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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to whinge and moan, its just NOT FAIR!!!!!!

29 replies

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 22/08/2010 23:22

your all probably fed up of me by now, so i shall just write a long ranty self pitying judgey pants post to make myself feel better.

My dp was made redundant last october, after a few years of pretty unreliable work our fianances were a mess, and we were under a threat of eviction from Housing association, being young and nieve, we believed they actually would evict us unless we paid arrears in full.

we now know theyd accept reliable weekly payments no matter how low.

so we have burned the bridge for ha housing.

we moved to a lovely house rented out by family but it was 100miles away, we thought this was our break, our fresh start.

wrong

a few weeks later my grandma who brought me up was diagnosed with terminal cancer. the medication and general shock has changed her so much its extremely difficult maintaining the relationship ive always had with her and it breaks my heart.

then a few weeks after that my baby brother died.

after staying with my mum a while, my ils decided to sell the house we live in.

i couldnt deal with another pile of shit so packed up mine and the kids clothes and moved into mums. dp has been fantastic and taken over all the other stuff packing and so on.

my lovely mum has squished me dp and the dcs into her wee terrace house with her my step dad, brother and sister.

we have now been house hunting 5mnths, and its a nightmare, so many people wont even let us veiw as dp is unemployed, he is severly dyslexic has a problem with his hips and it goes against him at all job interviews.

When we finally found a lovely house that accepted housing benefit and us, basically, someone else popped up and was a better risk than us.

now due to a farking sickness bug, making my pill useless, there is a chance i could be pregnant, got a faint positive (i will be overjoyed at a bfp, but so disapointed to bring a life into the mess we are in iyswim) im pretty ashamed of myself right now.

i know a fair few single mums, who left school had children and never worked and they seem to have holidays, treats and nice easy lives, but of course i know they are playing the system and there kids dads,

anyway ive found a truly lovely house on rightmove, and i have a feeling it will be anouther, NO HB!

dp is working his arse off job hunting, hes taken any training the job centre offered, and we see less of him now than when hes working.

i just want a home for my family, why will no one give us a chance.

people at housing options even told me being single would give me a home, i cant do that, its wrong.

where can i go for help, i feel like a total failure, fuck up and embarassed of myself,

of course the kids love living at grandmas and are happy as usual.

but i feel so depressed about it all, so much so house hunting upsets me, i find ones we can afford and think, well we wont get it.

so thats me complaining and whining, ignore me and tell me iabu, there are far worse things i could be dealing with yes.

im guessing most of that makes no sense too. i havent slept well for months, as im on the floor.

OP posts:
Fluffypoms · 22/08/2010 23:29

Yanbu.
Estate agents usually have a list of landlords willing to accept tenants on hb.
this is how a friend of mine was housed after loosing her temp accomidation.

also do you have a housing officer?

Original poster
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 22/08/2010 23:31

whats a housing officer fluffy??

we ask every estate agents if they have any accepting hb and most reply, if they get desperate.

only one is helpfull and they have NO lets atm!!!!

i need some chocolate.

OP posts:
terryble · 22/08/2010 23:33

I've been told before that councils keep lists of landlords who accept HB.

Fluffypoms · 22/08/2010 23:35

are you registerd as homeless? ifso you should be entilted to a housing officer.

they will help with finding you a place.
and know all loopholes ect..

but the single parent bit isnt always the case as myself and 4 dc where placed in a hostel for 5 yrs.

Original poster
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 22/08/2010 23:38

we went to a 'housing options' open morning.

since the house isnt sold yet, papers are being signed atm. we cant be classed as homeless, and they said as long as my mum will take us in we still arent.

thing is when the house completes, all of our stuff is homeless, iyswim, my mum can accomadate us at a push and our clothes are in cases in my car, we cant afford storage we have been trying to find some for as long as ils put house on the market, as they have helped themselves to things and we had some garden bits stolen.

i tried cab but they said to ring council, council said they cant help due to arrears,

am i being a pushover, should i nag?? i dont know, im 21 and really have no idea what im doing. ive failed badly.

OP posts:
Valpollicella · 22/08/2010 23:40

Jj, it sounds like you have had the worst load of shite that life could have dealt at you in the last few months. So sorry to hear about your brother Sad

Do you have a good friend who you could enlist t help you deal with speaking to the council/HA/etc on your behalf?

You do seem to havhe a lot going on and sometimes it can be so hard just to make the necessary calls...If someone else could do them for you would that help?

I'm pretty sure you'd be classed as overcrowded at your mums. So you should qualify for a council place?

Re HB lets, can you look on Gumtree or similar?

Fluffypoms · 22/08/2010 23:45

dont be silly you havent failed at all.

yes nag and nag some more.
your local mp should hold evenings locally where you can meet them and get some help on the housing front.

or the dc health visitor may also be able to help (writing letters ect)

I have been there so i know how shit it is you fell like you will never have a place to call your own..

but you will.

can i ask where your located? different areas have different criteria for priority

Original poster
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 22/08/2010 23:48

We only have two good friends, and tbh they are a bit judgey, i dont think i could admit the extent of our difficulties, and the state of our finances to them, my mums fantastic and will help me above and beyond but i cant ask her right now, it seems wrong.

i havent tried gumtree im going to now.

we are over crowded at mums, 8 of us in a 3bedroom.

but we have over a thousand in arrears to the local housing association and have had to put a freeze on repayments they know this it was discussed not us just stopping, so they wont touch us.

oh and to top it off farking tax credits have messed up my claim so it will be 6-8weeks without any money.

FML Sad

OP posts:
Fluffypoms · 22/08/2010 23:49

overcrowding is just tuff shit to decision makers tbh.

we were over crowded in 1 room living/sleeping. but it never helped to moves us further forwards Hmm

Original poster
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 22/08/2010 23:49

im in suffolk, east anglia.

its a ridiculously expensive place to live but its home, we are looking outside our home town.

thanks for the help fluffy.

OP posts:
Fluffypoms · 22/08/2010 23:55

may not be an option to you but my friend also had arrears, she paid them off with a budgeting loan.

so she was clear for hb. and paid the loan back at £5 a wk from benefits?

Original poster
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 23/08/2010 00:07

dp started a new claim when we moved the ils house, as he was promised work, that never happened. we have to be claiming for 26wks to get a budgeting loan so we have a few more weeks to go, but ill ask dp exactly how long until we can do that.

another thing is we owe ils money for rent too as they kindly increased the amount as soon as we moved and hes so concerned by them he wont think about anything else, despite the fact they dont give two shits and havent even said anything or attempted to contact us in months since they put it up for sale.

i feel like hed rather sort out the money for them than house his family

OP posts:
Fluffypoms · 23/08/2010 00:13

have you tried a community care grant dont take my word but im pretty sure there isnt a time limit for that. think in some circumstances you can claim without recieving benefits? worth a try.

has dp tried some agencys? even if they just have him in their contacts for when something suitible comes up.

Original poster
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 23/08/2010 00:17

hes on alot of agnecys books, been offered the odd days work here and there, done which bits he can without affecting the benefits as we really cant stop the claim for one week of work, wed end up worse off waiting for the jc to sort things out again, we have had some bad experiences with them.

fluffy i really appreciate the help, im googling and gumtree-ing as we speak.

im sure you have far more important things to do than to listen to a whingey person at this time of night

OP posts:
Fluffypoms · 23/08/2010 00:17

oh and maybe check again about your mum taking you in..

if she is willing to say it isnt ideal
ect (which it isnt given what you and your mum have been through recently)
you can be classed as "homeless at home".

Original poster
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 23/08/2010 00:19

shed do that, she wouldnt like it but she would.

its not awful, we are happy all being together but my sister is 5 and sharing with my 1yr old who doesnt let her sleep much, my brother is 2 and sharing with my ds who is 3 in a tiny room that has a cot and a ready bed jammed in there.

OP posts:
Fluffypoms · 23/08/2010 00:20

i dont mind as i said been there and know how rubbish it is Sad

Original poster
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 23/08/2010 00:31

i feel really stupid whining about it.

i know it could be worse.

my dcs are so happy, they love living with grandma, and i enjoy the company, i was pretty lonely when we lived 'alone' so to speak. its ridiculous, they are so settled and content and behaving better than ever, and im miserable.

i really wanted to have my home again by my birthday, that was the invisible time scale id set myself, i have 3weeks. now im aiming for christmas.

my little boy had his birthday here in july, i sat and sobbed while he opened presents, a year ago, things were so different. dp had what finally seemed like a good job we were clearing our debts and wed just got our first car, now all we have is the car, and its not even the same one the 1st one nearly killed us.

OP posts:
messytessy · 23/08/2010 00:37

I have been in your boat and it's harsh but there's always someone worse off than you and sometimes remembering this ghelps me. You have your mum and this gives you some breathing space to find a home - which you will. Keep looking - you only need one lucky break and you will have a home. I found a landlord willing to take a chance on me 6 years ago and then again 2 years ago - it can happen.

Original poster
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 23/08/2010 00:41

thanks messy, it really helps knowing that it can happen.

ive been fine for weeks and then someone i know got a 3 bedroom house id been desperatly trying to get, shes single, but works, so has it all to herself and its just pushed me over the edge into serious whinging.

i need a slap and a reality check, none of this is as bad as loosing my brother, im grateful everyday my dcs are here, it could have so easily been ds.

OP posts:
messytessy · 23/08/2010 00:48

sometimes one bad thing seems to happen after another. it's understandable that you feel low. it's a long shot but is there anyone willing to be your guarantor?

Original poster
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 23/08/2010 00:59

i have family who would but so far not one estate agent will do that we mention housing benefit and thats the end of any conversation!

OP posts:
tortoiseonthehalfshell · 23/08/2010 01:04

Jj, this sounds really awful, you poor thing. I'm so sorry for your loss of your brother. You've done well to keep going this long, and be able to see the positives.

I might be missing something, but if your partner finds it hard to get work because he's dyslexic and has physical trouble, are you looking for work? I can't see anywhere in your posts that you've considered that as an option, and I don't understand why?

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/08/2010 01:18

Jj take a look at a site called HBaccepted. they have a list of agencies who accept hb tenants.

ChippingIn · 23/08/2010 09:55

JJ- how are you this morning?

I wonder if it would help if you got a 'letter' from your Mum saying that as of this date she can no longer put you up and that you will have to move out whether you have a place or not... etc etc

I wonder if it would put you into the homeless category and help you get something sorted?

(I know she'd find it hard to do, but so long as you both know she doesn't mean it, it's only words isn't it.)

Your PILs are really, really supportive aren't they :( Has it had an impact on them you not paying the rent or can they afford for you not to have?? As for his family just taking stuff - I'm still gobsmacked about that!!

Did you and DP get your 'talk' last Friday night??