Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my DD being fed McNastys by her dad when I've sent her with a packed lunch and tea.....

41 replies

LifeIsButtercream · 17/08/2010 10:53

..... or am I a food snob?

She is only a year old!

He looks after her one day a week while I'm at work (we're seperated), and I send her with a homemade, cooked lunch (just needs reheating) and a packed sandwich/finger food dinner.

Her dad already makes a fuss that he has her once a week from 8-5pm (not overnight) and its not taken into account in the maintenance he pays (which is the minimum amount anyway)so I feel that I need to not inconvenience him further by having him needing to purchase and prepare meals for her on top of this. His family also eat a very restricted diet as they are all very fussy eaters, and I have worked hard to encourage DD to eat a wide range of foods, and I've run myself into the ground making her homemade food.

Ok cut long story short - she came back from his after his day with her weilding a Happy Meal toy, so I ask where she got it from (light-heartedly) and he hands me her unopened lunch (shepherds pie - which she loves) and says that she deserved a treat and he wanted her to have 'something nice for once' as he wouldn't eat what I send so he thought it was unfair for her to have to.

Now, I have the odd McDonalds myself every few months, I'm not that snobby - but she is only 1 - those things are loaded with salt and gack!

Trust me, I WISH I was a troll!

AIBU to be pissed off about this?

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 17/08/2010 10:57

I was going to charge right on in and say YABU, but on reflection he's being an arse.

I think it might be worth letting this one go though. Life's too short and all that.

domeafavour · 17/08/2010 10:58

don't think you are being unreasonable being annoyed about it.
But he is her dad, and you can't really dictate what they do or where they go

try telling him it's not really suitable for a 1 year old. sounds like it could be a bit of a mission trying to educate him!

but once a week isn't going to kill her, and is McDonalds really that bad now. I thought they had improved things?

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 17/08/2010 10:58

Does he do it every week, or is it genuinely once in a while? If it's the latter, I think you're overreacting. But clearly he's being rude with the "well I wouldn't eat it, so I won't make her do so", and it's intended to needle you.

HollyGoHeavily · 17/08/2010 11:03

Well i'd be a bit irritated if my child arrived for a day with me clutching a packed lunch. He is her father and part of being a parent is being responsible for feeding her while he is looking after her.

Don't send her with food next time - let him be responsible. If he chooses McDonalds a few times (probably to wind you up) then just ignore it - once a week won't hurt her....

Morloth · 17/08/2010 11:03

He is her Dad and therefore has as much say in her diet as you do. It isn't great but apart from letting him know that you think it is unhealthy there isn't anything you can do.

BollockBrain · 17/08/2010 11:16

yabu - surely he can decide what he feeds his daughter. it is not as if he is feeding her day and night with junk.

We had a very proud moment when one of ours had first maccy at 10 months. It hasn't killed him and he is happy healthy 14 year old now.

shockers · 17/08/2010 11:17

DS1's dad used to do that, simply because he knew I hated it. I decided not to react to take the pleasure of winding me up away from him.

Unfortunately, unless it's something illegal, it's your X's choice what he feeds his DD when he has parental responsibility for her.

DS1 is 23 now and eats very healthily by choice Smile.

twopeople · 17/08/2010 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BrightLightBrightLight · 17/08/2010 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 17/08/2010 11:19

I would think the fact you send a packed lunch pisses him off..Let him feed her what he likes and don't react

theladylobster · 17/08/2010 11:24

YABU about packing her lunch, its a mite patronising to her father to assume he cannot fix her up some food, she is his daughter after all

YANBU about the golden arches at 1 years old, its no food for a baby

inveteratenamechanger · 17/08/2010 11:31

I feel your pain, but YABU. He is her dad, and if he is going to have a good relationship with her, he needs to take responsibility for her. That includes feeding her.

I agree McDonalds is not great for a one year old, but it sounds like she eats very healthily the rest of the week - good for you.

Don't let him wind you up. I have been in your shoes and it is very hard, but you have to keep telling yourself that the only important thing is the relationship between your DD and her dad.

clam · 17/08/2010 11:31

Bit Hmm as to how he complains about maintenance, yet willingly pays out for a MacD's when you have paid for and sent food.

Which makes me agree with those who've said he's trying to wind you up. Don't rise to it. It won't kill her, particularly if you're feeding her healthily the rest of the time.

PosieParker · 17/08/2010 11:33

Ignore, ignore, ignore. When I go on holiday we have MacDonalds once a week and that's in China where they pour on the salt!! No harm, no foul!!

Original poster
LifeIsButtercream · 17/08/2010 11:34

If I don't send her with meals then he complains, says that his mainenance is to pay for her food so why should he have to pay for more food when she is with him, so what am I supposed to do?

btw, ladylobster - i totally agree that McD is not suitable for a baby - and would like to say that if she were 4/5 and it was an occasional thing I wouldn't have a problem but it would be nice to know so I don't waste food sending it and it not being eaten (he hadn't kept it in the fridge/cooler so it couldn't be saved for later) I don't have enough money to throw food away!

OP posts:
BonniePrinceBilly · 17/08/2010 11:34

Its not actually "loaded with salt and gack" though.
YABU, his time, his choice of what to feed her. Chill out a bit.

Morloth · 17/08/2010 11:35

I think you need to get official contact/maintenance sorted out ASAP. He doesn't sound like the type you can have a long term "gentlemen's agreement" with.

mumtoabeautifulbabyboy · 17/08/2010 11:36

I think they're ok once in a while but this would have annoyed me as well. More the way he said well he wouldn't eat it so why should she! Sounds like he was trying to wind you up.

'Proud moment when a 10 month old had first McDonalds'hmmmmm.

clam · 17/08/2010 11:36

"If I don't send her with meals then he complains, says that his mainenance is to pay for her food so why should he have to pay for more food when she is with him, so what am I supposed to do?"

Exactly my point. So, ask him.

FindingMyMojo · 17/08/2010 11:37

YANBU to be annoyed - what is dreadful about his attitude is this thinking that MacDonalds is a 'treat'!!!!! AAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH - that annoys me big time. HE will be feeling GOOD about having given DD a TREAT. It's all about him and he's not thought about the one year old child at all.

But he's her Dad - sorry but like many other women (me included) you've picked an ass as the father of your child & now you have to deal with it best you can. Be thankful its only one day a week.

pigletmania · 17/08/2010 11:38

Yes I was going to wade in with YABVVVVVU until I read that your dd is only one not older. I totally agree with you, however he is her dad too and once or twice wont harm.

coraltoes · 17/08/2010 11:39

uh 1 yr old eating McDs?! bloody awful! I a no healthy eating freak (i tend to swear at the sight of a rice cake) BUT the levels of salt, sat fat and reconstituted meat in those meals makes me shudder, and feeding it to a 1 yr old is bloody irresponsible. Your child can choose to eat it when she is older as a treat maybe, when her body can cope with digesting crud a lot better than at current age. Until then homemade meals or even eating out but something balanced and healtheir is far more sensible.

I feel for you!

CheeseandGherkins · 17/08/2010 11:41

I'm pretty sure that him having her one day a week wouldn't lower his payments anyway so I'd tell him to suck it up. What sort of twat takes a 1 year old to Macdonalds? I hate the way you have to put him with it just because "he's her Dad and he can make the decision when he's with her". Stupid idiots like that shouldn't be allowed to make choices about their children at all I may be projecting here quite a lot :o

coraltoes · 17/08/2010 11:45

Actually i should not call it a treat. more a "one off". I am not trying to portray it as a reward as it just makes a kid hanker after it even more!

I remember going with my mum and dad once in a blue moon after begging. Dad refused to go in and would stand outside instead (!) and mum would let me eat whilst pointing out how i could only have it once in a while as it is so very bad for me. It did make me think when a then and later at uni when i needed a quick meal that mcDs wasnt the clever easy option. Instead i'd eat sandwiches, soup and leave mcds for those rainy shopping days when nothing feels more warming than reconstituted nuggets dipped in saccharine bbq sauce (i'm not being sarky, i do like these!)

coraltoes · 17/08/2010 11:46

Actually i should not call it a treat. more a "one off". I am not trying to portray it as a reward as it just makes a kid hanker after it even more!

I remember going with my mum and dad once in a blue moon after begging. Dad refused to go in and would stand outside instead (!) and mum would let me eat whilst pointing out how i could only have it once in a while as it is so very bad for me. It did make me think when a then and later at uni when i needed a quick meal that mcDs wasnt the clever easy option. Instead i'd eat sandwiches, soup and leave mcds for those rainy shopping days when nothing feels more warming than reconstituted nuggets dipped in saccharine bbq sauce (i'm not being sarky, i do like these!)

Swipe left for the next trending thread