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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit upset at this womans comment

43 replies

redderthanred · 30/08/2010 08:44

Was out at car boot yesterday on my own with my dd whos 4. Woman was opposite with 3 children, one teenager, one 8 and one 7 ( i know because i asked them)
We brought something from their stall, they brought something from ours and the girls were doing that looking at each other smiling thing and being shy.

I persuaded dd to go across and ask if they wanted to play, which they did for about 4 hours. Under the table, round the cars, in the cars, but they were fine.

DD was in their car just as i was about to go, so i went to get her. The mum said ' is she an only child, because you can tell. With onlys they just want to play and play and play. But mine dont really care as they have contact with children all the time'

Im a bit put out by that. DD is 4, 3 years yuonger than her youngest, show me a 4 year old that doesnt want to play!!

PLus, she plays with children all the time, shes at nursery 4 days a week and we have playdates as well.

I feel a bit miffed

OP posts:

Original poster

redderthanred · 30/08/2010 09:57

oh and oppiussun - i also have 3 alevels at grade a.
surely proof that standards are indeed slipping eh?!!

[grin}

OP posts:

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 30/08/2010 09:58

YANBU - It was a crass comment.

Oppiussun - Jeez! I'm an English teacher and renowned for being a pendant with the kids' grammar. However, I'd never correct someone's grammar on a thread. How patronising! Off you pop to Pedants' Corner, now there's a dear....

ChippingIn · 30/08/2010 10:00

I used to proof read (for ££) - after so much time on MN I don't think I'd be any good anymore - I now see what should be there, rather than what is there... I never proof read my own posts and sometimes when you go back to a thread I see glaring errors - but I don't even feel the need to correct my own posts let alone anyone elses - it's just so wanky.

I do hope your poor, sad, deprived only children have a lovely time as you have clearly taken the time to 'find a friend' for them so they wont be lonely today

QS · 30/08/2010 10:12

OP
Could it be that the woman being a mum to older children were no longer used to the high intensity of play that a 4 year old usually engages in? Her dds were probably a lot calmer, and she probably was just commenting on the whirldwind of play that your dd brought with her?

Could it be that it was really tiresome for her? Even if you fed and watered her children, and looked after the group for half of the time, she might have found it too much keep an eye out for 4 children being everywhere and up to anything, even if it was nearby?

My oldest is 8, and my youngst is 5. They are totally different, and I find it a lot harder to look after them both at the same time, as the younger will usually set the tone, and I end up having two children fooling around at high speed, and there is no knowing what they will get up to.

When the 8 year old is on his own, or with children of similar ages and up, he is quiet and contemplative, and plays quietly, or reads.

Original poster

redderthanred · 30/08/2010 10:18

qs - could be
they all had ds's with them. and laptops.

but hey ho. She could have told them not to play. or stopped them from coming over to mine when DD was having a rest couldnt she.

She could have told them to calm down and sit quietly.

and i do have to say again, it wasnt really looking after in any way shape or form. It was just keeping an eye out. That was it. We were both running car boot sales on our own. So not like it was providing the entertainment.

but even if that was what it is, it was still rude to make such a comment. I didnt make a comment on her children, and would never dream of doing so...

OP posts:

QS · 30/08/2010 10:21

It was still rude to comment, she may just have been exasperated. She had probably expected her girls to sit quietly engaged in activity, maybe even help mann her stall, and was in for a shock in shape of a 4 year old bundle of energy!

chipmonkey · 30/08/2010 10:50

People are very fond of broad sweeping generalisations, aren't they?

I have four boys and I always get comments about how noisy my house must be. But they are actually fairly quiet boys and I know some girls who are a lot louder!

Opiussun can I just ask why to had to say that? This is a discussion board mainly for adult women who have all been to school already, thank you. We might or might not have good diction and grammar, and might or might not choose to type carefully or proofread. We all knew what the OP meant so I can't see why you couldn't stop yourself from being rude.

5DollarShake · 30/08/2010 11:03

Red - I don't think you are BU, perhaps a little over-sensitive, but I think in your situation, I probably would be too.

Oppiussun - patronising post of the day!! For all you know, she could have brought the donuts from home.

whoodoo · 30/08/2010 11:03

my 4 year old is eldest of 3 and attends nursery and loads of toddler groups. He couldn't imagine anything more exciting than a 7 year old to make friends with. He's just a typical 4 year old who wants to play and play and play.

Just a silly comment from her - just ignore - there is nothing wrong with your DD being an only child. It seems people get criticised for having only one and I have had people comment on me having 3 that I won't have time for them all. It's like only 2 kids is acceptable and they must ideally be boy and a girl. That's me stuffed with my three boys then

booyhoo · 30/08/2010 11:09

i don't think she was rude but i do think it is a silly reason to assume she was an only child.

my sister and i could have been sitting whinging about being bored but then as soon as a cousin arrived we found loads to do. it's the novelty of someone new.

kelly2525 · 30/08/2010 11:10

What a load of bollox, this woman sounds like one of those "only wimmin in the world to have a child and knows it all" I was an only child and far from being needy and having to find people to amuse me all the time, i was quite happy in my own comapany and quite selective about friends, i dont think only children ever get bored, because theyre used to amusing themselves.

Hope i got through that without too many typosand spelling mistakes. Wouldnt want to get my virtual legs slapped for being a moron.

Opiussun That was incredibly patrionising and more than a little twatty

ItalyLovingMummy · 30/08/2010 11:12

I'm with bearcrumble - stupid cow definitely.

TrillianAstra · 30/08/2010 11:33

You say "the children had fun, and it would have been quite boring for them otherwise".

Well, not really. There were 3 of them, they could have done stuff together, I don't think the addition of one 4 year old is going to make their day.

She made a thoughtless comment, based on no facts or evidence (and it's not even a stereotype I've heard before), but you don't need to then go on to suggest that you were doing her a favour by letting your DD play with her children.

Buying them doughnuts - that probably made their day a bit better.

If she had a teenager, an 8 yr old and a 7 yr old, then when her eldest was 4 she would have been an only child too.

DetectivePotato · 30/08/2010 11:38

Why do people feel the need to butt in! What if you couldn't have anymore children?

I would ignore the stupid comment but she clearly has no idea what she is on about anyway. Like you said, what 4 year old doesn't want to play all the time?!

brassband · 30/08/2010 11:46

Oppiussun-grow up or p*ss off!

DilysPrice · 30/08/2010 11:52

God it annoys me those judgey comments about only kids being deprived - there's absolutely no evidence whatsoever that only children suffer any social deprivation.

My DD would have been exactly the same as yours in that situation, not because she is an only child, but because it's taking her and her younger brother years and years to learn to play together.

happiestblonde · 30/08/2010 12:03

YANBU

I'm an only child and had a great childhood. It is funny though, I think one reason DP and I work very well together is because I'm an only and he's PFB of 4.

LilQueenie · 30/08/2010 13:46

Just a quick comment, as an only child to age 12 I was just as happy playing on my own as i was with friends. so tell her to stick it if you see her again.

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