Leaving DD for 3 nights for a wedding, ok or not?

[2cats]

A close friend is due to get married next year about 200 miles away from where we live.

DD will be 18 months by this stage and she wants us to go away with them for three nights and not bring DD. I have said I am not happy to do this, AIBU?

If you're happy to do this then of course you're not being unreasonable.

Well - I assume you're not leaving her on her own

So you don't want to take dd to the wedding?

No way would I do this. Why 3 nights? Why no DD? Frankly (perhaps a bit OTT, but...) how dare they springs to my mind. No bloody way are you being unreasonable.

If you don't want to leave her, then don't. It's your decision. I would also take my children with me.

Why does your friend want you to come for three nights?
Is it her hennight too?

I would go we have been to a few weekends away since our daughter was born. Its really nice and you get a nice rest and some chillout time.

I wouldn't. Overnight, maybe. But not so long.

YANBU.

I think the whole child free wedding invite topic may have been raised before on AIBU

It is the bride and grooms perogative to invite who they wish to their wedding. However if they choose to have a child free wedding then they should expect that some of their guests make the decision not to leave their DCs to come.

Therefore it is totally your call what you decide to do. Some people are happy to leave their 18mth old particularly if they have loving relatives who have a close relationship with them ( DS was begging to stay at Granny and Grandads yesterday when we had popped in for a visit ) but if you don't have that luxury or still prefer not to do it then there is nothing wrong with that either.

YANBU. Your child, entirely up to you.

That said, if you have the option of (family) childcare that you and your daughter will be happy with, you may have a fantastic time.

No way I could have left DD2 for that long at 18 months, as she was boob obsessed, but she topped breast feeding at 19 months and at 22 months DH and I went skiing for 4 days leaving DD1 and DD2 with my mum, we had a fabulous time - as did they.

How old is your DD now? If I were you, I would leave comitting to anything until nearer the time and see how you feel. Its impossible to imagine until you see how your daughter is nearer to the time

Oh sorry I misread - I thought you wanted to go.

Well if you don't want to leave her for 3 days then don't - just say its too long.

They want us to go away as a group of friends but want us all to do stuff together in the evening which they feel can't happen if kids are there.

I want to take DD and so does DH but the other parents going seem more chilled out about leaving their kids.

Just feels wrong to be so far away for so long. I have never left her over night as yet.

Up to you - I went away when DD was that age, MIL looked after DD while DH and I went to Rome for the weekend. DD was fine. We went away overnight when DD was 8 months, (not BF) and that was fine too.

Its your choice and depends or who would look after her.

Pp.s thanks for your quick responses

Entirely up to you. If you had someone to leave her with and wanted to go that wouldn't be unreasonable, but also not unreasonable to not want to leave her if you don't feel like it.

You can do it, but it is your choice. She is little for only a short time, so I can understand if you don't want to leave her. On the other hand if you have someone who can look after her and she will be happy, then it could be a nice break for you. Otherwise can you come up with a compromise?

But do what you and DH feel happiest about.

Ive been to lots of weddings and left DCs for 3 nights as we have family in Ireland so we go for the weekend.

I once went when DC3 was 4 months old. My DCs dont mind at all as they get to stay with their Nan.

You need to be happy with it though, otherwise you wont enjoy yourself. If your DD hasn't stayed overnight away from you before, 3 nights may be too long for her/you.

Why dont you ask whoever you would leave her with, if they would take her overnight to see how she is. Compromise with your friend, tell her you are not comfortable leaving DD for 3 nights but maybe 1 night or 2 nights (whatever you decide) would be OK.

Can you go and take dd and get childcare at the hotel for just the wedding? If they are saying she's not allowed near them for 3 days and you cna't bring her to the hotel you need better friends.

I think it depends on how you feel. The first time I left our DD for 2 nights I didnt really relax until about half an hour before we were due to return home... Perhaps you could try one night away sometime soon and see how you feel?

Try not to feel pressured by the fact that other parents are happy to leave their children. Everyone's circumstances and set up are different. I'd have happily had a night without DS at that age, and possibly 2. 3 nights would have been stretching it though; I wouldn't enjoy it. I'd miss him.

DD (my second child, now 2.5) I wouldn't leave at all. I've had 1 night away from her when she was with DH and his mother for added safety.

Wait; I tell a lie. I had 2 nights off from her when she was in hospital and then Husband was with her, and I knew she was being monitored by medical staff. I'd done the first few nights but when she was totally stable I asked DH to take over so I could unwind a bit.

I know it's not rational, but it's my irrational and if people are going to judge me (and they do), so what? I find that easier than not having her at arms length. I'm getting to the point where I'm happier to leave her but I still reserve the right to sob my heart out when she moves out.

Totally up to you.

No waaaaaay would I do this though.

It's not about being unreasonable or not - if you're not happy to do it, then don't. Just tell her it's too long, and you haven't got anyone who can look after DD happily for that long and you don't feel comfortable. It wouldn't be an option for me either.

Its totally up to you whether you go or not, and it sounds like you definitely wouldn't enjoy yourself if you went without DD. However, I think it would be out of order to take DD with you if they have said they would prefer it to be adults only and other people are leaving their children. Sometimes people just do not want children around!

well....this is a difficult one, because of course its totally your decision. If you really feel that you couldnt do it then dont do it. It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks, it's your family.

BUT, on the other hand, if i was getting married, and I really wanted a nice adult break with my closest friends, i would be dissapointed if those friends chose not to come for that reason.

Of course, your children are the most important thing in your life, but close friends are very very important too. I do feel that sometimes people can forget that once they have children.

If you have someone you can trust, who is happy to have DD, I would consider it. You never know, You might have a great time!