not to tell XP DS's GCSE results?

[mumof4sons]

XP has texted me 3/4 times asking for GCSE results. DS not bothered whether his father knows or not and hasn't bothered to text/contact him himself.

I am not on good terms with XP and turn into raving loony whenever I text, email or talk to him, so am really trying to avoid doing anything.

I am not over the fact that he walked out on a 20 year marriage and 4 DSs for a married whore who is 15 years younger than him. I am currently going through a bitter divorce with XP.

What would you do?

yabu

Presumably your son is 16?

Therefore old enough to tell hid father himself should he desire.

BoneyBack, not sure that maintenence has anything to do with it.

Can the op come back and confirm if her ex has actually asked his son himself?

16 is not really a child though is it, he can go out and work, have married and have children if he wanted to! How is it game playing? It's up to the son if he wants his father to know or not, not the mother to interfere.

That's just what I think though based on recent events with my children and their abusive father, who I wish would just leave us all the hell alone, sorry I'm just so angry right now.

If he has asked and the son wants to share, he will. If they have a normal relationship and he is really involved he will see his son fairly soon and they can discuss it together then.

Also if he is so interested why doesn't he ring her instead of texting?

Tue 24-Aug-10 18:17:59

I wouldn't tell him, your son is 16.
So your ex should be phoning him directly, and if your son chooses not to tell him, then your ex should consider the sort of relationship he has with his son

Agree with Goblin.

Ask DS if it's OK, text him subjects and grades then repeat after me, "in with anger, out with love, I am the better person, I am water he is stone" or similar Zen/hippy stuff. Don't know about you but I LOVE the moral highground, the view is great and you can look down on ExH from there.

I would text the results. What has happened between you and your ex has nothing to do with your son. It is great for your son that his Dad is interested enough in him to bother to text or remember when the exam results are out.

Being difficult will only ever have a negative effect on the relationship your son has with his father, and that is not a good thing at all.

Plus, your DH left you, not your sons. Obviously the two aren't mutually exclusive and the way your ex has treated you is very wrong, but these days people don't have to stay in marriaged where they are not happy.

Agree with Shiney

Set aside your own feelings where matters involving the children are concerned

Tell him yourself, or encourage your son to tell him.
Your xh, despite his apparently appalling behaviour, has obviously been thinking of his son today. That surely shows he has at least some level of concern for his welfare.

Try to make your son aware, if you haven't already, that you are happy for him to have a relationship with his father, despite your own feelings towards him.

He sounds like a twat but maybe he is not asking your son directly in case your son is not happy with his results? Maybe he's being sensitive?
Tell him with no comments and suggest he phones DS to congratulate him directly.

Or.....text him that you've promised DS £100 for each grade above an E and said that he'll match it

What's the big deal? just tell him. He's his father after all and you shouldnt be deliberately withholding this information, especially if you have joint custody and a joint interest in the boy's upbringing. Remember this is not about you... You should be pleased that your ex is showing an interest. As other posters have said, there are plenty of people on here who would moan if their ex showed no interest...

the problem with leaving it to the ds to tell his father is that the ds may well be saying he doesn't want to tell/doesn't care to protect his mother's feelings.

16 is a funny age, and you are clearly still vey hurt and upset, mumof4sons.

please don't involve your son in this, it is a bigger subject than he knows how to handle.

just text/email the results back (unless your ds specifically doesn't want his dad to know, which seems not to be the case).

agree with those who have said that if ex hadn't bothered to ask you would have (rightly) been furious.

he has asked, so let him know. he has a right to know, as your ds' father.

Tell him, he's his father!
They are public exams so they will be in the local paper in day or 2 anyway won't they.

hes his dad he should be bloody well showing an interest ..still don't get why he can't ask his son directly ..but hard to tell as don't know the situation regarding contact

He maybe doesn't like to approach his son directly incase its Bad News.

Surely, as a father, that's part of the job description? Why should the mother have to bear all the news? If son wanted father to know then he'd tell him I imagine.

I don't see why he isn't asking his son instead of you.

I'd text him something along the lines of: "He did very well thank you, maybe you'd like to call him for him to tell you himself?"

Tell him the results....why cause more aggravation..don't know the situation but whats the problem with trying to be civilised

YABU - extremely - no matter what your issues are with him, he is the father of your child.

exactly ,hes the father the least he can do is ring his son

He's only asking so that he can appear like he's still involved, when colleagues, acquaintances, friends ask.... the fact that he doesn't know and can't reply to anyone asking how his boy has done is making him lose face, and is driving him nuts....

I agree with the 'They are DS results to give, not mine' response...., and 'I'm proud of my son.' and leave it at that.

IMHO you simply don't go around trampling families into the dust, treating the mother of his 4 dc like nothing and then continue to remain in a privileged position wrt info, exams and celebrations.

Given what he's done to you Mumof, I dare say it'll be a tough call to find any circumstances in which you could ever be described as BU. If you don't feel like sharing the info, let the arse sweat.

I would tell him, he is after all your son's father and if the shoe was on the other foot I assume you would want to know too.