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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wish that 2 of the 5 most recent AIBUS weren't about "fatties"

53 replies

sanielle · 27/08/2010 09:11

Just feeling a bit fat and sad and pregnant.

Don't really need it. I can understand to a degre why people would be upset about an overweight family (people shouldn't stick their bad eating habits on children).. But the diabetes one really pisses me off. Some of the resoponses on both threads are really hurtful.

OP posts:
Kaloki · 27/08/2010 12:26

Isn't it just gigantaur :(

Amaxapax · 27/08/2010 12:28

I've lurked on MN for ages now, but reading all these threads about obesity lately has spurred me to join, simply to encourage people to look into the Health at Every Size movement. We are given permission every day to believe that being overweight or obese is synonymous with being smelly, lazy or stupid. The word "fat" has become an insult, when it's not. It's simply an adjective, like tall, thin, short, etc.

I have struggled with my weight for years. While I'm finally nearing a weight at which I feel comfortable, I have also found that reading about Health at Every Size has encouraged me to be less judgmental of other people. I was so ashamed of my own weight that I had a strong bias against others who were overweight. I've now realised that I can't really know how any one else lives. No one would judge a family of thin people for having a lunch of sausage rolls from Gregg's, but a fat family's eating habits suddenly becomes the business of everyone around them. I'm not saying it's acceptable for parents to fail to teach children healthy eating habits, because it certainly isn't. Unfortunately, it isn't any outsider's place to pass comment.

Fat is a complicated issue. I really recommend people research Health at Every Size, which demonstrates that the BMI scale is flawed and it is possible to be healthy and obese. The woman who writes this website is an amazing example of the kind of judgment and prejudice fat people face, despite the fact that she can probably exercise circles around most thin people!

Most importantly, and despite what many people on here seem to believe, you can't shame someone into being thin. You can say over and over that a fat person is disgusting or should lose weight or that it's simple! Just calories in versus calories out! But that won't make them thin. Even the guise of concern over their health is inappropriate. Weight is a personal issue and it's time for it to be taken out of the public domain.

gorionine · 27/08/2010 12:28

Ladies if you go now on the "fatphibic" one, you will see that the discussion has moved on quite dramaticcally in a good way so there is hopeGrin. I think if even just one person changed her preconception of it it is a really good step foreward isn't it?

BaggedandTagged · 28/08/2010 04:33

Crunchyfrog- agree that many of these recommended diets are unrealistically low cals for something that has to be a longer term lifestyle change and not a quick fix. For many very overweight people, even if they brought their calorie intake into the 2000 range, they would lose weight, albeit slowly, but doctors dont tell people this- possibly because they think that everyone cheats on diets so they need some margin for error.

Minxie1977 · 28/08/2010 07:23

It makes me really sad to think people are disgusted by the way anyone looks. Imagine if you started an 'ugly people shouldn't be allowed relationships in case they perpetuate thier ugliness' thread. Reading the bile about fatties makes me want a cake!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/08/2010 07:31

I hate the threads..I really hate people telling others how they should be, and that they should lose weight, a person's weight is their own private matter!

Minxie1977 · 28/08/2010 07:35

Well you'd think so Fanjo but then someone mentions a drain on the NHS and it all goes poof, plus being fat makes you a bad parent/lazy/unfit/unattractive/the devil....... delete as appropriate.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/08/2010 07:38

Angry at the mere thought of those threads I have stepped away from them.

spiritmum · 28/08/2010 09:24

I don't think we can get away from the fact we live in a very lookist society with a popular culture that is built all around image. When I was in my teens being a size 12 was a good thing, but now that is seen as 'fat' by young women.

It's not helped by the fact that the Govt's 'eat less, move more' message re-enforces the misconception that being overweight is simply a matter of greed and laziness. It isn't. But then it is easier for the Govt. to produce some posters about going for a walk and eating some salad than to tackle the myriad reasons why people put on weight and struggle to lose it - not least because their policies are partly to blame in so many ways.

borderslass · 28/08/2010 09:41

I struggled to lose weight for years however when I was younger I was close to anorexia but then I met DH and he helped me. forced me to eat With one thing and another having kids one with sn and the added stress and health problems I gained a lot of weight went back to my old ways of hardly eating but I went up to 16 stone and was a size 20-22 but since joing slimming world and started eating proper regular meals i've lost over 5 stone still got a bit to go I'm now a size 10-12 and 10 and a half stone its not always as easy as eat less move more.
But it doesn't really help to see threads like these ones I had the looks and the sniggering at my expense when I was fat and I walked my dd the 2 miles to school and back every day up and down hills, I also swam a mile every day.

gorionine · 28/08/2010 09:42

It always makes me Hmm when someone mentionnes the NHS and taxes as if overweight people were somehow exempted from paying taxes themselves. I never had my tonsils/apendix taken out yet it is likely that my taxes have been put towards some people's operation. the all point of it is solidarity is it not? rather than you pay for what you get?

gorionine · 28/08/2010 09:49

"But it doesn't really help to see threads like these ones I had the looks and the sniggering at my expense when I was fat and I walked my dd the 2 miles to school and back every day up and down hills"

I walk 7 miles a day doing the same(have done for the past 8 years have been overweight for the past 10 years, was very slim before and probably never imagined I would end up being fat one day). I feel like strangling the "good intentionned" people who tell me every time they see me "with all that walking you should look like a stick!" Well if reasonable food intake and exercice were the only factors I am sure I would know it by now!

TrillianAstra · 28/08/2010 10:11

Well you've just made it so that another AIBU has 'fatties' in the title. Last time I looked at the '30 yr old fatties' one everyine was telling the OP that type 2 diabetes is not entirely your own fault and she was being very unreasonable.

Thread titles are just the thoughts of one single person. Plus they are often exaggerated in order to get more attention. Don't take them personally, or as an indicator of what 'most of MN' is thinking.

Heracles · 28/08/2010 10:45

I just wish 4 in 6 new threads didn't make up statistics.

LookToWindward · 28/08/2010 12:37

Well it is simple. It's not even biology, just basic physics. Energy in vs energy out. Too much on one side or the other will cause problems either way.

However as someone else has so correctly pointed out, what it isn't is easy. It takes dedication, determination and self control to change your lifestyle as such to lose weight.

I have at various points in my life been thin, fat(ish) athletic and lethargic, however at every point I have accepted that whatever state my body is in was my own doing. I didn't blame it on my genes, my metabolism or society or other such whining.

So, if people chose to be obese (and it is a choice) then fair enough, that's up to them. But I will judge them for being lazy and lacking the self control to let themselves get in to that state and it does (as it should) carry a social stigma - just as smoking, drug and alcohol abuse do.

lostrequiem · 29/08/2010 08:22

LooktoWindward - obesity is rarely a conscious choice, don't be ridiculous. Obesity is often caused by ignorance - not being told what is healthy, or what sort of exercise would work for you etc. etc.

Yes, I will admit, some overweight people are lazy. Hell, I've known a few! But it's foolish to assume that every case is the same.

Two examples for you from my own life;
This may sound like whinging to you, but I found exercise difficult even as a child, getting out of breath easily and never getting fitter despite copious amounts of P.E. (I'm not asthmatic or anything, I have no idea why I've always struggled so much Confused) I am just now (10 years on) managing to lose some of the weight put on not due to laziness or bad diet - but just because I put weight on. No doctor can explain to me why it happened.

Now take my sister as an example; she never exercises, sits on her computer all day and night, eats junk food 24/7. She is as thin as a rake and always has been.
Explain that to me, will you?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 29/08/2010 08:57

Another "I have great willpower, I will scorn others who do not in a lofty manner" post...nice...!

sanielle · 29/08/2010 12:44

"But I will judge them for being lazy and lacking the self control to let themselves get in to that state and it does (as it should) carry a social stigma"

LooktoWindward
What gives you the right to judge? And how can you compare smoking which affects others and drinking which affects others to being overweight? I feel bad for people who have a cigarette addiction I don't judge them for it. I judge them when they choose to smoke in other's faces. I feel bad for someone who is an alcoholic I judge men who get drunk then use it as an excuse to beat their wives and children.

If I use my fat to hurt other. By say following around skinny people and sitting on them.. yes you could judge me. Otheriwse you should really keep your thoughts to yourself.

OP posts:
SugarMousePink · 29/08/2010 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minxie1977 · 29/08/2010 20:54

Look it's odd to judge obese people as lazy! The two don't necessarily follow. I prefer to judge on how people act - so I'll be judging you a bit of a nobber Smile

hairytriangle · 29/08/2010 21:00

I can say that it is not as simple as calories in/calories out for everyone."

Morloth Well done for losing that weight that's a very hard thing to do.

With respect, everyone's metabolism is different, so 'carlories in calories out' relates to maintaining a healthy weight, not losing weight, and the balance will not be the same for all.

We just have to accept that - and I think that's partly why more and more people are getting overweight. The fact is, if you have a 'genetic disposition' towards gaining weight, you have to take in fewer calories than someone who doesn't. Life's a bitch and full of unfairnesses.

Once a person is overweight, then it has to be more calories out than in.

I know from experience too.

hairytriangle · 29/08/2010 21:05

Hear hear Looktowinward

I'll use myself as an example.

I've been both underweight, healthy weight, and overweight.

I'm now right on the verge of overweight for my height (10stone, I'm 5'3") and it is purely because I have been lazy (not doing any exercise) and eating lots of high calorie luxury foods - crisps, chocolate, cake, take aways etc.

Simples.

At the moment, I'm just fitting into my size 12's and I would call myself fat as I have got pads of fat around my belly (two spare tyres), arms, legs and bum.

huffythethreadslayer · 29/08/2010 21:13

The other thread drove me nuts as it was a fatbashing fiesta, at least to start with. I get tired of people finding it acceptable to judge, condemn and generally badmouth people who are overweight.

I'll say one thing that I said on the other thread. Thin is not always good. Fat is not always bad. And whilst we teach our kids (particularly our girls) that these jingoisms are o.k., we're letting them down. And teaching them to be totally judgemental about things that are probably not in the control of the people they're judging!

Anorexics are thin and that's not healthy. Junkies are thin...that's not healthy. Some alcoholics are thin and that's not healthy. Some smokers are thin and that's not healthy.

If we keep equating thin with healthy, we are giving totally the wrong message to kids. The OP is right to be sad that Fatbashing is acceptable and in fact, almost trendy right now. Sad, sad, sad imo.

Minxie1977 · 29/08/2010 21:19

Well said huffy - my mum was only slim once in her life - when she had terminal cancer. The rest she was obese - she worked 14-16 hours a day, on her feet all day, never lazy. She ate too much OK but very little 'bad' stuff. You don't know a person's lifestyle cos of their size. Imagine if the word fat was replaced by something more contentious, there'd be uproar on here - rightly so- but like you say it's trendy to fat bash.

gorionine · 30/08/2010 08:26

"I'm now right on the verge of overweight for my height (10stone, I'm 5'3") and it is purely because I have been lazy (not doing any exercise) and eating lots of high calorie luxury foods - crisps, chocolate, cake, take aways etc."

Hairtriangle, because every single woman actually is you?Hmm

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