To not want to be forced into having a secon child

[chilipepper27]

i had my ds only six weeks ago and already people are asking me when im going to have another , i love my son with all my heart but until ten months ago i wasnt even sure if i wanted kids and i have only ever wanted one, when i tell people this i have had every response from looks of horror to being told i am being cruel denying my ds a brother or sister , aibu ? should i pln to have another for my ds sake? would love peoples opinions as i am new to all this

YADNBU

Just ignore them, it's non of their business. In fact tell them to go run off a plank. I hate the though of people putting others under that kind of pressure. Who do they think they are?

your baby is 6 weeks old, i don't think you can possibly know whether you want another one or not. YANBU just enjoy your new baby and if you want to have another you will know when the time feels right.

YANBU - People can't help opening their mouths and spouting rubbish - particularly when you are pregnant or have had a baby. They don't mean to be insensitive or annoying, I think they just feel they have to say something.

It won't get any better, sadly - you just have to learn a stock response to keep regurgitating out along with a sweet smile.

Something along the lines of 'Let me see how we get on with this one first' should do it and then change the subject swiftly.

If you decide to have another - let it be your decision. You don't need to feel pressured.

Tell them that your baby is only six weeks old and you can't even plan the next DAY, let alone another child.

Also, don't rule out another one, it's early days yet. But certainly don't let other people tell you what to do!

Just tell them its way too early to think about that and you are enjoying your baby!

No-one is "forcing" you into having another, they are hardly putting pins in the Durex really are they?

A bit over-sensitive perhaps?

YANBU, but it seems to be a natural thing for people to ask - I've asked it myself , but never meant it in an intense, serious way!

No-one but you can decide whether you want more or not, and no-one can force you into it. You are not cruel to deny your ds (congrats BTW!) a sibling, as every family is different. People with larger families can probably not imagine having just one.

I'm PG with no. 4 - with the rants and horrified looks I've had, and the several "You're MAD!" comments, I could write an AIBU every other day, but each to their own, and all that!

You don't have to tell them you're only planning to have one, just look horrified and say it's a bit soon to be talking about another just yet. If you tell people all your plans for your life it is embarrassing if you change your mind.

If you do have only one child it is not cruel, he will be fine, but you might have to get used to people commenting on it. But they are rude and insensitive so try to ignore them.

Congrats.

You are being asked the question that all new mums are asked in some form or other.

If you do go onto have a second and god forbid it is the same sex as the first, the question will change slightly to become when are you going to try for a boy/girl?

ScarecrowSally - Snap. I wish I had a pound for the 'You're Mad!', 'You must like kids', 'What? Is your telly broken?' comments.

But JodiesMummy - of course she's likely to feel sensitive - she's only been a mum for 6 weeks!!

I'm an only child btw - and people always ask if I missed not having brothers and sisters. Talk about stupid questions. People can't help themselves.

But in reality - IS anyone forcing her to have another child? No.

YANBU It's just standard bollocks that people come out with; I don't think they even hear what they're saying. Smile vaguely and ignore it.

It's just Society's way, although none the less annoying for that - people like to chivvy other folk along. If you're dating, it's when will you get engaged; if you're engaged, it's when will you get married; if you're married, it's when will you have kids, and so on.

I would suggest you say something like "we're going to see what price we can get for this one first, to see if there's a genuine market for them".

Or "we're planning twins for 16th June next year".

Failing that, "why on earth would I be even thinking about that NOW?!"

(Sorry, am feeling a little feisty. Have discovered and devoured a chocolate Santa lying hidden in the cupboard. Am now full of shame and sugar.)

Are you seriously considering bringing another human into the world becuase your family have asked when you're having another?

Isn't there a bit more to this kind of decision making?

Have you always done whatever your family have vaguely hinted at?

Well, of course no one is actually forcing her to have another, but she feels, from the comments she's had, pressured.

my nan vaguely hints at a passing attraction to Alan Titchmarsh, doesnt mean Im buying his 2011 calendar :o

Because that's the same thing, isn't it?

Yes Lulu. Its a ridiculous exaggeration, much like the OP :)

YANBU people do ask dumb questions, they can't help it. Even if you loved kids loads it's still stupid thing to ask someone who's baby is 6 weeks old. Think most mums have been there tho (funny coz in my experience they never the dads )

My DD is turning 3 very soon and it's at fever pitch now "oh better get a move on!" err helllooo I'm 24 not 64! They still ask even the ones that know I no longer have a partner to make a baby with!

I like people asking about our family. It shows they are interested, or just nosey but as my favourite subject is ME I just babble on regardless.

Correct answer is, "I'm waiting for the stitches to come out after this one first, thanks"

It may well get worse as your son gets older (congrats btw!) but hopefully you wont feel quite so sensitive about it by then--you have just had a baby so of course you're allowed to be a little sensitive!

My DD is 13 months and pretty much everyone I know (and many strangers who I don't) is constantly harrassing me and dh as to when we're going to start trying for number 2. I'm just enjoying my time with DD and am in no rush. I tend to just laugh politely and say what i've just written about enjoying DD and if they persist I firmly say we'll see and defiantly change the subject (unless its my mother, then i'm more abrupt!)

I know its easier said than done, but just try to let it wash over you and just keeping bringing the conversation back to how wonderful and clever your baby is--there's bound to be something new to coo over, whether it be smiling or rolling or laughing.

JodiesMummy - I apologise. I've had a sense of humour bypass today, apparently :).

I do feel for the OP though, on top of everything else, there's something else to feel nagged about. I guess it's because I've been there and I've smiled (whilst shouting rude responses in my head at the people making stupid comments).

sanielle - I like that answer. I wish I'd thought of it years ago.

This time we'll get 'This is the last one now, right?' 'So, DH is going to get the snip now, isn't he?'

Check out Time magazine from June this year (sorry don't know which week).

Great lengthy article re one child families and all the latest research.

Is it this one Indaba - just been reading - v interesting. Thanks for info.