To find it upsetting/strange when a close friend shows no interest in my children?

[Cortina]

I have a very close friend who is single and would very much like to find a partner and have children herself.

I have a son who is 6 and my close friend has shown no interest in him at all since he was born. Never bought a Birthday present or even acknowledged his existence really, it's bizarre. I try not to mention him too much when we see each other, as I know children are a sensitive point, but her attitude is beginning to bug me now.

It was his Birthday recently and I mentioned it briefly in an email She ignored the reference. I've been single when close friends have married and had children and I always put personal feelings aside and was happy for them and have taken an interest in their children.

She wants to meet someone, she's 40 but won't do anything to make this happen/increase her chances of this happening. I feel so frustrated with her sometimes. She's a wonderful person in every other respect.

Aside from anything else, I think you should get your DS christened if that is what you want to do and is what you would otherwise have done. Why should he miss out on a very significant event purely because this woman is being crap? If she asks about wqhy she wasn't asked to be his godmother you could use that as an opportunity to explain how you feel.

I know you're right Isabella.

Just pick someone who is very interested in your child to be a godmother. We picked a family friend as a family obligation type thing, and it's useless, she has a child of her own but no interest in being a godparent and I wish she'd said no, or we had been more sensible in who we chose. A real interest in the child is a prerequisite for a godparent, if she asks why not her, you could lie and make up an excuse ('they already have children' or whatever) or tell her the truth, she's not appeared that interested in your child and so it didn't seem like a good fit for anyone. But the friendship will founder if you say that, TBH.

The pet analogy is quite a good one, if a bit strange. I have a work colleague/friend who loves her dogs, she gets photos out to show me the dogs, I pet the dogs when I go, ask after them etc. Now, I'm not that interested in dogs, but they are incredibly important to her, and I like her, so I am interested. If I avoided mentioning the dogs, changed the subject when she mentioned the dogs, avoided her house because of the dogs,that would be odd. It's not odd not to make them the centrepiece of any conversation, but it is odd to deny their existence, just as I would be sympathetic if anything happened to them. I am always interested in the new person in my single friends' life, and I don't see this as too much different.

Your friend must realise that she has never even once in 6 years mentioned your DS. I can't imagine how, knowing that to be the case, she would expect to be asked to be godmother, unless she is utterly and monumentally self-obsessed.

How was she when you were pregnant? Was she involved and supportive then or did she show the same complete lack of interest?

I understand where you are coming from. I don't like children really (although my own due to be born in November will be fabulous!!) but I would at least feign some interest if my friends had children. Same way i would ask about their upcoming weddings or their boyfriends, or husbands or jobs. Just show general interest. I also think not coming to the birthday party if she is that good a friend is a bit poor. I would expect my closest friends to attend. She should do it because she knows it would make you happy, even if she doesn't give a jot about your child. I am 29 weeks pregnant and I bore my friends with pregnancy updates. My best friend who lives on the other side of the world is the absolute best and listens to be rabbling on. She has no children but still manages to take the time to show an interest.

So I think you are right to be upset!

To be honest I can't remember how she was during the pregnancy, I took it in my stride. I am now expecting again and it never seems to come up in conversation.

While it is definitely wrong to expect other people to fawn all over our own children, I don't really know how you can be close friends with someone if you feel like a huge chunk of your life is off-limits.

Have you actually tried sitting down and talking to your friend? Don't mention gifts or anything petty like that, but just say that you have noticed that she doesn't seem very interested at all in your family and that you would want to know if there was a problem. Maybe if she does have a problem with your DP, it's time to clear the air?

If she's as close as you say, I don't know why you can't talk about it

I don't think OP is saying the friend has to be friends with her son, but rather just that some interest is showing. If you are pregnant again and she never mentions it, I think this is also odd. Surely she must ask how you are feeling, about the pregnancy?

I find other people's children rather dull as well but I would show some interest. One of my best friends has no kids and is not married but has a little dog with her boyfriend who they both adore. I ALWAYS ask her about him because (a) I love dogs and (b) because he is important to her. It's called being a good friend.

What I find hard to believe is that someone who professes to think of this person like a sister hasn't ever spoken about this issue. In six years you didn't think to say, "hey X, whats the story, whats with the pretending I don't have a kid?"

I mean, come on! How close could you possibly be?

YABU,She does not have to be interested in your child. My best friend and I both have children but we never buy each others children Birthday cards or presents

In an ideal world that's how things would pan out bonnie but quite often in rl it's a little bit more complex than that. How many people on here have issues within their own family that are just not spoken about or merely skirted around/swept under the carpet? I know I do. It might not be right but there you are.

agree with MissWooWoo life is complicated and some things are not discussed

they may not be discussed because of fear of what the answer may be and also because it may lead to destruction of the friendship. Sometimes people just hope that things will change.