to NOT back down to my elderly neighbour.

[AbstractApple]

She is winding me up more and more and I can feel my heels digging in. My friends have told me they think I am in the right (they would wouldn't they?)

A bit of background- we've had two break ins and two attempted break ins in three years. We were advised to take extra precautions, including security lighting to the back of our garden which backs onto a fairly busy road.

Over the last couple of months we?ve had the wrath of an elderly neighbour- it started off with a letter saying could we turn off our light as it shines (when activated by motion sensor) into her bedroom.

I dropped a note back mentioning the burglaries and the advice from the police etc and said that I would chop back the tree (which sometimes moves in the breeze setting it off) I also bought her a blackout blind when I was shopping but didn?t give it to her because the following day she came whilst we were having breakfast and started screaming at us! So the blind is being stored in our garage gathering dust!

She regularly walks over to my house and if I haven't left in the morning she gives me a rant and a sermon for a good ten minutes and it's starting to drive me mad.

I'm not going to turn the light off, we've had no problems, no break ins no vandalism for over a year and I think the light has helped. Does anyone have any ideas? She is threatening to take me to court because it violates her human rights and I have sarcastically suggested she closes her curtains- which of course she didn't like- but I am fed up and would rather my energy was spent elsewhere :-).

I would understand if a neighbour did this- in fact all three of my neighbours have done the same and it is a pain when the light shines through a window and the council putting a streetlight to the other side of my house is a pain but I understand it is necessary to improve the security in the area, oh blah, blah blah I am even boring myself now.
Thank you if you got to the end.

Oh dear looks like some people on here (baaaaaaabaaaaaaa) are just ranting for the sake of it and not reading anything I am writing, if this applies to you read carefully.

It does NOT point into her bedroom- check
It already HAS a curved hood- check
It is positioned onto my back wall which is a vulnerable spot and if anything is points to her neighbours house and she is NOT bothered by it.- check

-Not that is it any of his business but a police officer who came to follow up on one of the burglaries said it was perfect.- check
She has one in her back garden and if I was a conniving cow into point scoring I'd fake a letter form her neighbour complaining about her security light- but I'm not.

I am not going to tell her to fuck off, I wouldn't do that as I feel a bir more mellow about the situation now that I have read some of the more reasonable and constructive ideas, e.g. not the bitchy wagon riders.

Hoho at Countdown time though that did make me laugh.

I will give her the blind and be most bemused if she tells me to fuck off and I will turn the lights off for the next few days that doesn't mean I will leave them off.

Let me see if there is anything else I can remember that I didn't write in an 18 page OP oh yes I am a very kind and considerate neighbour and do lots for them, well the ones that don't rant, fret and scream at me and my children.

Yanbu.
And I don't think OP drip-fed at all, it's hard to think of every relevant fact sometimes, and we all try to be succinct else nobody will read what we wrote, so very difficult to include every possible relevant detail.

I think you need to keep a record of every communication with the complaining neighbour related to this matter, in case this escalates, but otherwise keep muddling thru trying to appease her, hopefully it will blow over.

Turning the light off for 3 days and then seeing if she comes complain is a good idea.

One big question: how did you know what size blind to buy her? Do you have the same build house, I wouldn't necessarily know what size windows my neighour had in her bedroom.

yanbu
don't give in -she's being an old bat

Ragged I guessed.No her house is completely different to mine but it's a small window and you can cut the end of these ones off and then cut the fabric to match the size of the baton thing.

Oh Abstract you have my every symptathy as I too live next to miserable old gits who seem to live to make my (and DC) lives a misery.I have a list of complaints from them which include my cats walking through their garden to me allowing my DC to play in my garden when they were off school with chicken pox. Apparently I should book my children's time in their own garden to suit the neighbours. Oh, and also got a note informing me that if any further delivery drivers asked them to take a parcel in for me, that they would take it in and throw it into my house through a closed window . I havent and wouldnt ask any company to leave a parcel for me with them.

If she still complains when the light is switched off then she is just being awkward and tbh perhaps enjoys the drama. I agree with other posts that perhaps an environmental health officermight be able to confirm that the light is legally ok. As long as it is then you dont need to worry and can happily tell your neighbour to contact the council if she has a problem.

Well done for keeping your cool.

Thanks Avril. Duly noted.

I'm wondering whether people are reading everything the OP has said, to the point of questioning my own reading comprehension given some of the responses.

Help me out here, because what I understand is that the neighbour complained even when the light was switched off, and also when the light was switched on but video shows the light wasn't triggered.

It sounds as though the neighbour realised that there was a security light, and henceforward complained because.... well, by the sounds of it, just because. And she has a reputation for complaining.

AbstractApple, have I got that right?

Huggly that is how I, my family, friends and neighbours saw it but if I lived in Mumsnet Close I'd be a nasty, selfish, self absorbed moron.

Still is does help to get another perspective.

People rarely read the whole thread on AIBU - they wade in on the strength of the OP (even when situations have been resolved). And I speak as someone who has a security light which shines right into my living room window in a blinding fashion on random occasions (I have never bothered to complain about it).

Anyone who wants written notes of when children are playing out is clearly a nutter. Is she going to die soon do you think?

have u and the other posters thought that maybe she is lonely, or suffering from depression, alz etc. There was a time that "respect your elders" was drummed into us

Respect is earnt.

Sounds like she is just lonely so what ever you do she will find something else. Maybe find something positive to talk about. Like her lovely garden invite her in for tea and cake she will be so thrown by you niceness she may go away. You may need to but some time in here but you may find you can cope with her if she is not ranting. May be set up a neighbourhood watch and give her a job to do that means she has to talk to everyone in your street.

Just thought I offer a completely different suggestion instead of repeating all that has gone before

Not sure if YABU or not because the location of the light has only been described rather than seen.

I'm guessing you didn't really watch 8 odd hours of video to count how many times the light came on? I'm also guessing she hasn't invited you into her room to demonstrate the problem so I can understand why you are reluctant to take her word for it given her reputation.

That said I wouldn't give her a blackout blind. DH likes to be woken by natural light so we have very thin, light coloured curtains in our bedroom. I think he would be insulted if someone implied that the way he slept was wrong.

Abstract - well done on staying so calm on this thread.

YANBU and some posters should perhaps read the thread before telling the OP to f* off.

And Justsue - I respect people who are kind, nice, pleasant not those who scream at me - perhaps I'm odd in that respect. Age in my opinion does not guarantee respect its how you act irrespective of your age.

TraceyB thanks for that, I have a very thick skin so I stay calm most of the time- unless you stand by my front door of a morning and stalk me and then I can be known to lose my rag. A fuck off from an tinternet stranger is like water off a duck's back

I was a bit puzzled at first and wondered what I was missing but you are quite right- perhaps in some cases posters read the opening post and then vent their spleen without reading inbetween the lines.

She missed us today but I'm sure the neighbours would've gotten a mouthful (weather's bad and she always drops by when it's raining) as it looks like they've been in all day. ( I am guessing)

I'm afraid, I may be pleasant to her again in the future, but she won't be having tea and cakes in my house- I only have people in my house that I like and respect and that does go two ways.

Yellodaffodil I am sorry to have missed your post, to answer your question no of course I didn't sit through ten hours of video. The video camera has a setting which has a motion detector on it also and it didn't go off until about 7am (bird,cat? who knows)but the sensor on the light wouldn't have triggered it anyway.

I know that the sensor (on the VC) works because I have used it before when I was spying on my dogs to see who the phantom chewer was

Daft question
As you say you've switched off your light before and she's still complaining-
Could it be her own security light going on and off?
and another one
do any of the street lights flicker?

She says her bedroom is at the front of her house and I know that her security light is to the back of the house as we walk that way to school.

I'd leave yours off for a few days then see if she still complains
If she does get the neighbours to do the same.
Then you'll all know if the elderly lady is havering or if there is a light shining

Its not car headlights is it?
I'm wondering why she would think there is a light

We had as ecurity light that went off all the time, woke one kid up, not the other.
Bats were setting it off!

She had another moan just now. and I told her the light had been off for days (slight exaggeration but still)

She called me a liar and I mentioned it perhaps being the neighbours. I think she is an attention seeker now, I will threaten her with the cops if she harrasses me again.

If I have a break in now I will have a fit.

Did she mention a time at all? It might help you pin down whats happening, if anything.
Did any of the neighbours have a light on?
Seems like she has an idea fixed in her mind

I never thought our now long defunct security light was a deterant to burglars, rather a way of seeing the path late at night.

YABU. Our neighbour's new light shone into our bedroom window (even with thick curtains closed) so I politely asked if there was anyway they could reposition the beam. They had no problem with this and just redirected the beam so they still have their security light and we don't get woken up every time a cat goes in their garden!

You have my sympathies. I have a neighbour (well he isn't really a neighbour as there is my back garden, a road and his front garden between our houses) who claims our rabbit keeps him awake. The rabbit hutch is directly underneath my bedroom window and I checked with our immediate next door neighbour too whether they hear anything - they don't)

He too is a serial complainer and has fallen out with most of the street including a policeman who lives opposite me.

Megatron, the OP has already stated that the light has been adjusted even switched off and still the neighbour complains