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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this father acts inappropriately towards his adult daughter?

47 replies

alexisfaith · 21/08/2010 13:02

Background: Friends of the family. The mother and father (let's call them Jean and Jim) are in their fifties, they have three daughters in their twenties. The middle daughter, let's call her Jenny, is twenty two, married, and pregnant.

Jim seems to have a particular 'favoritism' where Jenny is concerned. My mother worked with Jim and when he was away on business she needed to open a password-protected document. Jim phoned and told my mum the password was 'Jennybaby'. Could be normal, could be weird, but in this context it felt creepy. Read on...

On Jenny's 21st birthday, she was wearing a very short dress. I was at the party and Jim said 'Any shorter and I'll need to give you a haircut' - meaning her pubic hair, of course. I've heard the haircut joke before but he was going to give it? Weird. Jenny and Jean both laughed.

In the run up to Jenny's wedding, Jim gave her a gift of underwear for her wedding day. From Ann Summers, it was explicitly 'naughty' underwear. I know because Jean thought it was hilarious and put a photo on her facebook page. Jenny laughed it off in a comment on facebook e.g. 'Better not tell [future husband] that dad bought those!'

In the wedding photos and video, there's one scene of Jenny and her father. He's standing behind her, really fondling her breasts in his hands. In a sort of Benny Hill, caper kind of way. She was saying 'Dad, behave!' and he said 'Tits out for the lads, Jen!', pulling at the straps of her dress. It seemed so inappropriate.

In his father of the bride speech, he went on and on about how lucky Jenny's husband would be on the wedding night, and spoke in innuendo about the kind of oral sex Jenny might give him. It made me feel really uncomfortable to hear, other guests thought he was pissed and inappropriate, but I feel that he acts towards Jenny in a very sexualized manner.

I'm thinking about it now because Jenny is expecting her first baby and Jim keeps commenting very negatively about how her fanjo will never be the same again.

Am I being unreasonable to think their relationship is somewhat inappropriate? It makes my skin crawl.

OP posts:
proudnsad · 21/08/2010 13:05
Hmm
StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2010 13:05

yes, inappropriate IMO

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2010 13:05

not sure what you can/would want to do though

piratecat · 21/08/2010 13:07

ewwww its gross

MandyMcFly · 21/08/2010 13:07

Definitely very innappropriate...it made my skin crawl reading that. I was very creeped out if my dad ever made any kind of even vague reference to sex!

maristella · 21/08/2010 13:08

the 'dad' sounds like a fucking creep

ZZZenAgain · 21/08/2010 13:08

sleaze-ball

yuk, grappling with her breasts and so on is weird. The mother is strange too, laughing about everything. I suppose the family have just decided to deal with it as his ribald manner.

Let's hope her dh is made of better material.

Morloth · 21/08/2010 13:08

Weirdy weirdy weirdy but not actually any of your business other than to avoid him.

gorionine · 21/08/2010 13:08

I think it is inapropriate and I would feel "yuck" if my own dad behaved this way with me.

ZZZenAgain · 21/08/2010 13:10

YANBU to find it inappropriate but why does she put up with it?

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2010 13:11

lets hope he's not like this to her baby & she realises it's not appropriate

invisibleink · 21/08/2010 13:11

But Jenny seems to go along with it??

TheBolter · 21/08/2010 13:13

Utterly vile and tasteless way for a father to speak of his own daughter. The wife is a mug, and possibly slightly dim, to not do anything about it.

emmyloulou · 21/08/2010 13:14
Shock
pagwatch · 21/08/2010 13:14

YABU .
don't all dads squeeze their childrens tits and talk about their blow jobs and fanjos? Doesn't the Boden catalogue have 'Jenny shimmers in the Havana tunic as dad Jim squeezes her tits and gurns at mum Jean?

[sigh]

Is the point of your OP to suggest it is incest or abuse?

CheeseandGherkins · 21/08/2010 13:14

Has Jenny been abused by her father?

JustAnotherManicMummy · 21/08/2010 13:16

A couple of things you mention could be innocently explained like the password (his daughter is expecting a baby and her name is Jenny) but the touching, underwear and sexual comments are just plain sickening.

Can I suggest you just avoid them all if it makes you feel uncomfortable? She is a grown woman so capable of making decisions about her boundaries and what is appropriate - even if other people would find them unacceptable.

alexisfaith · 21/08/2010 13:19

proudnsad, was your Hmm at the father or at me?

As there's nothing I can do about it but find it really creepy, I just wanted to know if other people thought this was inappropriate or if I was unfairly judging him. I wish I could tell him to back off. I AM judging him, I don't apologize for that, the creepy bugger.

You're right, it shouldn't be in AIBU, should be in chat. Or nowhere. Sorry, it is really bloody creepy. I don't know what I'm asking really. I know it probably looks like I'm being sensationalist or gossipy, I just wanted to let out some of my 'urgh!' steam because I can't say anything in real life.

I'm not suggesting incest. Just utter weirdness.

Sorry if I've offended anyone, wasn't my intention. Will just avoid Jim, for sure.

OP posts:
YunoYurbubson · 21/08/2010 13:20

Pag - could you perhaps set up a Mumsnet service whereby you write what I am thinking, but put it so much more succinctly (and politely)? It would be ever so useful. I can pay you in mint imperials.

LucyLouLou · 21/08/2010 13:21

This is really really weird, but I don't think things will change after all this time. I'd be keeping a very close eye on any future grandchildren....Hmm

alexisfaith · 21/08/2010 13:22

My internet connection keeps dropping. Apologies if I disappear or don't respond.

OP posts:
Malificence · 21/08/2010 13:24

The thought of my husband saying/doing similar things to our 20 year old DD is sickening, he would never say such vile and creepy things to her, it wouldn't even cross his mind to make sexual comments about his daughter (or even to me in a public situation).

God this makes my skin crawl.

pagwatch · 21/08/2010 13:24

Yuno.... Mmmnn.... mint imperials....

I would be delighted Grin
(although I would never use succinct in relations to 99% of my posts.)

But if we are thinking the same then you are clearly a charming and intelligent poster and I will consider your reasonable request

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 21/08/2010 13:30

It seems weird (the password excepted) but then some families find each other's farts hilarious and others find them horrifying, some couples happily shit in front of each other and others would rather die first...

What i mean is that different families have different norms. I suspect I'm being over generous though.

maxpower · 21/08/2010 13:31

the biggest concern I can see in this situation is what will happen to Jenny's child esp if it's a girl.

It would appear that whatever is going on is accepted by Jenny and her parents - what do her other sister's think?