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Original poster

to be cross with DS childminder over food issue?

32 replies

StableButDeluded · 30/08/2010 02:12

I honestly don't know whether I'm BU or not, or just being PFB as he's my only child.

Basically, DS who's nearly 5 told me out of the blue yesterday that if he's 'too slow' eating his lunch his childminder doesn't let him finish. Of course I probed casually for further info. He says that if he takes too long, she lets him eat the stuff 'that's good for you' but makes him leave the treat type things like crisps or dessert, etc. He said she pushes the 'nice' things to the side of the plate or says there's no time for his dessert-that type of thing.

Now I admit DS is a slow eater. But I feel that it is unfair of her to try to hurry him in this way. He's not slow because he's messing about, he just always seems to eat slowly. I don't like to think of him sitting eating with the other children and always being denied what they get. I don't see the need to even make an issue out of how fast he eats.

I appreciate that if they are planning to go somewhere they can't be taking ages over lunch, but I'm still not happy about it. If they know he's a slow eater, she should allow extra time. I think it's more of a problem when the CM meets up with her mum-the mum is also a CM and they often end up doing things together, which means they have quite a few children to organise. DS is a bit weepy about it.

DH is really cross about it and has said that if I don't have a word with her about it he will, but I'm not sure if we're being too PFB and should just leave it. Advice please?

OP posts:
franklampoon · 30/08/2010 02:30

I would have a very calm word to hear CM's side of the story.

mumblechum · 30/08/2010 02:30

TBH at some point your ds is going to have to speed up, as he'll be starting school soon and he'll have the same problem.

I wouldn't say anything to the childminder, but explain to your ds that he just has to learn to eat faster, or he's going to miss a lot of his lunch (at ds's primary they had two sittings, so only 20 mins to eat lunch before the next lot came in).

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2010 02:32

As a mum of a 9 YO who has always been a slow eater I can see what you're saying.

But the fact is that your DS will have to fit his eating in with other children (at school etc) rather than other people having to fit in around him, and I mean that in a nice way.

DD1 often comes home from school saying she didn't manage to eat this or that of her dinner because she was so slow and everybody else has finished and are off out to play.

If I leave her to eat her main meal on her own she can take over an hour Shock it just seems to be a part of who she is, but I would never expect other people to fit around her extreme slowness.

At least the CM is getting him to eat the bits that are good for him, if it were me I'd leave it if you're happy with the CM otherwise.

The DCs eating habits are such a minefield aren't they? Grin

gtamom · 30/08/2010 02:45

Well, she sounds ok to me, as long as she is allowing 20 minutes minimum.

I never had or minded any slow eaters, so am not sure what part is slow, or why? Does he chew slowly? Talk a lot instead of eating?

Say he is eating a grilled cheese sandwich, how long would that take?

Original poster
StableButDeluded · 30/08/2010 02:46

Thank you-yes, I am happy with her otherwise, she's lovely. DH isn't so keen on her but I think that's more of a personality clash, he's usually ok with how she looks after DS. I hadn't thought about the school lunch issue, he will be starting reception in September and they will be doing full days straightaway-no coming home for lunch or half-days!

That's the other reason I thought it's probably not worth mentioning- he'll only be with her for a couple more weeks, then it will only be during school holidays.

OP posts:
Original poster
StableButDeluded · 30/08/2010 02:50

He just seems to chew really slowly- he sometimes keeps it in his mouth for ages before swallowing-I can see it bulging in his cheeks somtimes. like he's got little hamster pouches! We do try to hurry him up at home, but it's different then because mostly we are not short of time.

OP posts:
franklampoon · 30/08/2010 02:51

my nephew was a slow and fussy eater and my sister worried a lot.
He is now an overweight 18 year old Sad

Original poster
StableButDeluded · 30/08/2010 02:52

He'd take about 30 minutes to eat a toastie.

OP posts:
Original poster
StableButDeluded · 30/08/2010 02:54

Thanks Frank. Something to look forward to, then Confused Smile

OP posts:
franklampoon · 30/08/2010 03:01

Bummer, eh?!
It is ironic when I think back to the way my sister used to stress about how little/slow he ate Hmm

mumblechum · 30/08/2010 03:09

I wonder if he's an only? The reason for that is that dh is one of three and eats really quickly, because when he was growing up if you didn't get it down you neck quickly one of your brothers would finish what was on your plate Hmm

gtamom · 30/08/2010 04:48

Well, at least his food will be easily digested, lol. But you don't want him trying to gulp chunks of un-chewed foods at school meals,rushing to swallow, and choking, so maybe you can "train" him to to smaller sized bites, that he can chew quicker? 30 minutes isn't unreasonable anyways, I don't think.

I could finish one off at a shameful speed. Blush

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2010 11:54

There's absolutely no connection between eating slowly and being overweight frank, it's the opposite actually Shock

Hopefully you were just using your nephew as an eg of how what you worry about in your DC when they're a child wont necessarily follow them to when they're an adult?

QS · 30/08/2010 11:58

Does he have a medical problem?
Big tonsils? Difficulty swallowing?

greentriangle · 30/08/2010 11:59

I think that the CM is doing your DS a favour. When he goes to school, there won't be enough staff for him to be individually cajoled and he may miss play time if he hasn't eaten in a reasonable time. I am not being harsh, my own DS is a similar age, slow at eating and fussy to boot.

deakell · 30/08/2010 12:01

I would have a word with her (nicely) to see what's going on.
If you are paying for meals, (which presumably you are), then it is not reasonable that he doesn't get to eat all of them, simply because he's slow rather than because he doens't want to.
That said, if he's taking an inordinately long amount of time, then she's within her rights to do something! Can't sit at the table for an extra 20 minutes every mealtime for one child.

I used to get cross with the nursery when my son, on the rare occasion didn't eat his veg (overdone and mushy) and they witheld hid dessert. I told them I am paying for the food they provide and unless his table manners are bad and he misbehaves, they were not to withold dessert since it was not their place to do so.

I went in one lunchtime and saw the food and the veg was disgusting, mushy as hell. I believed my son because he adores veg and will eat everything put in front of him.

Sorry, bit of a tangent there, but my point is, you have every right to have a say in what he is and isn't provide by the CM

franklampoon · 30/08/2010 13:57

agent, thats the very point I was making!

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 30/08/2010 14:39

Maybe she is trying to see if he will speed up in order to get to the treats? If he's realised he's not going to get the crisps or whatever, maybe she's thinking this will get him to speed up a bit.

I'd have a word with her, and see what she has to say - if this is an experiment to get him to eat faster, then she should stop if it doesn't work within a reasonably short space of time.

Perhaps you could suggest to her that he's given smaller portions of everything - then it'll be easier for him to clear his plate in time, and then maybe he could get a sticker or similar reward for this.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 30/08/2010 14:40

Sorry - hit post before re-reading - I meant to say that if he has a little bit of everything, he won't feel like he's missing out on the treats either.

frasersmummy · 30/08/2010 14:57

I think putting a treat in front of a child and then saying you cant have it cos you were too slow is mean

If your ds is taking too long then cant she hold back dessert and then give all the kids dessert as a treat later in the day ??

cumfy · 30/08/2010 14:59

OP
He'd take about 30 minutes to eat a toastie.

Not if he was really hungry surely ?

Perhaps the CM's food is a bit crap.

traceybath · 30/08/2010 15:02

30 minutes to eat a sandwich is a very long time though really.

As others have said at school he's going to have to eat quicker.

Not sure I'd raise it if its only a couple more weeks but would work on encouraging your DS to eat quicker. Take smaller mouthfuls and swallow whats in his mouth before putting more in.

Also perhaps he doesn't actually want such a big portion and is therefore struggling to finish it - so give him say half a sandwich perhaps.

DinahRod · 30/08/2010 15:10

I asked my CM to do this for ds1 in prep for starting school. Maybe that's what CM is doing? She is doing ds a favour and maybe if ds knew he was practising for big school that would help?

grapesandmoregrapes · 30/08/2010 15:18

I agree with giving him a smaller portion of everything, so that he does finish his meal at a similar speed. I don't, however, think children sould EVER be rewarded for eating, that just sets them up for problems in the future.

DinahRod · 30/08/2010 15:22

Found I was giving ds too much to eat and halved his sandwich. He knows too that anything not eaten at lunch he can have after school, so he doesn't mind if he doesn't get to his treat as he can have it later.