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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to expect my neighbours to show a bit of consideration on a Sunday?

46 replies

Peculiarjulia · 22/08/2010 21:10

DH and our two DS, aged 4.8 and 1.8, have lived in our house for almost three years. For the first year and a half we had no visitors as we had lots of work done to the house and it was a mess. Both our boys have birthdays in December and as they are both still quite young if we have parties for them they've been on a Saturday afternoon for family and a few friends. Last summer we decided to have a "half year" birthday on a Saturday afternoon for them and had a bbq for friends and family with a bouncy castle. This year we did the same as it coincided with an England World Cup game.

Now I thought we got on with our neighbours. They are a married couple around the same age as us with a DD aged 8. The fence between our back gardens is trellis (put up by previous owners) and previously we have chatted through the fence and the kids have played together throwing balls over etc. We have also had their DD over to play when we've had the bouncy castle.

Today from about 11am they have had visitors over which tonight has turned into a party with 30 - 40 people in the garden. Music has been blaring out all day, they have been singing and dancing since about 5pm and they have kids of all ages running up and down the garden shouting and screaming. My DS were playing out in our garden this afternoon and were playing nicely with the kids throwing the balls over but were being gawped at by the adults out there as if thejy shouldn't be out there. DH and I were also out there pottering about and playing with the boys and we got the same looks. All of our neighbours were out that and none of them spoke to us or the boys.

AIBU to expect that they should show us consideration by not having a huge party on a Sunday and/or letting us know they were having it so we could either go out etc??

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 22/08/2010 21:12

If this is the only big party they have had in 3 years then I struggle to see what you find objectionable.

juicy12 · 22/08/2010 21:14

Hmmm. We've had a party here today (although of course we're terribly considerate neighbours Smile but we were all done by 7.30. As long as it isn't a regular occurence, I think it's just one of those things. However, I'd probably be peeved if it went on past 10/1030 on a Sunday night.

purplehonesty · 22/08/2010 21:16

YABU really to be offended if they dont so this very often, but if it was me having the party I probably would have told you about it or invited you. Is it still going on?

lorelilee · 22/08/2010 21:16

YAB a bit U. They should have let you know about the party, that's just manners. However, everyone is entitled to a party every once in a while and, in my experience, it's usually the Sunday ones that end up being maddest - thing it's something to do with it being a wee bit naughty as most of us have work the next day.

As long as it doesn't turn in to a weekly event - YABU.

alicet · 22/08/2010 21:19

Sorry I'm with others that YABU. Having a party like this once in 3 years is definately no big deal. If it goes on past 11 that is another matter but otherwise YABU I'm afraid. I fail to see the difference between this and your ds half year parties which makes you doubly unreasonable.

And if you are miffed they didn't tell you so you could go out, well surely you could have gone out once it became apparent they were having a party? Tbh I wouldn't tell my neighbours about anything during the day like this - just if it was something likely to go on late.

Hope it quietens down soon...

Original poster
Peculiarjulia · 22/08/2010 21:20

Sorry I should have explained that they have bbqs in the summer, usually on Saturdays and this is the third or fourth this year, that always go on until late and usually end with the stereo being taken into their front room and end with goodbyes and the slamming of car doors at 12am. I got distracted from adding this to my super long post as a kid has just called to me through my kitchen window to as me to throw their ball back. A ball BTW that DS lent them earlier

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 22/08/2010 21:23

Sounds like you're pissed off they didn't invite you.

The weather was crap yesterday - perhaps they had to postpone a Saturday plan.

lorelilee · 22/08/2010 21:24

tbh, you just sound miffed that you weren't invited!

expatinscotland · 22/08/2010 21:25

I hate hearing other peoples' fucking music. EVER. So I'm the wrong person to ask.

We're looking to move again.

To the absolute sticks where I won't be bothered by hearing someone else's fucking music again in my entire life till I die.

:o

YANBU.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 22/08/2010 21:40

expat.

can i come live there to, it sounds perfect.

yanbu.

i HATE it when neighbours make you feel uncomfortable in your own garden, and dont get me started on music.

AlisonDubois · 22/08/2010 21:40

Either put up a very high fence...trellis is not really a good idea TBH...then you can both do your own thing without eyeballing each other.
I have to say, I could not stand it if my neighbours coul see me in my garden...you need privacy.

expatinscotland · 22/08/2010 21:43

it seems to be a common theme in the UK, because people are allowed to get away with and in general be inconsiderate fuckwits as they like.

we'll pay dearly to live out in the middle of nowhere, because in such places you must have two working cars, petrol/diesel is a signficant cost and, because services like telephone/net and utilities are limited, you often have to use more expensive providers. if, for example, you are on oil-fired heating or LPG, you can't just shop round for cheap rates.

additionally, your employment is limited and your travel costs high.

time, too.

but the older i get, the more i'm willing to pay any price just not to hear anyone else's fucking unnecessary noise.

i don't make it. ever and don't see why i should have to put up with it in return.

diski · 22/08/2010 22:31

my luvly neighbours decided on a kareoke 2nite, started bout 8pm, my dd,age 7 was just getting into bed! bless her she sat in bed reading her book wearing her ear muffs whilst we had to put up with a terrible rendition of tainted love! dh then decided to applaude & whoop loudly when then finished asking for more! didn't put em off. Wouldnt mind but when their boys were young, & even now, we make sure that we dont make too much noise after 8. they have eventually stopped but can still hear lots of noisy chat. have had to recently report the father to rspca coz caught him throwing stones at my 6 mth old kitten & a recent party in the garden on a fri night with bout 50 teenagers drinking, bad language etc so, overall, v upset. spoke to their landlord, he dnt care tho. wot can i do? Confused

sheenbeen · 22/08/2010 22:31

This is why I love living in the middle of nowhere!!

Although I'm wondering where expat is looking as I'm in rural west scotland I don't pay through the nose for any of that stuff

expatinscotland · 22/08/2010 22:38

you don't pay through the nose, sheen,if you have no landline you'll have to pay BT for it and they are not cheap.

and we had LPG in our last house - you can't really switch providers easily on that, especially if you rent and your landlord rents the tank, too.

and honestly, petrol and diesel is cheaper in cities, and you need more of it than in a city.

you need either a very reliable car or two cars. that's not an insignificant expense and certainly a lot dearer than the £40/month i spent on a Lothian bus pass that means i could ride any bus anytime except nightbus, for which i paid £1.

other issues are: no shops, so you'll need to buy a lot online. most of the time, you can get out of paying postage. but occassionally someone tries to burn me for 'highland surcharge'.

i suspect if royal mail is ore privitised, this might become more of an issue.

katiestar · 22/08/2010 22:40

You posted this at 9.30pm!!!
So yes YABVVU to object to them having one party in 3 yrs that goes on til (gasp) 9.30pm and shock horror,looking at you over the fence!

expatinscotland · 22/08/2010 22:42

i guess people really do find it acceptable to blast music on sunday nights.

ffs.

diski · 22/08/2010 22:44

wud love to move, sounds idillic but dh woz made redundant last yr so moving is out of question for a few yrs yet.

expatinscotland · 22/08/2010 22:45

diski, you just need to find a landlord who will take HB. some councils have a list of some who will.

go and see them tomorrow.

explain what's happening.

that's bogus!

diski · 22/08/2010 22:53

no, sorry, i dnt have a landlord, we own our hse, the neighbours is a private rented house & have spoken to that landlord bout them. he says he has spoken to em but we cant be sure. If he has they've taken no notice!! They just show no respect & believe it or not are very religious,jehovah's witness's. I thought they were supposed to be a caring, thoughtful group of people. Sure most of them are & I fully respect eveyone choices but my neighbours only care about themselves.

onagar · 22/08/2010 23:06

YABU. If you want never to be disturbed at all by neighbours then buy a really big estate in the country. Otherwise you have to accept that sometimes you disturb others and sometimes they disturb you.

cat64 · 22/08/2010 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

diski · 22/08/2010 23:09

this kareoke only just finished!!!!

ivykaty44 · 22/08/2010 23:12

we had a party last sunday that went from 1pm till 11pm as it was my dd1's 18th

there was about 40 people that came and a buffett, later when the family had mostly gone dd1's firnds did singstar and they where awful.

My neighbour one side - not attached knew we where having a do and had been invited - but she had family staying.

the other side is rented and they have moved out and noone moved in - so no bother that sideSmile

I have only ever had one other party and that was for all the neighbours and I got them pissed merry and they all burnt their sunday dinners Grin But I do know most people in the street up by me Smile

Original poster
Peculiarjulia · 22/08/2010 23:20

Well it's now 10.55pm by my clock and I am still listening to their music, singing, running up and down the stairs etc. DH has gone upstairs to bed where he found DS1 soundo in our room . When he woke him up to move him DS1 said it was "too noisy" in his room (which is at the back of the house).

I can honestly say i'm not in the slightest bit miffed about not being invited as we are neighbours and not friends and I'm not bothered about people looking at me over the fence as our garden is overlooked from both sides and the back. It's just the lack of consideration. It's fair enough that they should be able to do what they like in their own property and that they don't do this every weekend. I suppose what I'm saying is that AIBU to expect them to show us the same consideration we show them. They know we have young children and both have to get up for work tomorrow. Our parties rarely go on past 10pm and if they do we go inside and the music gets turned down as their DD sleeps out the back and if they are in their garden whilst we have people round we either invite them over or apologise in advance for any noise.

OP posts: