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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move to Scotland?

79 replies

MichaelaFinnigan · 23/08/2010 18:01

We have sold our flat in london, we'll be moving out on Thursday. We've not found a house to move in to yet, but the options are to live in Scotland to live near DH's family or to move to the west country to be near my mum. We'll have to move in with Mum for a while as we'll be homeless.

We were buying a house near Mum but it fell through. Mum was delighted we were going there, and saw her future being near her grand children and with us nearby to help her with the house and garden.

DH has always wanted to go back to Edinburgh. This would be better for work for us probably and there is quite a lot to offer for DS as he grows up. I was always a concerned about moving so far away from my family, and wanted to be nearer Mum as she got older. Mum hates Edinburgh and has an unreasonable hatred of things Scottish due to a bad experience in her youth with an ex boyfriend. She swears she'll never visit.

AIBU to move there even though it would break Mum's heart?

OP posts:

PlanetEarth · 23/08/2010 18:10

I think your mum is being pretty unreasonable. Won't visit due to a bad experience with an ex boyfriend? How many years ago? She needs to get over it!

teenyanne · 23/08/2010 18:12

You can't spend your life making choices dependent on what your mum wants - you need to do what's best for you and your family re: work / schools / homes etc. so YANBU.

I'm from Scotland, and live in the southeast. Although it's far from my family, with a little planning it is relatively easy for them and us to visit each other (in-fact since my dd was born I can't get rid of them!). And with advance booking trains and planes can be quite reasonable.

{fwiw, i think you would be less unreasonable to move to the west coast - preferable imo}

Folicacid · 23/08/2010 18:12

YANBU and I bet your mum will visit.

Edinburgh is a beautiful city and will be less of a culture shock than the West Country.

Go for it. Your mum is BU to say she will not visit due to an experience than happened what 50 years ago?

Original poster

MichaelaFinnigan · 23/08/2010 18:32

Thanks everyone. I know you're right.

OP posts:

TwistAndShout · 23/08/2010 18:51

You need to live where you want but I can kind of see how your Mum is extra disappointed if she thought you were moving near by and now actually you're going even further away.

I'm sure she'll come round and visit eventually but it's worth looking at her point of view.

(That said, I'm a bit of a wimp who listens to much to my own Mum - the other MNers have probably given the right advice!)

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 23/08/2010 18:54

Do what suits you, your husband and your son. They come first. Your Mum will come round.

TheUnmentioned · 23/08/2010 18:56

Move to Edinburgh, it is the best city in the world imho!

would you be actually living in Edinburgh though because also imho the outskirts etc are pretty rubbish!

WitchyWooWoo · 23/08/2010 19:02

move where you want to. your mum will come round to the idea! if not in central edinburgh there re beautiful places within easy travelling distance :)

Mowiol · 23/08/2010 19:02

So if your DH is Scottish does she hate him? I am genuinely curious by the way! I wondered about how she reacted when she discovered you were seeing/marrying a Scottish guy. Or is he English but lived in Scotland?

ratspeaker · 23/08/2010 19:06

Seems a bit unfair to take against a whole nation just coz of a bad experience with one person

Have a look around at Edinburgh house prices compared to West Country, we can be a bit dear.
You'll find that our system of house buying means a sale is less likely to fall through as contacts are exchanged well before moving.
Check out ESPC website for properties, theres also estate agent sites

I had the opposite to you in that my mum moved to The West Country and I stayed in Scotland.
My sister still lives down there, in fact I drove down to visit her last month.
There's also flights now as well as trains

Have you got jobs lined up anywhere?

Original poster

MichaelaFinnigan · 23/08/2010 19:48

Mowiot - she's got used to it, but still makes casual snidey remarks about his scottishness - and my SIL is also scottish

Ratspeaker - We don't have jobs lined up as we're self employed. I am a garden designer, DH is a songwriter.

Twistandshout - I can see her point of view too, that's why I feel so awful about the fact that I'll probably move so far away.

OP posts:

MsFaithless · 23/08/2010 20:09

What were your reasons for and against moving to the West Country before the house fell through?

As someone who has made a similar move I say go for it if the only thing stopping you are your mother's concerns. That said, don't underestimate how far away from friends/family you will feel when you need them or they need you. I've found there are situations when I'd really love to be there for people who are close to me but last minute travel is prohibitively expensive and impractical which can be very isolating.

Also, the employment situation north of the border isn't exactly improving but if you're both self employed it shouldn't be too bad.

Summerbird73 · 23/08/2010 20:16

I can see where your mum is coming from here (not that i agree with her mind!) my mum would react similarly.

See she was getting all excited about you moving to the west country with your DS (her DGS) and would have been anxious for you when your house sale fell through. Now the prospect of you (and frankly more importantly DGS) moving so far north is obviously hard for her.

That said, it is your life and you and your little family need to make choices that suit you not your family. She will also be envious that DGS's other grandparents will be local and see him all the time when it should have been her.

You need to have a heart to heart with her and let her know that you are all still a family (she will visit BTW - if she is like my mum then she will be desperate to see DGS).

Good luck - me, DH and DS are all in the same situ - except my parents are in Edinburgh and the IL's are in Birmingham - we are in Manchester!

wonderinglinda · 23/08/2010 20:20

Move move move!

I moved from Edinburgh three years ago and I miss it so much. I also have made far too many decisions based on guilt surrounding my parents - they moved North with us and now that I'd like to move away again, I feel I absolutely can't as they came here to be with us (I'm an only child).

Good luck!

CheckingCheques · 23/08/2010 20:21

Go where your family want to be. Personally I'd go for West Country. You could always go to Scotland later, but can't do vice versa (priced out the housing market etc). Talking as someone who had a similar location choice and took scotland.

There can definately be issues with the whole english bashing - all put down to a bit of fun - but it's really not!

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 23/08/2010 20:30

English bashing, Checking?? And yet the OP's mum has decided that she hates all Scots? Works both ways you know, speaking as someone from Kent who now lives in Edinburgh.

I love it up here (apart from the weather!), there is a real buzz about the city, it's gentile in places and lively in others, loads of museums and galleries, good shopping, lovely countryside nearby, and the city is just steeped in history. What's not to love? I'm so sorry that your mum is being so difficult about it for you . I can understand her point of view though, it must have been hard for her knowing that you were almost moving beside her. I hope it all works out for you

scottishmummy · 23/08/2010 20:37

cannot live your adult life based on mums foibles.what do you and dh want,what suits you. mum disliking edinburgh based on some winch she had in past is a bit mental

LetThereBeRock · 23/08/2010 20:39

YANBU,though Edinburgh is very nice, Glasgow is better.

scottishmummy · 23/08/2010 20:41

both great,both completely different cities.but you cannot live life based on mumns foibles and half baked prejudices

LetThereBeRock · 23/08/2010 20:42

So yes, go there if that's what you want. It's your mother who has the problem,she has no right to try to make it yours.

Tootlesmummy · 23/08/2010 20:44

I wouldn't live in the centre of Edinburgh (too expensive and mainly flats!) but some of the outlying areas are really nice.
I wouldn't let your mum affect what you do, she'll visit and she really needs to get over her issue!
Do what's best for your family.

scottishmummy · 23/08/2010 20:46

my mum swears edinburgh folk are "awfy queer face like skelped arse". on that matter i ignore her.she formed this opinion in a nanosecond based on a cold sausage roll in a cafe and subsequent complaint...and hasnt shifted

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 23/08/2010 20:47

Ach yer ARSE, Rock. Everyone knows Edinburgh is miles better - far too many weegies in the other place for a start

LetThereBeRock · 23/08/2010 20:49

I have a fondness for Edinburgh but enjoy winding the Edinbuggers up.

I much prefer Glasgow however,but love to visit Edinburgh. I stayed there for a while too and quite enjoyed it,though I wouldn't want to stay longterm.

Give it a go OP. You'll probably love it.

LetThereBeRock · 23/08/2010 20:50

There a few hundred thousand Weegies but that's what makes it so great.

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