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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be discussing GCSEs/A levels and even Uni with an 11 year old?

48 replies

DogDays · 28/08/2010 08:46

DS1 is very academic, is very success driven and enjoys school. He is determined to go to uni and have a good job/career when he's older.
So yesterday, after he brought up the issue of GCSE's again I brought up the local uni as an example and showed him the entry requirements for the degree he keeps saying he wants to do (computer science with games development). I then too him to the sixth form website to show him the choice of a-levels he could do and then explained that the enty requirements of THAT is 5 gcse's grade a-c. He was really into this conversation, it wasn't as if I was boring him and he became really motivated as I explained the virtual "stepping stones" of a degree. DP later said he found the whole thing ridiculous, I'm a pushy parent and DS will apparantly decide that he wants to work in tesco as soon as he sees the hard work needed to pass a-levels

Ok so he's only 11 but he ENJOYS these conversations!! he always has enjoyed discussing his future, he's just that kind of kid! AIBU???

OP posts:

nooka · 28/08/2010 18:30

Sounds fairly normal to me. So long as your ds doesn't start to lean on you a bit too much about his decision making then I think that being involved and encouraging is great. I love with my kids that conversations go in all sorts of directions, and that with the internet you can get so many more details so easily. My oly caveat woudl be about making sure your role is supportive rather than leading - my lovely sister does slightly too much for her son, and I think he relies on it a bit too much (he's 18, and I think should be making his decisions independently by now). But at the end of the day if the decisions are good ones it probably doesn't really matter.

Your dh's comments were a bit sad really, that he thinks his son won't be motivated to work hard.

zapostrophe · 28/08/2010 19:41

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tokyonambu · 28/08/2010 20:07

"computer science with games development"

Don't do it. The courses are held in low regard by the industry, are mostly taught by low-grade institutions and have poor employability at the end. The degrees don't hold much appeal to games companies, and are completely useless for any other career in IT.

You may find it a bit of an alphabet soup, but read as an example this job advert and note that they're after a wide skill-set with "games development" experience pretty low down the list.

Games companies can teach games specific skills to physicists and mathematicians and good computer science graduates, but the converse is not true. Google "computer games degree" and look at the institutions, and ask yourself why no research-led university will touch these courses. Games companies compete with the city to recruit decent Physics and Mathematics graduates for a good reason: they've got the skills and ability.

seeker · 28/08/2010 20:10

I think you'll find that those in the know call it The House, zapostrophe!

seeker · 28/08/2010 20:12

To be honest, I don;t know a teenage boy who doesn't want to go to university to study games development!

RunawayWife · 28/08/2010 20:19

been having these talks with DS1 since he was 7 he is now 14

zapostrophe · 28/08/2010 20:22

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kim147 · 28/08/2010 20:38

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Oldjolyon · 28/08/2010 20:43

I think it is very sensible. I am a FE college lecturer, and the number of times I have had the following conversation with 16 year old students this week:

So what 'A' levels do you want to do?
Not sure.
Well, what do you want to do when you leave college?
Don't know. Uni maybe?
What would you study?
Dunno.

It makes choosing GCSEs / A levels / Degree courses so much harder when you have absolutely no idea what it is what you want to do. Yet, it is not a decision you can make overnight, it takes time to come to a sensible and well considered decision - therefore, the younger the better in my view, so long as you're not putting on undue pressure. I've started talking to my DD about what she wants to do when she grows up. DD1 (7) wants to be a doctor and DD2 (3) wants to be a mummy .

hairytriangle · 28/08/2010 20:45

YABU if he has initiated the conversation, and if you would be equally informative were he to decide he'd like to do something vocational, rather than academic.

hairytriangle · 28/08/2010 20:47

~Damn. Too much wine already, that should read YANDBU if....

Oldjolyon I think sixteen is way too young, actually, for anyone to be deciding what they want to do 'for the rest of their lives' - and fourteen even more so. I think this is part of what is wrong with the UK Education system.

Oldjolyon · 28/08/2010 21:04

Hairy - but this is the system we live in, and until that changes I will be faced with students who suddenly work out what they want to do in the middle of their 'A' levels, only to find that they have totally chosen the wrong 'A' levels and then struggle to find a place at uni, despite having good grades. This has happened to my tutees this year, last year and one two years ago too. It is a recurring problem.

I agree that we need a more flexible system, but alas this is not the system we live in. The reality is, students have to know what they want to do at uni when picking their 'A' levels, and as I have seen this week, the choices they make at GCSE can affect what they are able to do at 'A' level... It would be great if we could leave it, but in the education system we actually live in, it would be foolish to do so.

hairytriangle · 28/08/2010 21:15

It's the system we live in but there are other avenues in the system.... why do we place more value on academic than on vocational? Carpenters, plasterers, plumbers make really good money!

We try way too hard to fit square pegs into round holes, and make a lot of kids stressed and miserable while we do that.

colapips · 28/08/2010 21:24

YANBU

My dd (14) has had her GCSEs, 'A' levels chosen, and course she wants to study at Uni with the Uni choices available since she was in Y7. This is all her own doing.

I wish I'd been like this at school I had no idea what I wanted to do, and the girls that I went to school with who did know what they wanted to do, have all successfully gone onto their chosen careers, be that own businesses (pet sitting), hairdressers, lawyers or doctor consultants.

twopeople · 28/08/2010 21:27

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Oldjolyon · 28/08/2010 21:28

"why do we place more value on academic than on vocational?"

That's a completely different point and totally irrelevant to the OP and main thrust of this thread.

If my DD wants to be a doctor - then great, I'll support her all the way, help her choose the best courses and unis and best way to get there. Equally, if she decides she wants to work with children say, I will also support her all the way, help her weigh up her options and consider all the roles with children that are and how she should go about doing this. I would then be advising her about taking a childcare course instead of 'A' levels in further maths. My point still remains valid, that unless she knows what she wants to do, she'll end up doing something completely irrelevant and then end up wasting time doing 'A' levels when they are completely irrelevant to what she wants to do ... this happens, and students drop out of college all the time because of this.

twopeople · 28/08/2010 21:29

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twopeople · 28/08/2010 21:43

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nooka · 28/08/2010 21:44

Being realistic is important too. I had a good friend at school who was desperate to become a vet, but not terribly academic (well not enough to be a vet as at the time you needed fantastic grades to go to veterinary school). There was no way he was going to be able to realise his dream. We all knew it, but he couldn't accept it. It would have been a kindness to him to have explored alternatives that might actually have been open to him.

So with my children I try to be clear about what skills are needed for which careers and where they might have strengths to exploit and weaknesses to address. Not to put them off things (they are only 10 and 11 so who knows what their skills or interests will be in a few years time), just to get them thinking about alternatives.

tokyonambu · 28/08/2010 21:47

"why do we place more value on academic than on vocational? Carpenters, plasterers, plumbers make really good money!"

There is, of course, more to education than money, and if you regard a degree as simply an upmarket meal-ticket you're going to be sorely disappointed.

Horton · 28/08/2010 22:39

I think it's very sensible to talk to your children about what their options might be later on and what they might have to achieve academically to make those options a reality. As long as you're not pushing one route above other equally valid ones or trying to push your child into something they don't really fancy or have the skills for, where's the harm? And the OP sounds like she had a sensible discussion with her interested child and both came out of it feeling something had been achieved. I think more parents should take an interest at this stage; good on you, OP.

hairytriangle · 28/08/2010 22:47

That's a completely different point and totally irrelevant to the OP and main thrust of this thread.

I disagree. asked if it was unreasonable to be discussing uni and A levels with an eleven year old. I responded to say (in essence) 'only if you'd be equally as comfortable discussing other options'

musicposy · 28/08/2010 22:55

I think it's a good thing to discuss, as long as you are not ramming it down his throat, which clearly by your OP, you are not. The conversations are initiated by him, so why not discuss the reality of achieving his ambitions? Then he will have a goal which will make working hard at secondary school worthwhile.

My DD2 was 11 this week and has recently said she would love to do a science degree at a good university. She dislikes Biology, though (absolutely loves Physics and Chemistry) and so it has been a good springboard for discussing that, if she wants to specialise in sciences, she will almost certainly need excellent GCSE grades in all three. It's given her food for thought - I'm certainly not going to make her do all three - but at least she knows what she needs to do if she wants to get where she wants badly enough.

My eldest has for a long time wanted to work as a dancer, ideally in ballet, but she will take holiday camp/ theme park jobs if need be - she knows she wants to work in the performance industry in some way. A few people have said it's a waste of her brain, but I want both my girls to be happy first and foremost.

I use this to make the point that I don't think discussing future aspirations in this way is being pushy or valuing vocational courses less. I think it's about taking seriously what your child wants to do and giving them every encouragement, whatever that may be. At only 11, the plan may well change, but I still think it's a valid and sensible discussion to have. :)

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