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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with my sister

48 replies

diddl · 29/08/2010 18:29

Am so annoyed about this.

My sister is abroad & we have booked a week to go over.

She has just phoned to say that she has booked my Dad for the same week as us.

She works full time, so I will obviously feel obliged to take him with us if we go out & invite him to us in the evening.

Now, we both saw him at the beginning of the year, my family & I saw him at Easter & he will come to us Dec/Jan for 4wks.

Her reason for asking is that she doesn´t know if she will be able to see him at Christmas next year??!!

So why out of all the weeks, did she have to book him in then?

We get on OK, I guess it would just have been nice to be asked.

And my husband would have liked to have been consulted also!

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 29/08/2010 18:30

YABU, unless you dislike your Dad for a legitimate reason

KatieScarlett2833 · 29/08/2010 18:31

YABU, she can invite who she likes. When she likes.

Original poster
diddl · 29/08/2010 18:33

Fair point.

No I get on OK, but my husband would have enjoyed the week just the 4 of us, having spent his Easter holiday with him & knowing he will be spending his Christmas holiday with him.

OP posts:
traceybath · 29/08/2010 18:34

YABU - presumably you all get on ok?

And do you mean your sister should have spoken to your DH as well??

Perhaps as she's abroad she gets lots of 'guests' and gets a bit fed up of it and wants to do you all in one fell swoop.

emmyloulou · 29/08/2010 18:34

Yabu, she can invite whoever she wants over surely?

Why is the thought of spending time with your own dad so horrific?

Original poster
diddl · 29/08/2010 18:35

Yes, she can invite who she likes & when, of course.

Funnily enough, though she has never done this before.

OP posts:
parakeet · 29/08/2010 18:37

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

If you and your sister had booked a week's holiday away together she would definitely have been unreasonable for suddenly inviting another house guest without consulting you first. And this is effectively you having a holiday with her.

Even assuming you get on brilliantly with your dad (and not everyone does), it's a different matter for your husband isn't it.

Original poster
diddl · 29/08/2010 18:38

Well, none of us will be staying with her & she works full time, so we would only see her evenings & weekend.

I will feel obliged to have Dad with us all day rather than him being on his own.

Oh, forgot to say am also abroad-hence the reference to how much have already seen him this year.

OP posts:
traceybath · 29/08/2010 18:38

Perhaps she's just had enough visitors and thought it would be easier for you to be around at the same time thereby reducing her 'hostessing' responsibilities.

Original poster
diddl · 29/08/2010 18:40

Oh forgot to say that the apartment we are renting is big enough for Dad to stay with us & I told her I had thought about asking him,but fancied a family holiday.

OP posts:
Original poster
diddl · 29/08/2010 18:41

As I said, none of us stay with her.

If we visit in the evening I cook or we do it together as she has worked or she will come to our rented place in which case I cook.

OP posts:
traceybath · 29/08/2010 18:56

Oh so you're not staying with her - in that case I see why you're annoyed.

BertieBasset · 29/08/2010 18:58

YANBU to want a family holiday, I'd be irritated and I know DH would be really irritated that our family hols had disappeared

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 29/08/2010 19:00

YANBU - it would have been nice to have been asked.

JaxTellersOldLady · 29/08/2010 19:03

you dont have to invite your Dad to spend every day with you and your family, surely he will understand that you need some time to yourself?

Now that you have explained further I dont think YABU. If your sister isnt taking time off to spend with your father when she hasnt seen him then you dont have to on your family holiday.

Original poster
diddl · 29/08/2010 19:11

Yes he would understand us not seeing him every day, especially as we are most likely to see him every evening.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 29/08/2010 19:12

I would be annoyed too. If she had invited your Dad over on a different week would she have taken time off or expected him to amuse himself?

It doesn't matter how much you might like your Dad (as someone suggested above), you don't necessarily want him with you.

Original poster
diddl · 29/08/2010 19:13

I´m really not trying to do by stealth but she doesn´t let him stay with her anymore as it annoys her too much!

We also haven´t been out that often either.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 29/08/2010 19:14

Where is he staying then? Has she actually invited him along on your holiday, to the apartment that you have paid for? Shock

Original poster
diddl · 29/08/2010 19:17

If Dad was going alone for a week she would have the week off.

Us also going kind of means she doesn´t have to do this.

The thing is that I already told her don´t have the week off for us as we can entertain ourselves in the day & catch up in the evening.

OP posts:
Original poster
diddl · 29/08/2010 19:18

She´s booked him a week in a place of his own.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 29/08/2010 19:21

I think need to speak to both of them and set some clear boundaries.

Draw up a schedule : on Wednesday we will have a family day, on Thursday we will all meet up for dinner, on Friday we will spend the day with Dad doing xxx activity, on Saturday Sis will have us all round and make us a lovely meal...

Original poster
diddl · 29/08/2010 19:27

Yes, that´s a good idea.

TBH, if she´d said "oh I don´t know when I´m going to see Dad again, it might not be until next Christmas", I´d more than likely have said that he might as well have had a week with us.

Or if she´d said I´m thinking of booking Dad somewhere I would have said don´t bother as we have a spare room.

But when the conversation came up she said don´t ask him, have a family holiday.

Part of me thinks she´s doing it to look like the good daughter whose booked him a place & we look like the awful ones who have a spare room & didn´t invite him!

OP posts:
MrsDrOwenHunt · 29/08/2010 19:37

yabu tbh, i would do anything to spend more time with my darling father (he passed away 6 years ago) so you are complaining that you might have to spend what max 6 weeks of a year with him? perhaps you should remember who gave you life and who provided and cared for you for your life, how would you feel if one of your dc felt like this about you when you are older? do you and your dh not spend time as a family any other time? perhaps your sister had to work and wanted you all there together so u could all be a family together?

Original poster
diddl · 29/08/2010 19:41

Yes, if you like.

I´m annoyed that what should have been a family holiday will now not be.

OP posts: