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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with my sister

48 replies

diddl · 29/08/2010 18:29

Am so annoyed about this.

My sister is abroad & we have booked a week to go over.

She has just phoned to say that she has booked my Dad for the same week as us.

She works full time, so I will obviously feel obliged to take him with us if we go out & invite him to us in the evening.

Now, we both saw him at the beginning of the year, my family & I saw him at Easter & he will come to us Dec/Jan for 4wks.

Her reason for asking is that she doesn´t know if she will be able to see him at Christmas next year??!!

So why out of all the weeks, did she have to book him in then?

We get on OK, I guess it would just have been nice to be asked.

And my husband would have liked to have been consulted also!

OP posts:

MrsDrOwenHunt · 29/08/2010 20:06

are your dad and sister not family then?

LittleMissHissyFit · 29/08/2010 20:21

Erm, why not have a chat with your dad, and gently chat with him and see what he plans to do with himself on the days that your sister can't see him.

Can you say whereabouts you will be going, could we all have a think about ideas for him?

I understand that you do not want every waking moment of your holiday spent with your Dad, and that you want to have some DH time, cos however much you love your dad, if does change the dynamic, but you may be getting your knickers in a twist over nothing.

My dad is perfectly able to get himself around and about NYC on his won when he is over seeing my sister, so he doesn't automatically camp on her sofa waiting to be entertained.

When you go to a country where you know no-one, then you have all the time to fill with your family, but you would not expect to go over to your sister's country and not see her, so she will impact on your own family unit's holiday.

Just decide what you want to do on each day, have some suggestions for your dad to do on the days you are elsewhere and allow your sister to suggest things too. and arrange to meet up of an evening.

I don't see why you are so bent out of shape and I don't particularly get on that well for that much time with my dad....

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 29/08/2010 20:24

I don't really think that's a particularly fair comment - MrsDrOwenHunt - we don't know how the OP gets on with her family and we all have different relationships. When the OP says 'family holiday' I think it's pretty clear that DH and DCs is implied. Holiday time is usually precious - most time is spent working or at school - so holidays are a time when you get to do what you want - to be expected to do something that you weren't even consulted about is a little bit of a liberty no matter how well you get on with your relatives.

MrsDrOwenHunt · 29/08/2010 20:45

so family changes to only include your husband and dc when you get married does it? she asked if she was being unreasonable and imho she is, that doesnt mean she is wrong, i personally think as my family as my parents too!! no disrespect was meant to her

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 29/08/2010 20:51

"Family holiday" changes to normally only include your husband/partner and DC when you couple off and have children, yes, I think. Because otherwise "family holiday" would mean you and your parents and your siblings and your parents-in-law and your siblings-in-law and probably the partners/spouses of all those people plus their children if any. Is that really how you interpret the phrase "family holiday" whenever you hear it?

MrsDrOwenHunt · 29/08/2010 20:56

yes thats what i think of when i hear family holiday yes, coz my family will always be my whole family not just when i couple off!!!

Original poster

diddl · 29/08/2010 21:26

Well for me family holiday is us 4-that doesn´t mean that my Dad & sister aren´t family-just that we are not in the habit of holidaying together!

Well, thanks to all for replying.

What I have discovered is-don´t start a thread when you are in a stew as you either forget things or don´t explain properly!

Of course my sister can invite who she wants.

We are not expecting her to have time off so were expecting not to see her in the day anyway, only evenings so that doesn´t have to change, and obviously Dad also being there is no problem.

If she doesn´t/can´t have the whole week off obviously us having Dad with on those days isn´t a problem.

Also, we can have a day or two of all of us doing something together.

I was getting into a stew thinking that she has invited him but will expect us to have him all day every day-which is what happened last time.

Well, as suggested, we can make sure we have some days to ourselves!

OP posts:

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 29/08/2010 21:36

Presumably a "family car" is one that will fit you, your husband and children, your parents and siblings and their partners and children, then? After all, your family will always be your whole family.

And a "family home" -- yours is occupied by your whole family, not just your partner and children?

BonniePrinceBilly · 29/08/2010 21:39

You have to invite your entire family to everything? Do you bring every aunt, aging 2nd cousin and such to every family meal?

What utter rubbish. OP, yanbu, obviously.

LittleMissHissyFit · 29/08/2010 22:26

If you dad has any intelligence at all OP, a quiet daughter to dad talk will clear this up nicely.

Dad, I'm happy that you will be out on holiday etc etc, and we will get to spend lots of time together, but I don't want to raise any expectations about every day, I really do have to have some DH time too, otherwise he'll feel neglected, we don't get much time together blah, blah, blah... I'm sure you understand.

I'm sure he'd love to spend all the time with you, you are his daughter, but he ought to be intelligent to know that you need some of your own time as a couple/family too.

I think that it's easy to say all this when our father is still alive, and equally easy to say that we'd love to spend any and every waking second with our dads when we have lost them. It's doubtless easy to forget the annoying things our dads did, the insensitive comments, the normal discussions that get a bit heated.

TheLadyEvenstar · 29/08/2010 22:40

MrsDrOwen, I have just read this thread - well the first page and your post was the last message. You have written exactly what I was going to write. Except my dad passed away 7yrs ago.

OP, I would give anything to have the time with my dad just as Mrs said. It will still be a family holiday where your DC can spend time with their grandad - you really never know what is around the corner.

nelliesmum · 29/08/2010 22:42

Why can't your sister have some time off? Why invite people over and then go to work?

cumfy · 29/08/2010 23:42

What intrigues me is how did the original DS-invites-DF conversation initiate ie DS/DF, and what the ultimate motive of the initiator ?

Sounds like DS is trying to kill 3-4 birds w 1 stone; but that is probably unfair conclusion without further info.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 30/08/2010 00:14

I should say I married into a family that really truly believes that a 'family holiday' means everyone is invited. So we went on a 'family' camping trip - all 18 of us! Needless to say, I've not done it since.

But actually re-reading some of that again, if your sister can't have time off, why was she inviting your Dad to stay?

Original poster

diddl · 30/08/2010 06:52

"how did the original DS-invites-DF conversation initiate"

Well, I guess that was me.
We have a spare room & I said I thought about Dad but he will be staying with me for four weeks Dec/Jan so thought OK not to ask him.
Sister agreed as we also spent most of our Easter holiday with him that a week just us 4 was OK.

She didn´t say that she has the time off, so I´ve got myself in a twist thinking that she has invited him but expecting him to spend the time with us.

I might be wrong of course.

Which I know is my fault for posting without all information & whilst annoyed

Moral of this-find out all info first!

OP posts:

MrsDrOwenHunt · 30/08/2010 07:57

and as i put before that was my opinion prof and i didnt post it so i could recieve blatant sarcasm, perhaps if i had have agreed with everything you said and been a sheep eh?

bamboostalks · 30/08/2010 08:07

Well, I would be annoyed tbh. How thoughtless not to speak to you first. But then my dad drives me nuts, I would never go on holiday with him.

Original poster

diddl · 30/08/2010 08:13

Well I have told her that he is her guest & a couple of days all together will be lovely if that fits in with what she has planned to do with him, and other than that we will be seeing them in the evenings.

Dad knows that this is our "family" holiday this year & is sensible to know that we won´t want him with us everyday.

That said, I get torn when I know my Dad is on his own and although my husband gets on OK with him, I know that he doesn´t want to be seeing his FIL every day on holiday.

OP posts:

sanielle · 30/08/2010 09:06

Didn't read all the responses but I would not want family visiting me all through the year. She probably wants to get it all done at the same time. Just because you love your family doesn't mean they are not an imposition.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 30/08/2010 09:09

Quite sanielle - but the same goes to OP, too, no?

Original poster

diddl · 30/08/2010 09:19

Yes, but no one is staying with her.

When it was organised that "we 4" were going over, she was not going to take time off, although she would be getting a day off in that time that we would spend together, & for the rest of it we would meet up in the evenings.

TBH, no one visits "all through the year"

Dad saw her at Christmas last year & this is the first time we have been for 3/4yrs.

OP posts:

cumfy · 30/08/2010 11:01

Sorry, I'm now very confused:

I´ve got myself in a twist thinking that she has invited him......

I might be wrong of course.

Are you saying you're not 100% that DS has in fact invited DF.

Original poster

diddl · 30/08/2010 11:08

No, he has been invited-what i´m "in a twist" about is that she won´t be having holiday & I´ll feel obliged to have him with us.

Not a problem in that we get on, but it hasn´t given us a choice iyswim.

I could be wrong, but when I said I´d feel obliged to have him with us every day, my sister didn´t say oh no, I´ve got holiday, she sort of said oh well you know he´s OK on his own & then went off the subject.

OP posts:

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