to think this father acts inappropriately towards his adult daughter?

[alexisfaith]

Background: Friends of the family. The mother and father (let's call them Jean and Jim) are in their fifties, they have three daughters in their twenties. The middle daughter, let's call her Jenny, is twenty two, married, and pregnant.

Jim seems to have a particular 'favoritism' where Jenny is concerned. My mother worked with Jim and when he was away on business she needed to open a password-protected document. Jim phoned and told my mum the password was 'Jennybaby'. Could be normal, could be weird, but in this context it felt creepy. Read on...

On Jenny's 21st birthday, she was wearing a very short dress. I was at the party and Jim said 'Any shorter and I'll need to give you a haircut' - meaning her pubic hair, of course. I've heard the haircut joke before but he was going to give it? Weird. Jenny and Jean both laughed.

In the run up to Jenny's wedding, Jim gave her a gift of underwear for her wedding day. From Ann Summers, it was explicitly 'naughty' underwear. I know because Jean thought it was hilarious and put a photo on her facebook page. Jenny laughed it off in a comment on facebook e.g. 'Better not tell [future husband] that dad bought those!'

In the wedding photos and video, there's one scene of Jenny and her father. He's standing behind her, really fondling her breasts in his hands. In a sort of Benny Hill, caper kind of way. She was saying 'Dad, behave!' and he said 'Tits out for the lads, Jen!', pulling at the straps of her dress. It seemed so inappropriate.

In his father of the bride speech, he went on and on about how lucky Jenny's husband would be on the wedding night, and spoke in innuendo about the kind of oral sex Jenny might give him. It made me feel really uncomfortable to hear, other guests thought he was pissed and inappropriate, but I feel that he acts towards Jenny in a very sexualized manner.

I'm thinking about it now because Jenny is expecting her first baby and Jim keeps commenting very negatively about how her fanjo will never be the same again.

Am I being unreasonable to think their relationship is somewhat inappropriate? It makes my skin crawl.

OMG he sounds disgusting, made me feel quite gross all over just reading about him. You are not alone in thinking its strange.

Ewwwww and

Does he only behave like this towards Jenny or is he as cringy with the other daughters? I can't understand the wife at all how can she not think this is creepy and inappropriate behaviour

I don't really think it's any business of yours, and I'm not sure why you'd think it appropriate to tattle about your 'friends' on MN for the vicarious disgust/titillation of thousands of posters and lurkers.

it would make me feel extremely uncomfortable and I wouldn't want to spend timd with these people.

I am also rather about this being in AIBU.

I mean, do you really need to ask?

It's distasteful and creepy (apart from the password thing)

Thing that strikes me, is this is clearly all very public, not some secretive sordid going-on. If you witnessed all this as a family friend, then clearly the wider family, 'Jenny's' husband, his family, other friends, all see this happening. It seems that the family (and Jenny's husband?) collude with it, by not telling him to stop.

It's all very creepy and I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable at a wedding where the bride's father gives a speech about her giving oral sex....

Not sure about the point of this thread though. Can't you just drop them and find some friends who find their entertainment in slightly more interesting ways than groping their daughter or making suggestive comments.

My husbands Grandad does this with SIL always staring down her top or going for a grope when he can hes tried it with me only to be told where he can shove the idea. Its creepy and its wrong in my opinion she even trys to get him to make odd comments like this by bending over in front of him in a low cut top and then going "OOoooh don't you look now" with a coy smile on her face. I've had to stop visting there now as it really does give me the chills.

Is his name Fritzl or something?
Highly suspicious and why would her mom find it funny?
Has Jenny expressed any discomfort about these goings ons, I feel something is going to come out one of these days.

Are you mad? Why did you even post this? I think it's quite odd for you to be describing these things .

OP, are you "Jenny"? Or "Jim"?

How would you know what he has used for his password unless you are jenny .

alarm bells alarm bells alarm bells

The whole family sound like nut jobs!

If OP disappears, it's because he/she is frantically doing the five-fingered shuffle, I would suspect. Not because of bad internet connection.

Seriously. There are forums where people would be happy to discuss this with you.

Fucking disgusting IMO.

Wrong wrong and wrong. WTF????

1. How can the mother be laughing along with it?

1. How can 'Jenny' not tell him where to go?

1. Why does he do it in public?

If 'Jenny' was/had been being abused etc, surely she wouldn't be laughing along and 'Jim' wouldn't be doing it in public.

This is vile in so many ways and made my skin crawl. I hope to god that this 'Jenny' keeps her child away from this perv.

I also couldn't be around people like this and if asked why I was distancing myself, I would be brutally honest.

I think elmofan might be right....

.

I have seen this poster posting before, nothing to suggest at all this is just a hairy trucker fantasy?

Good God!!

This is highly sexualized behaviour from a parent - and very inappropriate and worrying.

Even if Jenny hasn't been physically sexually abused by the dad - this behaviour would still be classified as abusive and traumatic. The mother should have stepped in a long time ago to protect Jenny from this.

Have namechanged.

This is very inappropriate.

My own father behaved very inappropriately towards me when I was growing up.

He used to comment that I smelled of fish and other fishy fanjo innuendo (I didn't btw, not that that's the point!)

When he gave me a kiss - nothing wrong with that in itself - the tip of his tongue would come out and touch my lip. To this day I pretend that I have Pogonophobia (fear of beards) so I can avoid getting close to him.

He once tried to get me to give him a kiss goodbye in the street and I refused and he yelled "bitch" after me. I was at junior school at the time.

I once had a nightmare that he had come into my bedroom at night. I woke up, pulled on about 6 pairs of pants. I told my mum, who challenged him and he said he had been in my room and tucked me in. To be fair, I am not trying to say that this wasn't the case. It may have been.

I went out the next day, bought a bolt and fitted it to my door. I was less than 12.

We were once talking and he started on about the fact that him and my mum hadn't had sex for years and years and that a man had "needs". There was nothing else to that conversation but I know that I felt it was totally unacceptable for a father to have such kind of discussion with his daughter.

He found out I had slept with a policeman and called me a pig poker.

I used his computer and found lots of "lolita" sites. (all models over 18 disclamers. Not actual children.)

All that sort of stuff. Nothing that was abuse, but just left me feeling very uncomfortable because it was so inappropriate.

So I 100% agree that what you describe is inappropriate. Nasty.

It is more than a few steps beyond what I would I be comfortable with my own father.

If the daughter is okay with him behaving like this then I guess it is okay - only she and him really know the boundaries of their relationship.

Discussions about her private parts though - that is strange and why should he care anyway?