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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

honest opinions ladies!!!!

29 replies

booyhoo · 21/08/2010 23:42

would this piss you off or am i being a tube?

best friend and i are in contact sporadically. however she has been in touch a lot lately since I've been dealing with the whole getting rid of EXp thing. she was the one he nearly set alight at the BBQ last sat and she knew that i was telling him to leave the next day. her husband went golfing with exp on tuesday so i am in no doubt that she knows i did ask him to leave and that we are now separated. but she hasn't texted or rang to see if i am alright or if i want to talk. we really only have each other to talk to, although she has her husband so she knows i haven't got a shoulder to cry on so to speak. i am feeling increasingly more upset about it. i know if she left her husband i would be straight round there and i have two dcs to think about, she has none.

would you be annoyed?

OP posts:
JaxTellersOldLady · 21/08/2010 23:46

why not just ring her? not now, it is late, but tomorrow. Invite her round for coffee or whatever you usually do.

Vallhala · 21/08/2010 23:47

You're not being a tube, but pick the bloody phone up woman! :o Invite your friend for lunch/a noght out. She may be feeling awkward, especially as her DH and your ex are pals.

MiladyDeSummer · 21/08/2010 23:48

I would ditch anyone who doesn't make you happy if you have children to think of.

I have very few friends.

And DH is all too aware of my philosophy Grin

Life is too short to populate it with fuckwits.

Vallhala · 21/08/2010 23:48

Sorry, I meant a NIGHT out of course. (Typing in semi darkness whilst DD2 snoozes on sofa!).

Original poster
booyhoo · 21/08/2010 23:48

because i am childishly feeling miffed that she hasn't contacted me when she knows i am going through a lot of shit. i know it is stupid, if i want to talk to her i should just ring her but it is niggling that she hasn't asked how iI'm doing.

OP posts:
Gigantaur · 21/08/2010 23:50

I would be very hurt.

I am a totally rubbish friend and don't call my pals as often as i should. but when something big like this happens i always make it my priority to find out that they are ok.

your not a tube.

have a ((hug)) but dont tell anyone.

Original poster
booyhoo · 21/08/2010 23:53

thanks gig, hug well received Grin

OP posts:
Monty100 · 21/08/2010 23:54

Phone her. She might be waiting.....

MiladyDeSummer · 21/08/2010 23:54

You're a nicer person than I am booyhoo but sometimes you need to be even nicer to yourself. I used to worry about "friends" who cared not a jot for me which is how I arrived at my current position.

It is hard when you're still embroiled in their lives though. You're not being childish, you're being human Smile

skidoodly · 21/08/2010 23:56

It's not stupid. It's weird she hasn't been in touch.

Why haven't you called her? Maybe she thinks you don't want to talk to her.

Hope you are OK.

curlymama · 21/08/2010 23:57

I remember once when I was going through a bit of a hard time, and when I told my best friend about it after things had calmed down, she was gutted, and quite offended that I didn't phone her! I know your situation is different because your frend must know, but it's quite posssible that she is wating and hoping for you to call her. There is also the possibility that your ex and her dh didn't talk about it, men can sometimes bury their heads in the sand and talk about everything but their problems. Are you absolutely certain that they went golfing together and that your ex didn't cancel because of what's going on?

MiladyDeSummer · 21/08/2010 23:57

Oh ignore me I didn't read the OP properly. Save my advice for another time and listen to Monty and Gigi

scottishmummy · 21/08/2010 23:58

instead of what if/why speculating on mn just call her if you want a chat.dont deny ourself a mate over this

Original poster
booyhoo · 21/08/2010 23:58

see milady i am usually quite ruthless when it comes to 'friends' like that. i cut people out of my life very easily when i feel i cannot trust them to be a friend, which is how i have ended up with only one friend, and she really is my best friend, it's just that this is one of teh biggest things i have ever gone through and i know 100% that i would have rung her the next day to see if she had actually told him to leave. hell, i would have offered to be tehre with her when she told him.

OP posts:
Original poster
booyhoo · 22/08/2010 00:01

yes they definitely went, i have been speaking to EXp since then and he told me about it. he didn't mention what they talked about but they have talked about us in the past as BF's hubby also knew we were having problems so i would be very surprised if they didn't talk about it.

i think i will text tomorrow and see if she wants to do lunch during the week. but if i am being totally honest it will still be in the back of my mind that she didn't get in touch first.

OP posts:
MiladyDeSummer · 22/08/2010 00:03

Well it sounds like you are no pushover booyhoo.

Sorry to hear that she seems to have betrayed your trust which is hard-gained from what you say.

Keep posting, you know we'll be here whatever happens x

scottishmummy · 22/08/2010 00:04

maybe dont hold gridges or gripes against friends.all this back of my mind stuff is bit toxic.shes a mate, perhaps not as attentive as you hoped.but dont cut off your nose to spite your face

Original poster
booyhoo · 22/08/2010 00:05

i know milady, my mum is always warning me that i will end up friendless if i don't start trusting people but i find it sooo hard. i fel like i am compromising something of myself when i maintain friendships with people i know don't care about me.

OP posts:
Original poster
booyhoo · 22/08/2010 00:07

I know SM, i am not going to cut her off regardless of what has happened here, but i am just a bit hurt.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 22/08/2010 00:13

people give and take differentley.maybe adjust expectations.as hard as it is you cannot expect others to wholly met your standards.doesnt make her bad pal,just means she does it differently to you

Original poster
booyhoo · 22/08/2010 00:17

i know SM, i just thought that we were on the same page when it came to stuff like this, is it not normal to say "there there" when friends have a break up? but as you say, in her book it may be the sort of thing you leave them to it til they get in touch with you. i don't know, it's driving home that saying, 'the only person you can depend on is you'.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 22/08/2010 00:20

you are being too black&white life isnt all or nowt,neither are pals.the thing is sheis your pal so accept that as it is offered

gtamom · 22/08/2010 01:58

I think you should call her. She may think you need space. Maybe she is wondering the same thing, why have you not called her?
Just call her up and invite her over.

Tortington · 22/08/2010 02:02

so shes sat there wondering why, being your best friend and all, you haven't rung her to tell her that you and ex h have split up.

she is thinking

she wants some space
she doesn't like me anymore
its a secret, maybe i am not supposed to know this.

she isn't bloody psychic woman.

pinkydinky2 · 22/08/2010 02:34

22 years ago my best friend let me down... my ex boyfriend married someone else, I was gutted but instead of her being there to comfort me she went to the wedding! I couldn't understand how she could do that to me.

We've just recently got back in touch through FB. Turns out she thought I was completely over him and didn't go to the wedding because I was preparing to leave for uni next day. She had no clue I was so upset! We lost touch after that!

Obviously a different situation from your's but now that we've finally talked about it I realise we wasted 22 years of not being friends.

It sounds like what you have with her is too good to throw away. Tell her you feel upset, don't expect her to guess how you feel. Tell her you need support.

I agree with Custardo she's not psychic!