To hate when a mother gets called precious/too precious/PFB etc?

[Pioneer]

Might get some as not sure if this has been done, but I just don't like these phrases.

But I do think that people sometimes need to be given a gentle reality check. There have been threads on here abut people wanting to give their nanny a formal warning because she gave their chid M and S Tortollini for tea instead of maing a pasta sauce for him. Others who won't have hand me downs, because "only the best" is good enough for their child and lots like that. If people post asking for thoughts like these to be validated, it's not doing anyone any favours if lots of postes go along with them, is it?

I think your post is a little bit contradictory theyoungvisitor.

"Having said that I organised my whole wedding around the nap time of my PFB, but that was because it was our day and I didn't want to have to deal with a horribly overtired toddler when I couldn't just knock off early and go back to the hotel"

But when you were on holiday, it was your friends' holiday too. So they had every right to be able to try to enjoy themselves and not have to deal with a horribly overtired toddler on that occasion.

However I do agree that they should not have requested that all activities were arranged around them -if they couldn't make a certain time because of naps etc, then they should have accepted that.

No Pioneer I had no objection to them organising their time around their baby - we did the same.

But we had one or two things that we had agreed to do as a group (a big meal) and they refused to have any discussion over times, and just said "it has to be at x" ignoring the fact that for the rest of the group it would have been better at another time.

We could of course have ganged up as a group and said "fine, well we're going later, you can't come" but that felt mean so we fell in with their preferences - but there were a lot of wry looks.

Anyway I don't mean to start a whole tirade based on this one experience! But it's just an example of a family not seeing the oddity in expecting a whole group of children and babies to fall in with their particular routine.

I do agree with you theyoungvisitor - very unfair of them to demand it had to be at a certain time.

TBH I think I would have gone with the majority if I were you! I think sometimes people who make unreasonable demands do so because they have never been told it is unacceptable.

I still wouldn't have said that they were being precious though. Just inconsiderate to others.

I think everyone has the right to be as precious as they want, I have been precious in different ways with each of mine but some people are pfb but it doesn't have to be an insult, my step mum is so precious about my half sister and we remind her frequently but in a very affectionate way. I don't think it should be a term used to lord it over someone, or that someone is automatically superior because they have more than one child

Oh seeker I remember that pastagate thread.

Good lord I thought that was a made up example!

Ahhh it was the CM

at "What about them? He's never had baked beans, if that's what you mean, and I woudldn't dream of giving him sausages."

I still wouldn't use the word precious though. Maybe deranged

It is too overused and just get used as a blanket term for those that are thought to be unreasonable IMO.

I think pfb is hilarious! I'd never heard the term until coming on here. And I have certainly had my own episodes pfb-doom.

If we can't laugh at ourselves, what can we laugh at?

But 5DollarShake, my point is that it is not always used in good humour.

It is often used insultingly:

OP: AIBU to take my 8 week old to the GP as she won't stop crying and I am worried there might be something wrong?

Poster: Talk about PFB, get a grip, that's what babies do!

It's things like this that wind me up.

I think also some people don't realize that in this context, "precious" doesn't mean dearest, most loved, most valuable, it means over meticulous, fussy.

Sorry that was a rather silly extreme example .

But to a lesser extent I have seen it used on here in a very similar way and it does wind me up.

Pastagate - agreed, is ridiculous though. Does anyone know how that ended as I do not have time to wade through the 41 pages....

Pioneer - I've never seen it used like that. I still wouldn't write off the phrase, which has a light-hearted, put-it-in-perspective gist to it, just because some people choose to use it incorrectly. :)

I think it's imperative that parents can laugh at themselves, and that others who are behaving in an unessarily cautious manner are given a gentle nudge...which is what being called PFB is.

We're bringing up our children to be members of our families and communities, no?
How can we do that, if the world revolves around them?

I have seen it used in that way on quite a few occasions, which is probably why I object to it.

I have also seen it used defensively by people. I'm trying to think how to word this so it doesn't sound judgy because that isnt how its meant.

As parents we all know we are never able to be perfect, so we make decisions along the way as to what things we are going to prioritise as family standards and what things we are going to be more relaxed about. For example whether to only feed organic food to weaning baby, whether to allow baby to watch TV, whether to not allow child/baby to have chocolate etc etc. But sometimes you find that when other people find out your priorities, if they don't match theirs, they accuse you of being PFB.

A good example is that I personally do not let my DD (6months) wach TV & I don't turn TV on if she is awake. I'm not bonkers about this, at my parents' house the TV is sometimes on and I don't make a fuss but my preference is that she doesn't watch TV. My choice.

My friend lets her baby (same age) watch TV quite regularly, it helps her pass the time of day to have the TV on and her DD sometimes watches football with daddy. "So what" I say. Her choice. But my friend got very defensive with me and said I was 'precious' when it came up in conversation that I don't choose for my DD to watch TV.

On the other hand, this same friend is a great cook. She makes everything from scratch with natural organic products (bread/yoghurt/homous etc) for her DD. I don't do this, partly because I can't and partly because for me it isn't a priority. But I don't think she is being PFB, she is just making a decision as to where her priorities lie for her DD.

I think as more children arrive to juggle, people have to change their priorities. I'm sure when I have another baby, I will find it much more difficult not to use the TV as a babysitter for DD when I'm dealing with a second child. But that doesn't mean I'm being PFB at the moment because I have the luxury of only one child to consider.

I think this is what I find irritating about this comment. Sometimes if does feel like a defensive reaction, as if people percieve by making a particular choice regarding how you raise your child, is a personal attack on others who have made different choices. When really, it is nothing to do with them at all.

What Southwestwhippet said .

I am terrible with words, but those are my exact thoughts too!