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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to take DS to the doctor?

41 replies

naaaaaaamechange · 21/08/2010 18:20

XP just dropped DS (22mo) off. He said that he has been sick and pointed out a very pale "rash" on his arm, which faded about 30 seconds after I brought him inside.

DS seems perfectly fine - no temperature, perfectly alert and happy, hasn't been sick in the hour since he came back. I don't see a need to take him to the doctor at all. XP is quite insistent though. I'm a bit annoyed as if he was that worried, why didn't he take him to the out of hours clinic himself? He's also decided he's too ill to go tomorrow, and said that IF I take him to the doctor, he will see him next saturday.

The only thing I can think is maybe he thinks it's chicken pox, as his girlfriend is pregnant. Other than that I can't think why he has decided he is too ill to go tomorrow, unless he is just making a crap excuse (as he has been known to before) And (Blush) I smelled DS' clothes and they don't smell like he has been sick, at all. But on the other hand, why would he bother to make something like this up?? Confused

He was manipulative/controlling when we were together, if that is relevant. Also why I namechanged, just in case he comes on here to check!

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/08/2010 18:21

He's told you that he will only have DS IF you take him to the doctor???? What a controlling twunt!

ChippingIn · 21/08/2010 18:26

'Whatever - don't take him next week if you don't want to :)'.

It's the only response necessary.

If you don't think he needs to go to the DR then don't take him.

and yes, you are right, asswipe Ex should have taken him if he was that concerned. Twat.

Have a large glass of wine and enjoy the fact that he's your EX!!

Glitterknickaz · 21/08/2010 18:27

YANBU.
Unless you have real concerns for his health then it'd be more upsetting to lug poor DS t the doc!
If you get any concerns later this evening then I'm sure you'll call the doc!

Pioneer · 21/08/2010 18:29

Well if it was my ds I would not feel it necessary to take him to the doctors.

And if my partner (ex or not) was so insistent, I would be telling him to take him there.

I know it is a terrible assumption, but do you think there is any chance that ex is going somewhere/doing something tomorrow and is using it as an excuse?

I only say this as I would be suspicious of the fact that he was fine and didn't smell of sick, and had an arm rash that disappeared as soon as he got home Hmm

racmac · 21/08/2010 18:40

Why dont you tell him you took him to the Dr's and he was absolutely fine so therefore he can still have him tomorrow Grin

Pioneer · 21/08/2010 18:42

Good call racmac

Original poster
naaaaaaamechange · 21/08/2010 18:52

Haha, good idea. I have already texted back though. I said "He's fine, he doesn't need to see a doctor. He is will enough to come tomorrow unless you are busy now?"

I have just had a brilliant thought as well. I saw XP's mum the other day and she mentioned that it is DS' cousin's birthday party tomorrow. XP, DS, XP's girlfriend and her DD were invited but apparently they already had plans. So if he says he can't have him tomorrow then I am really tempted to ring his mum and ask where this party is so that I can take DS myself. Pioneer I honestly would not be surprised, sadly enough... he has lied or exaggerated the truth on more than one occasion to get out of having him before.

I'm glad you are all saying this! I half expected to get a load of replies saying it's good he was concerned, he is DS' dad, he has a say in medical attention, etc.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 21/08/2010 19:23

When he texts back, why don't you say 'Sorry, as I didn't hear straight back from you I assumed you weren't coming for him, we have other plans now' and go to the party!

I would so want to stop him having my son if he had this attitude to him... if you don't want to have him, don't have him....GRRRR

Original poster
naaaaaaamechange · 21/08/2010 19:42

No need... he texted back all "concerned" saying that DS was really sick in the car and they didn't want his GF's DD to catch it.

Really? So you are telling me he was really sick in the car, but his carseat was spotless when you got him out of it, admittedly I didn't get that close to the car, but usually when a child is sick you can smell it a mile off, and his clothes are also miraculously spotless. And he had a tummy bug about 2 weeks ago, so this information is pretty fresh in my mind.

Confused Do you think he really, seriously thought I would believe his made up story, or is he just counting on the fact I won't pull him up on it to save myself the hassle?

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 21/08/2010 20:01

Yeah, he's 22 months, of course he didn't get any sick on him when he was so violently ill??? What kind of an idiot does he take you for?? Twat.

What is so special about his GF's DD that she has to be so protected?

Do they live with him? If not, why can't he just not see them for the day - in fact even if he does live with them, why can't he just take DS out for the day?

I wonder what it is they have planned for tomorrow that they can't take DS to??

Why is HIS DS coming a poor second to her DD???

Steaming on your behalf !!

I'd be so tempted to text him back saying that being a Dad isn't a choice it's a fact, kids are sick - fact - deal with it.

(not that I believe for a minute he is sick you understand)

Pioneer · 21/08/2010 20:10

OMG that is actually really worrying that he would quite clearly make that up - my DS was sick in the car at approximately that age and it took me hours to clean it off him, the seat, the car seat etc. Also find it worrying about the arm rash - is it too cynical of me to think that this may have been inflicted? Sorry if I have overstepped the mark by saying that, but this whole scenario is ringing alarm bells with me.

TBH if it was me I think I would challenge him on it, but that's just me, I never let these things lie.

We get a lot of this kind of crap with DH's ex - made up and contradictory stories.

I just think it would be much better if they said "I'm really sorry, but I have x to do tomorrow and it wouldn't be suitable for DS - I can have him an extra day some other time"

Assuming this is the reason for the alleged story btw.

Original poster
naaaaaaamechange · 21/08/2010 20:19

Hahahahaha, take DS out, for the day, on his own?? Grin Or in fact - spend an ENTIRE day away from his precious girlfriend?? How dare you even suggest it! Lol. Even when he was single he used to bring friends etc along to see DS with him. Once when we were together, my mum, sister and cousin babysat together for DS and XP hit the roof because he was "expected" to look after DS on his own if when I went out! Confused

TBH this isn't even the half of it. What makes me laugh is he always tries to make out to everyone else that I'm the unreasonable one.

OP posts:
Original poster
naaaaaaamechange · 21/08/2010 20:23

Thanks Pioneer, no don't worry - it didn't look inflicted at all. It wasn't even a rash - you know when you get hot and the pores in your skin go slightly red and look vaguely like spots? That was what it was. XP always used to have it boiling in the car, I wouldn't be surprised if that's what made him sick as well.

I'm hoping to see a solicitor soon about some other stuff which is going on with him, so I will mention this as well. I am making a note of all the incidents (hope he doesn't find this thread now Confused)

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 21/08/2010 20:32

He sounds like a knob. Yanbu.

ChippingIn · 21/08/2010 20:38

GRRRRRRRR

What an utter waste of space.

How the hell did someone as nice as you end up with someone like him in the first place??
Confused

I hope you get some joy with the solicitor.

Original poster
naaaaaaamechange · 21/08/2010 21:15

Aw, thanks ChippingIn Blush we got together when I was 18 so I guess I was just young and naive... or something.

Don't know what to do about this party now. I would quite like to go, but a, it's a bit cheeky to ask as I haven't technically been invited (though XMIL did say that the family members holding the party were disappointed that they missed out on meeting up with us the other day) and b, XMIL is quite a gossip, I can't be sure she won't be straight on the phone to XP if I ring her, and I'm pretty sure that he would kick off about it if he thought I was going behind his back or "underminding" (his word!) him. And I haven't spoken to any of his family, except his mum, since we split up.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 21/08/2010 21:37

If you would like to go and DS would enjoy it then you should go. Could you call and ask if it's OK for you to bring DS as EX can't? She said they were disappointed not to have seen you the other day, so it sounds like you'd be welcome....

So what if she ring dickhead he didn't want DS for the day, what are you supposed to do - sit at home crying into your teacup??

How would you be 'underminding' him? Confused

Sounds like now would be as good a time as any for you to see the rest of DS's family!!

Original poster
naaaaaaamechange · 21/08/2010 21:53

I suppose I could ring first thing in the morning. Then if he wants to kick off he has the whole day to stew about it. I think I tend to worry about things too much. I have visions of him turning up at my door with fifty mates - but I really really think that is unlikely! He will probably just stew on his own and be too chicken to say anything to me directly.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 21/08/2010 22:02

I wouldn't even do that... I'd ring just before you need to leave, why spend the morning wondering if he's going to 'drop in' and kick off??

If he ever does anything that scares you, you have to call the police straight away. You shouldn't be worried about how he will react - it should be part of the joy of having him as an EX.

Original poster
naaaaaaamechange · 21/08/2010 22:07

Could do - but I have no idea what time the party is. I would guess afternoon though? I could ring at 10ish rather than first thing - 10ish is first thing though for a sunday, isn't it?

OP posts:
Original poster
naaaaaaamechange · 21/08/2010 22:07

And yes meant to add, I would call the police if he scared me now, but I just tend to run through ridiculous scenarios in my head!

OP posts:
mumbar · 21/08/2010 22:27

go to the party!!

Had/have an es-p like this who loved having ds when it was convenient Confused

We lived abroad and I went to e-mil for x mas luch as ex-p working Grin (my family in the UK)

Now I in UK I still meet with ex-mil when she's over visiting friends and your ds will appreciate you and her making the effort when he's older.

(plus you can never have too many babysitters!)

Sorry things aren't easy for you at the moment but FWIW you sound like a brilliant mum who puts her ds first.

Original poster
naaaaaaamechange · 21/08/2010 22:36

Haha, never having too many babysitters, very good point Grin

I do keep in touch with XMIL for DS' sake really, she can be hard work! Yes so true though about it being when convenient for them. And if I ever suggest he has him longer he is mysteriously busy, he must hate the idea of me going off and doing anything for myself.

OP posts:
mumbar · 21/08/2010 22:55

just for a laugh for you. When ex-p and I split ds was 13 months and I wanted to arrange he had him every weekend for 1 day. This was fine if it didn't coincide with his football Wink I asked him to have him for a night and he said if he does that when will he go out?

Answer given - '1 of the other 30 nights of the month!'

My Ex-MIL is hard work too but she makes more efoort than his father so ....... Smile

ChippingIn · 21/08/2010 23:13

Bloody hell, we really should be able to name them and shame them, stop any other poor woman ending up with them!!

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