To hate when a mother gets called precious/too precious/PFB etc?

[Pioneer]

Might get some as not sure if this has been done, but I just don't like these phrases.

I just think that the term "precious" is widely overused.

I was once told I was too precious because I refuse to smack my son.

Personally I don't think this is being precious, it is just my choice not to do so.

The same way that if someone decides that they want to cuddle their baby to sleep or give them a dummy, it is their choice to do so, and I don't think they should be labelled precious because of it.

I really dislike the way this term is used, particularly on here as a sort of dismissive smug one-upmanship game. I find it really offensive actually as it is just another way to criticise different parenting methods, but one that has somehow developed a level of acceptability and is no longer seen as the bitchy, superior, judgy behaviour it really is.

South - I really think you are reading way too much into this!

LOL undacova. My DS is 5 and had a year of organic quinoa, no wheat, no cow's milk and no chocolate. He now climbs up and helps himself to any cake or sweet things he can find lurking in the cupboards and shoves into his mouth as quickly as he can.

sometimes some mothers DO need to be gently told that they are going over the top in the opinion of most other mothers.. it's hard to keep perspective sometimes with your precious child.. but generally i think it's normally used to tell a mother to stop being so hard on herself and to ease up with the unrealistic standards.

Fluffles you go right ahead and gently tell them. I'll just stay here behind this wall.

Maybe, but I got called 'precious' by my GP the other day... DD has developed excema since I started weaning her.

Given that the cause of his comment was that I had temporarily cut food allergy triggers out of her diet (dairy, citrus, wheat, eggs)... and 5mins later he told me to cut these foods out of her diet anyway, I am rather sensitive to the word at the moment.

I feel he was responding to my level of concern regarding DD's excema (and yes, I was very worried as my brother was on the verge of total allergy syndrome at the age of 4 so I know how bad it can get in my family) he was then dismissing me as a precious over-reacting new mum... even though I was actually doing all the correct things.

Well, if they are being precious, then it seems fair to say it...

Yes quite, if a depressed person is being a bit of a drag it seems fair to tell them to 'cheer up and stop moping around'.

Southwest what a daft GP. Foot in mouth disease has obviously struck your surgery.
You do feel like telling them where to stick their comments sometimes.
Re the being 'precious', there is a kind of amplified sense of danger, which drives new mothers, combined with crazy hormones. As long as it keeps the baby safe I would leave well alone, most people come out of the other end perfectly sane(well... ish).

Depends what the op says, sometimes they are so cotton woolling, so over protective that they bring it on themselves.

People I consider to be precious are ones who don't let their children play with other childrens toys In Case There Are Germs ; ones who won't accept second hand things because they Don't Know Exactly Where They've Been ; the ones who will only buy organic super-special foods and judge those who don't; the ones who shriek if their child so much as reaches for something outside...

Ugh, you get my point. They are precious. And deserve to be judged told so

I agree with some of these scenarios, such as not playing with other childrens toys - I have a friend who took her DS to playgroup and then immediately squirted half a bottle of antbac hand gel on him on the way out.....

Now to me, I did find that a bit OTT, but I would never turn round to her and say "Oh you're way too precious!"

Even if she came on here asking for an opinion, I would find a way to explain that maybe it's not such a bad thing if he picked up a few germs, etc.

Sometimes I find responses like "OP needs to get a grip, way too PFB!" really offensive, and it makes me feel sorry for the poor woman who just wanted a bit of friendly advice.

But some people are so PFB it is the only phrase that sums it up.

I speak as someone who has many PFB memories

Well I don't like the way it's used as a put down, and i have never said it myself (either in RL or on here) except about myself

But there is often a serious point behind it which is that for some people their child becomes a kind of megalomaniacal obsession, totally over-riding any consideration for other adults or children.

For eg I think we've probably all been on holiday with a family who insist that all activities are done at the times that suit their baby's nap time, completely uninterested in the fact that the other families have children and babies too who also need to eat, sleep and play.

Or the parents who sit and watch their child bashing yours over the head with a fire-engine, and then intervene indignantly when you gently remove the toy.

Your child is in some ways an extension of you and it's important to have perspective and consideration about their needs, just as you would about your own..

Of course your child is the most precious thing in the world to you (be it first, last or middle born!)

But I think the overwhelming shock of having a baby can cause some parents to leave their manners and sanity at the door of the hospital - temporarily at least - and it's deeply irritating when you're on the receiving end.

Yes but as some other posters have said, it is quite patronising and offensive.

I also think it is often used in the wrong context too.

There are a lot of inexperienced mothers who come onto mn for genuine advice and help, sometimes because their child has a health issue, and I find it worrying that they are being accused of being"PFB".

But it is not just aout different parenting methods its about telling someone they have got to the stage in their parenting when they are actually probably doing more damage than good.

I do think that germ obsession etc can be a symptom of deeper anxiety.

But on the other hand, people do need to know when their behaviour is straying out of the normal. Many people think it's perfectly normal to wipe down every inch of the house with antibac and sterilise their child's toys. And adverts and product manufacturers play into that because it suits their agenda (has anyone seen that stupid "FACT - your soap pump handle can harbour hundreds of germs" advert? Boak)

Sometimes people NEED to know that it's ok to let their child's toy fall on the floor, and that you don't have to sterilise every single spoon and bowl your child comes into contact with for 18 months.

But calling them PFB is not the kindest or nicest way to reassure them.

and meant to say to the baby or themselves (ie causing themselves stress when it is needless)

Come on Pioneer, spill, who has been upsetting you with PFB comments?

I think other the problem is PFB has so many meanings and is used in so many different ways.

Sometimes it's an affectionate "god what was I thinking " poke of fun at yourself.

Sometimes it's a "honestly, chill, it's understandable you feel like this but please don't worry" comment

Sometimes it's a frankly irritated "God, get over yourself, you and your child are not the only people on this earth deserving of consideration".

I think often the comment isn't meant cruelly, but more in the "don't worry - chill out and it will all be ok" way - however understandably people read it more as the "get over yourself" way.

Agree with your points theyoungvisitor.

However, when my ds was a baby, the only way I could function with him was to have a routine. I carried this out at home, as well as being on holiday with family members. However I never expected family members to wait for me, or to arrange activities around my baby's nap times. So would I be described as being precious? Because I would be acting towards my child in the exact same way as you describe above.

I wouldn't say that the family you were on holiday with were precious, maybe inconsiderate or selfish, but not precious, because many children need to stick to a routine.

This is what I mean about it being used in the wrong context.

Not me Gibbon . I'm the least "precious" one out there - I have frequently found my ds cleaning his teeth with the toilet brush!

It was on another thread last night - I won't name names though.

I just find it insulting, especially when used wrongly IMO.

I don't know - is it better to say that someone is rude or selfish?! I think it's worse!

Essentially it felt like they were saying their baby was so precious and fragile and important that his routine couldn't be disrupted, whereas all the other babies were just little toughies who would have to lump it.

I didn't say anything (of course!) and I did appreciate that they may have had other issues going on - but that's what I felt. And I did think that they could have taken a step back and gone "hmm... let's see... all these other babies survive a late nap, gosh do you think maybe mine could too?"

Having said that I organised my whole wedding around the nap time of my PFB, but that was because it was our day and I didn't want to have to deal with a horribly overtired toddler when I couldn't just knock off early and go back to the hotel

Agree that some use it in a smug and scathing way. Usually to make themselves feel superior.