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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit upset at this womans comment

43 replies

redderthanred · 30/08/2010 08:44

Was out at car boot yesterday on my own with my dd whos 4. Woman was opposite with 3 children, one teenager, one 8 and one 7 ( i know because i asked them)
We brought something from their stall, they brought something from ours and the girls were doing that looking at each other smiling thing and being shy.

I persuaded dd to go across and ask if they wanted to play, which they did for about 4 hours. Under the table, round the cars, in the cars, but they were fine.

DD was in their car just as i was about to go, so i went to get her. The mum said ' is she an only child, because you can tell. With onlys they just want to play and play and play. But mine dont really care as they have contact with children all the time'

Im a bit put out by that. DD is 4, 3 years yuonger than her youngest, show me a 4 year old that doesnt want to play!!

PLus, she plays with children all the time, shes at nursery 4 days a week and we have playdates as well.

I feel a bit miffed

OP posts:

belgo · 30/08/2010 08:46

Don't take offense. It's a stupid comment; I have three children who all want to play with other children all the time.

Psammead · 30/08/2010 08:47

Maybe it was a clumsy compliment? As in 'oh, your DD is so happy and active and loves to play - and look at mine! Worn out in no time flat' or some such thing.

bearcrumble · 30/08/2010 08:48

Silly cow. All children want to play.

Original poster

redderthanred · 30/08/2010 08:49

no - it wasnt a compliment.

Plus, i had given her children a drink and had brought some donuts and after asking her if it was ok, gave them one each,

I kind of thought it was ok, the children had fun, and it would have been quite boring for them otherwise, I watched them for a bit then she did.... win/win.

OP posts:

The3Bears · 30/08/2010 08:53

Stupid comment, I wish people would stop labeling only children its annoying.

diddl · 30/08/2010 08:53

If anything I would think that the 7yr old had had enough & didn´t know how to "get out of it", or the mother didn´t want to be having to watch a 4yr old at all.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 30/08/2010 08:54

I don't think she meant to be unkind. Only children tend to have to use their imaginations a lot and end up being very resourceful, good at keeping themselves amused and also happy in their own company.

However, there is an image of 'the only child' who can't interact with other children, won't share their toys, seem a bit aloof or a bit needy. And it's all terribly unhelpful.

I should mention that I'm an only child. I've had similar comments for years. The best/most common one is 'but you don't seem like an only child'. Whatever that means.

Shaz10 · 30/08/2010 08:56

I don't get the only child thing either. I'm one of two, I have friends who are 'onlies', friends who are one of two or three, and friends who are one of what seems like thousands. :) I don't notice any difference with any of them.

Original poster

redderthanred · 30/08/2010 08:58

diddl - well, it wasnt so much watching, as just overlooking ( making sure they were not out of sight)
And i had her DD's for more than half the time. ( and fed and watered them :)

OP posts:

belgo · 30/08/2010 08:59

She sounds very ungrateful in that case.

opiussun · 30/08/2010 09:01

YANBU, she was being rude even if it was unintentionally.

Now I'm going to be intentionally rude I'm afraid

It's 'bought' and not 'brought'.

You 'bought' your food from Tesco.

You 'brought' your children with you to Tesco.

Buy- bought

Bring- brought

I don't want to overly pedantic at this time of the morning, but I can't not say anything!

Original poster

redderthanred · 30/08/2010 09:03

i dont care - my typung is crap and i know it

i have a level english. i am fully aware of the correct grammer. im just a rubbish typer who doesnt proof read

OP posts:

Maria2007loveshersleep · 30/08/2010 09:04

Very rude comment & totally unnecessary.

I also get pissed off with comments people make about only children. My son is 2 yrs old & already I've been getting comments about when we'll have a second and we 'can't let him be an only child, we just can't, he'll hate it as he's so social!' Gets on my nerves.

But then again, people make comments about all sorts of things :(.

McSnail · 30/08/2010 09:05

I don't think she was rude at all.

I think you are too sensitive. And BU.

Original poster

redderthanred · 30/08/2010 09:09

well i thought so. I would never make a comment on how many chilren sdomeone had. You just dont know the circumstances.

DD is an only because i got divorced. It is highly unlikely that i will have another, im 32 single and i have PCOS.

Im fine with it, I have mourned the loss of the children i wont have, and dd and i have a fab time, and im not sure i would go back to the baby stage now at all. Things are so easy as its just me and her. Lots of freedom :0

i was one of 4 and i cant really say my childhood was better, or we all have fab relationships because we are sibblings, in fact, the opposite is true. Noone talks the the middle sister and youngest sister and brother dont talk. Im not currently talking to younger brother......

Siblings are complicated, and sibling rivlary cant last forever, not forgetting the comparassions... you were the best one at this, i was not good at this, everyone thought this bcease you did this... etc.. etc..

but in any case, it was just bloody rude of her i thought.

OP posts:

gorionine · 30/08/2010 09:10

DD4 is 4 she has 3 siblings and she wants to play all the time with anyone. As soon as we get to any park she just wizzes off with "her friends" even if she has never seen them before. I do not think wanting to play is an "only child" exclusivity.

Opissun, She could have bought the donuts and left them home but she indeed bought the donuts and brought them to the car boot sale.Non?

UnePrune · 30/08/2010 09:13

I'm the mother of an only child, not by my choice. People with more than one really don't understand how upsetting it can be to have comments made specifically about only children, even if it's a nice, innocuous comment (as this one probably was).
I don't know the figures, but certainly some parents of only children are struggling with not having any more children and that's of course because of guilt that the child will be lonely. I feel it's probably one of those things that is best not commented on because you never know who's happy with it and who's lying awake at night with a weight on their chest feeling like a failure.

duchesse · 30/08/2010 09:17

Sounds like a drive-by to me. Think nothing more of it.

diddl · 30/08/2010 09:25

Hang on-so your daughter is an only child, and the woman either guessed or heard your daughter say it.

Then dropped it into the conversation to appear smart.

It´s not worth spending any more time thinking about imo.

anyabanya · 30/08/2010 09:34

People who make stupid generalisations about onlies (or anything else) are just stupid and smug.

Next time respond with 'Well, I find that children with siblings tend to be attention-seeking drama queens, because their parents cannot give them any individual attention'.

An equally crap, stupid generalisation IMO, but might just draw them up a bit.

onebadbaby · 30/08/2010 09:34

She probably didn't mean to offend.

My dd is an only one and I find she is more sociable than her friends who have siblings. Not sure if it is because of this or just her personality. She is very generous with her possessions, think it might be because she never has to defend herself from siblings so doesn't automatically expect things to be taken from her. She has also never had to fight for attention so she is secure and happy. She gets lots of time to be herself and appreciates playing with other when she has the opportunity.

Take no notice- no two children are brought up the same. They all have a different experience, it doesn't mean that one is better than another just different.

anyabanya · 30/08/2010 09:37

what onebadbaby says.

ChippingIn · 30/08/2010 09:40

Oppiussun....--->>>> Pedants corner - please feel free to use it, it is SO rude to comment on the other boards. Thankfully, redderthanred wasn't upset by your rudeness but others might be. It is a casual chat board, not an english exam.

Redderthanred - there have been lots of studies that show there are certain behaviours/traits that are due to the positioning in families (eldest child, middle, youngest, only etc etc) and I think you can tell, quite often, where a child 'fits' in the family - however, her comment is inaccurate and does have the ring of 'poor deprived child' so it was a bit rude and a bit odd - but really, people are rude & odd all the time - don't let it bother you

Maria2007loveshersleep · 30/08/2010 09:45

Oppiussun, I agree with ChippingIn, very rude to be making comments about OP's use of english. What were you trying to prove?!

Original poster

redderthanred · 30/08/2010 09:52

she was probably trying to prove it was good i only had one child. so my terrible grammer and typing skills arent passed on!

Could you imagine the horror if they were!!!!

haha..

it is a casual chat board. though i do have to admitt to never proof read things, and bing incrediably sloppy with my typing.

I dont care, its a small fault to have and i have plenty of other things im good at :)

Anyway - we are off crab fishing and for a picnic with another mum and her poor only child.

and we shall sit and despair as they wont know how to talk to each other, or share, or anything... the poor old chilren!!!

haha

OP posts:

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