To be discussing GCSEs/A levels and even Uni with an 11 year old?

[DogDays]

DS1 is very academic, is very success driven and enjoys school. He is determined to go to uni and have a good job/career when he's older.
So yesterday, after he brought up the issue of GCSE's again I brought up the local uni as an example and showed him the entry requirements for the degree he keeps saying he wants to do (computer science with games development). I then too him to the sixth form website to show him the choice of a-levels he could do and then explained that the enty requirements of THAT is 5 gcse's grade a-c. He was really into this conversation, it wasn't as if I was boring him and he became really motivated as I explained the virtual "stepping stones" of a degree. DP later said he found the whole thing ridiculous, I'm a pushy parent and DS will apparantly decide that he wants to work in tesco as soon as he sees the hard work needed to pass a-levels

Ok so he's only 11 but he ENJOYS these conversations!! he always has enjoyed discussing his future, he's just that kind of kid! AIBU???

No YANBU. he's interested and there's no reason not to have high expectations and to present his future as full of possibilities and excitement.
If later on down the line what is possible changes, and you have to help him alter direction, then you will be a poor parent if you cling on to what you wanted and pay little attention to your son's needs or abilities.
Tell your OH to get a grip and you are not turning into Monster Mummy.

My DS is the same age, very academic and would also like to study that degree . As soon as he got a place in the secondary school he chose, he started asking me about how you decide on your university .

I've not encouraged him, as I don't want to put pressure on him to succeed, and I don't like the thought of getting into all that debt! But I think some children are very self-motivated, whether you discuss it with them or not.

If your DS was an obsessive football player, would your OH be cheering him on to play for England??? That's no different.

Depend on the tone of the conversation.

YABU if you are saying "you must pass these exams or else"!
YANBU if you are just explaining the options available to him so he can make an informed choice later on.

I think it's good for children to have something to aim for and work towards as long as you're not dictatorial about it. Having a clear understanding of the requirements will prevent disappointment later.

My 11 year old niece for example wants to work as a computer programmer but has no interest in Maths so we've discussed how she could either work to improve her Maths skills or maybe think about another career choice to set sensible expectations.

As a one-off that's fine. But I really think he should have other things on his mind at this age. They are pressured to grow up so soon in so many areas,it seems a shame to add another one.

I have two children that I really hope want to go on to some form of further or higher education, but I would hate it if they did it even slightly because they wanted to please me.

I don't you are BU at all.

I often talk to my DCs about university as we live in a university town and drive past it most days. At younger than 11 they know about A levels and what sort of jobs graduates do and what sort of jobs you can do if you don't want to go to uni. We talk about student life, living away from home and all sorts of things to do with university.

If we drive past Tesco we talk about what it would be like to work in a shop.

Did your DH go to uni - it sounds like maybe he's a bit jealous that your DS might be more academic than him.

Talk to your son about whatever interests him.

It sounds like you had an age appropriate discussion about this after all he is either at senior school or about to go this September and GCSEs will be on his horizons.
My DD is 6 years ,at 3 to 18 school so exams appear on horizon earlier due to whole school assemblies. Anyway she expressed an interest in attending my uni (single course vocational uni) and I explained that she would have to work very hard and pass lots of exams (UCAS entry is 4A at AS and 3A at A level) no point hiding it from her. We are a home where ongoing learning is the norm DH and I have each done a masters in the last 6 years and I have also done an NVQ level 4. She comes to my work and meets all my different students doing NVQs and Degrees. So even at 6 years old she knows that to get most qualifications you have to work really hard. I am always really careful to reward effort rather than achievement to encourage her.

YANBU.
My DC and I have similar conversations. DS is nearly 15 and will be choosing his subjects for IB next year (we live in Brisbane). He needs to know what subjects will be relevant for whatever uni degree he wants to do. DD12 is very keen to do marine biology (local uni has excellent degree)and discusses what she needs in order to pursue this.

Having said this, both children also enjoy doing a lot of sport and have hobbies etc.

I think it is important these days to be aware of all options.

DH and I are both academics and going to university is something both children consider a natural progression. Luckily they both do well at school.

Good on you for encouraging your son.

Dd2 (8)has been talking about it. I've not gone into specifics but we have talked about how to get to her chosen profession( gcses, a-levels, degree) and where universities are. Not specifically looked at courses as there isn't one particular one.

What is OH occupation ?

Does he, possibly even just subconciously, see this as a threat to his "alpha status" ?

OTOH....

Possibly OH's candid observations may have some basis, but nonetheless, hardly sounds at all constructive.

At a parents' evening when my son was 11, the music teacher told him about the degree he'd taken - now my son is 18 and has a place on that same course, same university. It's never too early to talk about the future but obviously you have to be realistic that their tastes may change.

I agree though with the poster who said that it's effort that should be rewarded, not attainment.

YANBU

My DTs have just done really poorly in GCSEs, for a number of reasons (severely dyslexic, other problems at school) but also largely because they were under the misapprehension that GCSEs "don't matter". They are now in a situation where they may not be able to do A levels and have just realised that at the point that you apply to Uni the only way a university has to judge you is your GCSE results and the less tangible predictions for A levels from your teachers.

Nothing I said to them after the hormonal storm of puberty hit home made any difference as far as disabusing them of the notions they held.

Conversations now might stick.

On the other hand, pushing or setting up unrealistic ambitions, are clearly a bad idea. It does not sound like you were doing that, it sounds more like you were using the information on these sites to illustrate your points.

not unreasonable .... BUT... if i were you i'd be concentrating on the fact that even WITH the exams he will need a good 'personal statement' so all the non-academic stuff counts too - scouts, sports, whatever...

don't underestimate the value of extra-curricular stuff if you want to get into the uni of your choice and also keep options open in case he changes his mind on course/uni as he may well do many times in the next seven years

If he is interested then why not discuss it, same as anything?

As long as you're not pushing him, simply showing him the stages he'll need to go through to get the thing he wants. In order to do Z you need to do Y, and in order to do Y you need to do X, etc. Good training in forward-thinking.

YANBU.

My DN (12) has expressed a wish to be a Dr, she would really like to do paediatrics. I have spoken to SIL and said that if she is serious she needs to be thinking already about the steps she needs to take to get there, and that she needs to make the school careers people aware so that they are offering her the correct opportunities.

She is a bright girl and I'm sure more than capable academically if she works hard, but with something like medicine you can't decide at 18 when you are doing uni applications and hope to get in.

a couple of schools near me are trying to consolidate Key Stage 3 into two years (Year 7 and 8), and then start GCSEs in Year 9. That means that by the middle of Year 8, they are starting to choose their options. Some of those children are only 12. It seems scarily young to be making decisions to me. But if they have to, it's better to at least have had some thoughts about it, the idea of keeping options open, etc.

Your DP sounds like he has a chip on his shoulder about academic education.

Uni entry is so competitive these days you need to plan subject choices/extra activities years in advance.

My DS is 7 and we've had quite a lot of discussions of the Oxford v Cambridge/ Law v Medicine variety.

forever
No pressure then
Just kidding. GFY.

We live near a university, which a few months ago had an Open Weekend based around robots, with workshops for kids, etc. My 10 yr old did a workshop, and we all went as a family to spend the afternoon.

The kids quite liked the robot bit, but the thing that stuck most in my son's mind was 'wow, so THIS is what uni is like..?' Until then, he'd had some very vague concept of the mythical uni his parents talk about as being like his school, but with bigger chairs for adults.

Whereas this uni is amazing, all light and airy with modern buildings, squishy beanbag seats in the library, cafés everywhere, etc. Students were everywhere, running the workshops, setting up the Lego Mindstorms labs and so on, and were clearly all having a great time with their mates with no apparent 'adults' telling them what to do.

He also didn't realise that education was a pyramid that narrowed as he got older, so by the time he was doing a degree it will just be in one or two subjects that REALLY interest him.

He came away from that day mildly interested in robots, but completely fired up about going to uni when he's older. Well worth the trip!

I think you are being very sensible! With the proviso that it's clear your approval doesn't depend on DS being uber academic (if he doesn't end up down that path!) , the sooner children have a goal the sooner they can plan to achieve it!

I have 4 DC.. two academic, two not . My eldest knew she wanted to be a doctor from the age of 4. By 11 she knew the level of GCSEs she would need, knew she needed to be scientifically able AND be a good all rounder..and she just passed her A levels with straight As/A* and is off to take up her place at Uni to read medicine:):) She never wavered from her plan.
DD2 doesn't know what she wants to be yet, but knows she wants a top 10 uni and worked hard for her 13 A/A*s.. and is taking two sciences plus Maths and English for A level to keep her options open til she decides..

DS1 scraped his GCSEs and is at the local college doing media and he hasn't a clue what he wants yet but knew he didn't want the traditional academic path..and that's fine too as we support his different interests and figure he'll find something that interests him eventually!

DS2 is only 13, autistic and learning disabled and I'm just grateful he can talk:):)

I don't think an environment which encourages aspiration is every a bad thing..:)

I envy you having a son who is interested, OP! DS1 is bright but ridiculously lazy, he'll only go to Uni if I convince him that he'll get rich as a result. :(.

YANBU. If your son has a good idea of what he wants to do (and he sounds like he has!), then he needs to be sure of the subjects he chooses and the grades he needs to get there. This does need to be considered at the start of secondary school so he can choose the correct subjects.

I don't think you're being pushy as he wants to discuss it. Even if he didn't, personally I would be encouraging him to think about it and discuss his future.

My 10 month old ds wants to study Theology and Oriental Studies at Christchurch, Oxford.

I am disgusted he has not opted for Paleontology at Corpus Christi, Cambridge.

We are debating this ferociously at the moment. It's all we talk about in our house so you are certainly NOT being unreasonable.

YANBU.

I am forever pointing out to 5yo DD1 that formal education carries on throughout your whole life; she sees me do my OU stuff, she's sees my mother and stepmother studying. I don't want her to think it's something that end when you finish uni.