds (3) is ready to drop his nap, but he isn't. Some days he doesn't sleep and is ok, but most he is so tried, he is almost dropping. He has 2 hours.

Although I think you could just leave ds to MIL and dh to handle it seams unfair on your ds. If we have a long day out, we set off early and thn he sleeps in the car on the way home.

Agree with taking him out and letting him nap in buggy or car.

When at home, my (almost 3yr old) ds will usually had a midday nap (along with his baby sister). These last between 2-3 hours usually. However if out for the day, he will often just stay awake. He used to sleep in the buggy if he got tired but now he walks and his sister has the buggy. I am in no hurry to put an end to his naps as they give me a needed break.

My PIL's think he is too old to be having a daytime nap but since they still have one every day, it is a bit hypocritical . We also get the potty training comments but I ignore these like the weaning advice (starting at 6 weeks).

I don't know if a drink and a biscuit would work (having never had to try it), but it would probably help his mood if woken up and faced with a treat.

As his mother you probably know what is best for him.

I do however have a friend with a son the same age, who still insists he needs a daytime nap. She says if he doesn't have it he is "vile" but I've seen him being what she calls "vile" in the morning, at lunchtime, in the afternoon...at the end of the day, he is a handful, but he's nearly 3, so the past year has been in the full pelt of terrible 2's, so he will be "vile" sometimes, of course its worse when they are tired but not always because they are tired, if that makes sense, though only you'd know with yours as you spend every day with him.

But there are other signs in my opinion why my friend's child doesn't "need" the nap - firstly, he protests for ages and keeps getting out of bed, seldom actually falls asleep for very long and generally plays up. She also complains because he wakes up at 6 in the morning, or even half 5... and I think it can become a vicious circle - child wakes early because they didn't really need the nap, but then is out of routine so seems to "need" the nap even more. You end up with 3 year olds having 3 hour naps yet waking early or not going to bed.

If that sounds like you, perhaps you could try and drop it, but it does sound like it is cutting into your day. It is very liberating when children no longer need daytime sleep. My son dropped his at 18 months, which may sound early but in actual fact he's always slept 7:30pm -7:30am and has never been "vile" so it seems to work for him.

If someone else is trying to tell you what to do when they are around, perhaps let them, and see what happens? If they are wrong, it will be displayed to them, if they are right, you have learned something and broken the mould.

some children need/like more sleep than others

the fact he sleeps 2/3hrs and back in bed at 7 means he needs it-as long as not getting up at 5am lol

my dc have always liked sleep and my middle dc almost 5 starts school next week, and for the past 6/12mths have been weaning him off his afternoon as obv cant sleep at school he still falls asleep sometimes in car if long journey but ok to wake up

baby - well toddler 2yr sleeps 2/3hrs a day and in bed and sleeps 12hrs at night BUT the difference is that my dc will sleep anywhere, so if out with older 2, then toddler will sleep in buggy/friends cot/bed/car so days out arnt ruined

I found with my first child I was a little PFB about naps, well it wasn't so much PFB as for my own convenience I suppose and simply because I had the choice, but I'd always try to get home for nap time - to the extent where I'd be trying to keep him awake in the car by poking him and singing to him etc so he'd wait till we were home if we were on our way back for nap (!) but that was more because I needed the time to myself to catch up on things. In fact, with subsequent children I've also found its BETTER if they have their nap at home in their cot, however its not always possible due to activities of older children. Consequently, they tend to cope well with being woken halfway through, sleeping in the car, buggy, etc...

I was a terrible mother who used to mostly let them sleep as much as they wanted.

When my oldest started Kindergarten at 3&1/2 he had an afternoon place 1.30-5.30

He would sometimes crash out as soon as he got home & sleep until 7.30 the next morning.

So I would say, OP, how much sleep is your son getting all together?

Oh and as a teenager now he is just about capable of sleeping the clock round again, given the chance.

However, I would say to go out & see how you get on.