To Demand That My Ex

[bottyburpthebarbarian]

Returns the nice clothes I send the girls in when they go to his house?

Background - we have shared custody, he usually collects them on a Sunday morning so that he can take them to his weirdo sect church.

I dress them in nice clothes which I have bought for them.

He never sends the clothes back.

The last time I picked them up DD2 was in a pair of patched trousers which were far too short and a t-shirt with a hole in it, which I have washed, ironed and are now in a bag to be returned to him when I drop them up today (he can't collect them today)

So, AIBU to demand ask him to return the clothes which I bought which are at his house?

The agreement is that we are each responsible for them when we have them?

I'll probably get flamed for this cos I know the two things aren't meant to be connected, but for me no maintenence = no access (regardless of excuses). I know people will say the DC are entitled to a relationship with their dad and this isn't to do with money and to a point I believe that too, but children need to be fed and clothed. You don't get to choose the bits you want to do when you are a parent, so if he doesn't take responsibility, then he wouldn't be getting to do the good bits.

Even if he takes you to court to ensure he can continue to take the DC to his church, so what? He's taking them anyway. I'd definitely call a halt to them going on your weekends. You want to minimize the chances of your DCs getting sucked in.

Wrt the clothing situation, I would refuse to hand over the DC unless he a)returned all the things you have bought or b) brought clothing with him for them to wear and the DC agreed to wear it. I know this is petty and probably breaking terms of agreements, but then so is he.