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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

should I be making more of an effort for DH?

27 replies

sapphireblue · 24/08/2010 16:38

I've just inadvertently caught sight of myself in the mirror and it got me wondering!

We went out to visit a friend this morning, so I was wearing make-up and my jeans etc. Then I came home and put on my old maternity tracksuit bottoms with the horribly baggy knees. I have rubbed my eyes so now have black smudges underneath (does a great job of emphasising the eye bags!!). My black top has a big baby sick stain on the shoulder.

This is pretty much what my DH is faced with every day when he gets in from work. Not good, right?

OP posts:
sowhatis · 24/08/2010 16:40

sounds fairly normal to me! dont beat yourself up about it x

BlingLoving · 24/08/2010 16:41

I hear you. I sometimes worry about this myself with DH and he has sometimes (gently) said something to me. I have put a real effort into my making my "lounging around the house" clothing more attractive - ie decent trackies and t-shirts that are comfortable but that still nice enough to not be embarassed if someone comes to the door.

Lulumaam · 24/08/2010 16:41

make it for yourself, not for DH.

i don't see why you would wear sick stained clothes and not clean smudgy make up off your face..for yourself,. so you feel good

nothing wrong with wearing a trackie and no make up at home, but dirty clothes would make me feel horrible as would smudgy make up

why did you get changed when you got home?

Original poster
sapphireblue · 24/08/2010 16:45

Because my jeans are too tight Blush and cut into me when sitting/playing on the floor etc. I will clean the make-up off now that I have noticed it Grin

I guess I think I look pretty awful at the moment and there's no point bothering Sad

OP posts:
shandydrinker · 24/08/2010 16:46

i wouldnt bother, is he very appearance driven? My dh now changes into his old trackies and scruffs to blend in with me the moment he gets in Grin

BlingLoving · 24/08/2010 16:49

Sapphire - I have a few pairs of less fab, but very comfortable, stretchy jeans I whip out occassionally... cheapos from Next! Grin

Original poster
sapphireblue · 24/08/2010 16:49

no he's not at all appearance driven. He doesn't buy new clothes until the old ones literally fall apart Grin He says he always finds me attractive no matter what, but it's hard to believe sometimes!

OP posts:
shandydrinker · 24/08/2010 16:49

just read your last post, you sound a bit down ... Maybe a bit of time devoted to yourself would help cheer you up?

minxofmancunia · 24/08/2010 16:51

you sound down on yourself which is easily done when you spend all day looking after children, do it for yourself, I bet you don't look awful but you'll look even better with smudgy make-up wiped off and clean "lounging" clothes.

FWIW I still wear my maternity jersey wide leg trousers round the house with one of dhs hoodies as they are so comfy. And although I hate the look of my hair tied back up it goes as soon as I walk through the door!

Jabbathehun · 24/08/2010 16:53

Don't make an effort for DH, but do it for yourself if it bothers you.

I am a big fan of comfy house clothes so don't see a problem in ivesting say £10 max on a pair of dark, fitted elasticated waist trousers and a comfy t-shirt type top. Wouldn't bother with make up unless I'm going out.

Original poster
sapphireblue · 24/08/2010 16:53

I think you have a point shandy.....DD2 has just hit 6 months so I've come out of the newborn phase and had a chance to take a look at myself. I think I need to start dedicating some time to myself now and again (as we all do!) Also need to do something about the baby weight and invest in some smarter new clothes.

OP posts:
sloanypony · 24/08/2010 16:53

When I "became" a parent and gave up work, I slowly replaced my wardrobe with stuff that is both comfortable and practical but that also looks nice.

I still wear jeans, and yes if they dont fit they are uncomfy but dont worry you'll get there, but when it comes to round the house/schoolrun/pop to shops stuff, (i.e just dicking around but not necessarily going out to lunch or doing anything particularly formal) there is a lot of really nice but comfy stuff out there. Some of it isn't that cheap, but you can shop around and build it up piece by piece.

In my opinion, black or dark coloured roll top yoga pants are nearly always more chic than tracksuit bottoms. They are bootleg and from a distance dont necessarily look that different in shape to something you might wear to the office in the way they drape and flow - but feel like you are wearing PJ's.

If you get the top bit right with some layery knits, you will be looking fab but comfy for round the house.

Not that it should matter! Its only a problem if its a problem.

sorky · 24/08/2010 16:54

I must admit, I do go and have a look in the mirror before he's due in.

I don't do full make-up etc but I do brush my hair and make sure my clothes are clean.

Doesn't happen if it's a jama day though

twolittlemonkeys · 24/08/2010 16:54

Sounds just like me. My DH isn't appearance driven but still I feel I ought to make more of an effort as I look a state most days if I don't have somewhere to go. When I do make a bit more of an effort with my appearance I feel better and more confident. I agree with the others who say do it for yourself (and I'm sure your DH will also appreciate it!)

LindyHemming · 24/08/2010 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lulumaam · 24/08/2010 17:02

oh dear Sad you sound a bit down

but i promise you, making the effort for yourself will help, you are worth making the effort fro

wearing clean clothes and brushing hair, taking off/reapplying make up, spending time on yourself, and feeling worth wearing clean clothes etc will be a big boost to you

RonansMummy · 24/08/2010 17:14

that sounds familiar!

weirdbird · 24/08/2010 17:36

Make the effort for yourself, I don't make it for DH but I do try and make it for me, as it does wonders for my self esteem when I am looking ok, hair has been cut, clothes are clean and flattering!

Is it worth investing in a few items that fit you now and make you feel better about how you look that aren't too small?

With my first I was so determined not to waste money and to get back in my pre pregnancy clothes that I almost punished myself unintentionally by not buying any items in a in between size.

RonansMummy · 24/08/2010 17:41

going against the grain here, i DO think its nice to sometimes make an effort purely for DH when i'd be happy to stay looking like a slob, but thats probably because i know he doesn't mind me looking like a slob. I don't want him to think he's not worth the effort.

....but only sometimes, don't want to raise his expectations!

MandyMcFly · 24/08/2010 17:54

I think it's nice to make the effort.
He shouldn't expect you too though, but you'd probably feel better yourself Smile

I wear make up and get properly dressed everyday even if I'm not leaving the house, it really makes a difference to how I feel. If I slob around in pyjamas, I feel so grubby! I love feeling fresh and 'done'. Smile

undercovamutha · 24/08/2010 18:00

I know how you feel OP!

I get dressed in a smart suit, high heels, makeup every morning and go to work.

Then I come home, get changed into sloppy t-shirt, joggers, slippers, make-up long gone.

By the time DH comes home I have dribble, bits of breadstick and about 20 stickers all over me. DH has learnt to take a good look at 7.30am when I'm looking good, cos that's it for the day! Grin

SqueezyB · 24/08/2010 18:05

I hear you... caught sight of myself recently in a shop window and thought what happened to me?!

I have one pair of jeans that fit, apart from maternity ones. My outfits consist of those jeans, BF tops and various baggy cardis/sweatshirts. I used to always straighten my hair, now it gets washed and tied back wet! No make up - ooh I'm such a catch! In my defence DD2 is 9 wks so I'm lucky to actually get dressed in the morning!

I did make an effort last weekend when we went out for lunch and must admit it did feel nice. Just wish i had the time, and enough decent clothes that fit to do it all the time!

Original poster
sapphireblue · 24/08/2010 18:15

That's a very good point weird.......I've been telling myself for 2.5 years that I wouldn't buy any clothes til I was back to "normal". Maybe I should accept that "normal" has changed somewhat Grin

If any one wants to link to anything they would consider smart-ish casual clothes I would appreciate. Back when I used to work for a living I didn't really do casual so I don't even know what I'm looking for Blush. Size 18/20 though unfortunately which I guess makes it more difficult.

I've just noticed I'm in AIBU too.......in my sleep deprived state I thought I'd posted in chat Blush

OP posts:
sowhatis · 24/08/2010 18:24

i like looking nice, but sometimes i jsut want comfy and slouchy. would also be interested in a link. i need to get some new stuff! (something kids and dog proof would be perfect please!)

pink4ever · 24/08/2010 18:29

I wouldnt be seen dead outside the house without a bit of makeup and fairly decent clothes.but at home its completely different matter! dh doent usually get home till after 8 so by that point am in pjs/make up sweated off(running after 3 kids),hair up or in a tangle.so no not a sexy look!
Have also done things like take bins out/chat to neighbours while still in pjs and this really embaresses dh. but then never compliments me when look nice either so why should I bother?