...to expect my neighbours to show a bit of consideration on a Sunday?

[Peculiarjulia]

DH and our two DS, aged 4.8 and 1.8, have lived in our house for almost three years. For the first year and a half we had no visitors as we had lots of work done to the house and it was a mess. Both our boys have birthdays in December and as they are both still quite young if we have parties for them they've been on a Saturday afternoon for family and a few friends. Last summer we decided to have a "half year" birthday on a Saturday afternoon for them and had a bbq for friends and family with a bouncy castle. This year we did the same as it coincided with an England World Cup game.

Now I thought we got on with our neighbours. They are a married couple around the same age as us with a DD aged 8. The fence between our back gardens is trellis (put up by previous owners) and previously we have chatted through the fence and the kids have played together throwing balls over etc. We have also had their DD over to play when we've had the bouncy castle.

Today from about 11am they have had visitors over which tonight has turned into a party with 30 - 40 people in the garden. Music has been blaring out all day, they have been singing and dancing since about 5pm and they have kids of all ages running up and down the garden shouting and screaming. My DS were playing out in our garden this afternoon and were playing nicely with the kids throwing the balls over but were being gawped at by the adults out there as if thejy shouldn't be out there. DH and I were also out there pottering about and playing with the boys and we got the same looks. All of our neighbours were out that and none of them spoke to us or the boys.

AIBU to expect that they should show us consideration by not having a huge party on a Sunday and/or letting us know they were having it so we could either go out etc??

I'm with you, they are showing you & yours no consideration or respect. Sounds like we have same probs. My neighbours av gone quiet now, poor you....lets hope it ends soon.

YANBU.

It was Sunday night, FFS.

People have to go to work.

But again, people in the UK seem to find it acceptable to just do whatever you like despite sharing walls with plenty of people.

YANBU, but then I get very annoyed by neighbour noise as well. I just think that as most of us in urban/suburban residential areas are crammed in so close together, whether it's flats or terraces/semis with adjoining gardens, the only way to make that sort of community work is for people to have a bit of consideration for those around them. And that means sometimes not being completely selfish and turning down the music or using headphones, making sure your parties don't go on too late or ruin the entire day for your neighbours, not fucking shouting all the time when you could just talk, not having bare wooden floorboards in an upstairs flat etc etc.

It just doesn't seem to occur to many people that they should moderate their behaviour, instead of just doing whatever they feel like without a thought for anyone else, I honestly think some of them would struggle to understand the concept.

I'd love to move to a remote house in the country too, I imagine mine being on a little Scottish island or something. If only I didn't have to go to work...

So they've lived next door to your building works for a year and a half, and at least two parties with children and bouncy castles and world cup football.
They have regular BBQs that finish around midnight, have you complained before?
TBH, you sound very similar to me. I'd hate to live next door to either of you.

YABU a bit and this is comng from me, the person that loathes other people's noise I could forgive an occasional party, I'm not a stick in the mud. If it were going on until the wee small hours I would be a bit

FWIW we are planning a hallowe'en party this year and we will be having loudish music. But I will push notes through doors of neighbours well in advance to warn them/invite them for a drink. Luckily, we are the only people on our street with young DCs so they can either come and join in the jollities or go out!

Why not just have a party in a hall or not at all?

Putting notes through peoples' doors, 'I'm going to be blasting music as long as I like on this night, so put that in your pipe and smoke it' is no more consolation, IMO.

It's like saying, 'Well, put up or get out (of your own home).'

YANBU to think that they should show more consideration and tone down the noise late at night when you have small children and need to be in work the next morning.

But YABU to complain about the stuff you actually complained about in your OP.

Generally I'd rather live next to someone who had three or four weekend barbecues/parties over the course of the summer than next to someone who had 18 months of building work going on, though.

Building work rarey goes on into the late evening and night, though.

Yes, but I'd find (and have found, having lived next door to both) daily disturbance during normal working hours more annoying than occasional disturbance in the late evening. Others will have different views.

And I'd still like to know what previous neighbours were doing to their walls that involved that much drilling and hammering for a month.

The music will be turned way down at midnight, at my party.

The way I see it is this; I make minimum noise throughout the year. Honestly. The loudest things I do are vacuuming and listening to the radio at volume level 4. My neighbours aren't as considerate. No problem; we live in Victorian terraces. If I wanted tranquility, I should have moved to a detached house in the country. I don't think that having one party in a year, where everyone will be inside and the music will be turned down at midnight is taking the piss. Similarly, I wouldn't care if my neighbours had a party and gave me advanced warning that the noise levels might be excessive for a few hours. That is reasonable, IMO.

Fair enough, cupcakes! You're not the sort who'd be doing karoke or having a rave at 4AM during the week.

Definitely prefer getting even deeper into the country, me.

I know it's not for everyone, and people will say, 'Oh, your kids will hate it.' Well, then they can move out when they're 16 and get a job, because there's no way I'd live in a busy, noisy city again.

YANBU, it's Sunday, they know you have young dcs and they perhaps could have warned you. I think some of us are more sensitive than others to noise etc, and it's no problem for some. I'm sadly in the sensitive camp and it's a right pain!

It is frustrating listening to other people's music, but I also think you have to allow people to have some fun in their own home, as long as it isn't too often. I don't suppose your neighbours have thought about what you are doing to be considerate. You cannot really expect people to behave in exactly the same way as you. People just don't work in that way.

We lived next to a crack addict for a while, she used to fight all the time with her boyfriend. Having people screaming torrents of abuse at each other at 1AM was probably worse I think - once DH called the police and automatically said our house number, so we called the police on ourselves .

I feel for you but think you need to deal with it; perhaps though you can ask them to 'limit' their Sunday parties and let you know IF they are planning something similar in future.

YABU.

My neighbour complained on Saturday night. We (well, DH and his friends ) were playing horrible loud music in the garden at 2am. That was unreasonable, and I don't blame the neighbour for being pissed off (didn't need to be aggressive, but there you go...). However, if it finishes before midnight I think you are being totally unreasonable and frankly dull.

Are people not allowed friends now? Go and live in the middle of no-where. Life is for living. Live and let live.

Since when does having friends need to be equal to blasting loud music at 2AM?

A lot of the problem is that people here can't handle drink. It just makes them go ghetto.

"It just makes them go ghetto."

Arf!

No, you're right, there should be no music blasted at 2am. Having friends in the garden until 9.30 though is perfectly reasonable, and anyone who objects to that on any day of the week needs to sort out their own social life.

9.30PM reasonable enough. Midnight on a Sunday, not. Being woken by thumping bass at 1.30AM on a Tuesday morning certainly pissed me off.

I have no sympathy with neighbours from hell anymore, tbh.

"ex neighbours who played 'shoot em up' games"

My old neighbours did that!

He did other stuff too. Like blaring out Metallica and eleven o' clock on a wednesday night when I was already cranky from having an infected/impacted wisdom tooth. I must have been a frightening sight, hammering on his door, mouth stuffed full of cotton wool, sleep-deprived/bloodshot eyes, in pyjamas with hair like Beetlejuice, demanding that he turned it fucking down before I smashed his door off the hinges.

He was a prick though. He got worse when he knocked a motorcyclist off his bike after drink-driving his way home and he lost his job. Which meant he was a noisy twat during the day too. Got the champers out the day he moved

So they finished at 11pm0-I think that's fair enough