not wanting to go into too much detail, but does this email sound ok to send, or do i sound like a completely neurotic bitch?
dh went out to play golf yesterday - i thought for a few hours, turned out to be 7 hours, with his female 'golf buddy' who i think he's been spending too much time with.
i got vv upset & it ended with a volley of phone calls & a huge row between me & dh. now i'm not even sure if he wants to stay married & can't sleep or cope at all really.
he still wants to go & play golf again this weekend, because he works hard & deserves some time off. he does work hard, he does deserve a break. he also likes to escape, partly because i can be too clingy & controlling, BUT i think a man who is not sure whether he wants to stay married should not be going off for an entire day, including several hours in the pub, with his best mate's wife, just the two of them.
if this sounds familiar, i posted about 'round one' of this last week. i think he's just using her as an escape & a bit of an 'emotional affair' but am now not sure. anyway, i think i do owe her an explanation as she must have noticed the increasingly terse phone calls when she was with him (yet still they stayed out), and i wonder if sending her an email would get relayed back to him. of course, it wouldn't prove anything, except how 'good' their friendship is & how on the outside i am.
so - your thoughts on me sending this.
Dear D
After my phone calls interrupted your drinks last night, i feel that I owe you an explanation. As you have noticed, I am finding it very difficult being at home without a job. In fact, as soon as dd is back at school, I will be seeing the doctor about ongoing depression, and lack of sleep.
The move here has been very hard for me to adapt to, and staying home all the time is something I struggle with. I am constantly homesick and lonely.
Of course H deserves some time to unwind at the weekend, but I need time for that as well. I want him to have friends and hobbies, but I actually get very anxious when he is out of the house, particularly when, like yesterday, I was expecting him home several hours earlier than he appeared.
I don't want to get you involved with our silly marital tiffs, but just trying to let you know why I 'need' to know what H is up to atm. Normally, I am far more laid back about these things, but until I can get some ads, sleeping pills & counselling (or anything else i can 'score' from the doctor), I will remain in an anxious state, and lack of sleeping is killing me right now.
xxx
It's a really bad idea, isn't it?
if nothing is going on, then i look like even more of a loon than i do already, if something is going on, they will just ping this back & forth between them & dh will have one more thing to get mad at me about.
i have to go out with dd now, for several hours, but would like to know what people think. i sleep so badly anyway, even sleeping tablets are of no use, and I have lost all perspective.
btw, she is supposed to be my friend, & suffers from anxiety herself, so i would expect her to understand.