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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to NOT back down to my elderly neighbour.

105 replies

AbstractApple · 16/08/2010 11:30

She is winding me up more and more and I can feel my heels digging in. My friends have told me they think I am in the right (they would wouldn't they?)

A bit of background- we've had two break ins and two attempted break ins in three years. We were advised to take extra precautions, including security lighting to the back of our garden which backs onto a fairly busy road.

Over the last couple of months we?ve had the wrath of an elderly neighbour- it started off with a letter saying could we turn off our light as it shines (when activated by motion sensor) into her bedroom.

I dropped a note back mentioning the burglaries and the advice from the police etc and said that I would chop back the tree (which sometimes moves in the breeze setting it off) I also bought her a blackout blind when I was shopping but didn?t give it to her because the following day she came whilst we were having breakfast and started screaming at us! So the blind is being stored in our garage gathering dust!

She regularly walks over to my house and if I haven't left in the morning she gives me a rant and a sermon for a good ten minutes and it's starting to drive me mad.

I'm not going to turn the light off, we've had no problems, no break ins no vandalism for over a year and I think the light has helped. Does anyone have any ideas? She is threatening to take me to court because it violates her human rights and I have sarcastically suggested she closes her curtains- which of course she didn't like- but I am fed up and would rather my energy was spent elsewhere :-).

I would understand if a neighbour did this- in fact all three of my neighbours have done the same and it is a pain when the light shines through a window and the council putting a streetlight to the other side of my house is a pain but I understand it is necessary to improve the security in the area, oh blah, blah blah I am even boring myself now.
Thank you if you got to the end.

OP posts:
DinahRod · 16/08/2010 11:51

I do not condone her aggressive behaviour but don't let that put you off doing the right thing by her.

Being a good neighbour means not hacking them off and having a beam of light intermittently shining into my bedroom would do it, I'm afraid. I wouldn't want to have to fit a blackout blind in my property because of the actions of a neighbour to suit themselves and, even with the blackout blind, I think it would be a pita since light is going to show round the edges.

The inconvenience should be yours - thus the light needs adjusting and hooding.

DinahRod · 16/08/2010 11:54

Sorry, x posted a bit.

Original poster
AbstractApple · 16/08/2010 12:02

Thanks for your input.

I didn't realise I was being so inconsiderate. I have a burglar alarm and had one when we were broken into.

The light has been adjusted.

The light has been angled correctly and does not shine into her room it is not directed at her window at all.

I have even sgone to the lengths of setting up a video camera into our garden to see how often it went off and it didn't go off at all and yet she claimed she had gotten no sleep because the light was disturbing her the following day. The same happened when we turned the light off for three days- she did the same prompting me to believe her neighbours.

I have made all the adjustments I can, I will give her the blind and arrange to have it put up but will not hold my breath.

OP posts:
MorningTownRide · 16/08/2010 12:04

As Loshad said - Try putting in some sort of light shield to deflect the light from her property.

This is what councils do when people complain about street lights. They are quite affective.

SlackSally · 16/08/2010 12:07

Hmmm. When I lived at home my sisters and I shared the back bedroom and our next door neighbours installed one of these. It regularly kept us awake and, in the end, caused a big rift between us and them.

Also, can you really have any idea whether it's made a difference to whether you've been broken into?

It sounds more like you were very unlucky and your luck has now improved.

Deliaskis · 16/08/2010 12:08

AbstractApple, in that case, I would have a couple of days where you either use the video camera or switch it off completely, then when she next comes round, you can politely inform her that it has been switched off for x days, or that it has only been activated once in x days.

It might send her on her way, until she finds something else to moan about!

I'm not a fan of securiy lights but if you have really recorded nights where it wasn't activated at all then perhaps she is enjoying making a fuss rather more than being actually aggrieved by the situation.

D

MrsvWoolf · 16/08/2010 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trefusis · 16/08/2010 12:13

This reply has been deleted

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LucyLouLou · 16/08/2010 12:14

Your neighbour sounds like a cantankerous old witch tbh, but for the purposes of solving this, I would approach her (not by yourself, you don't want to get whacked by a stick or something!), offer to install the blind and reiterate that you do not wish to upset her but that the light is for security and you believe it to be working. Also tell her you are looking into adjusting the light (which you probably should) to reduce the effect on anyone else but don't leave her with the idea that you are willing to turn it off full stop.

I must say, it doesn't sound like you will ever resolve it entirely, unless this woman feels like she has won. The opinions of the other neighbours seem to suggest that the light actually isn't much of a problem anyway, and furthermore, that this problem neighbour is rather hideous to everyone. This light issue is probably a smokescreen, simply giving her a reason to bark at you. Her behaviour is not just annoying (which the light could be), it is abusive and unwarranted.

Kill her with kindness, be OTT nice, but just don't back down completely. Good luck.

LucyLouLou · 16/08/2010 12:15

Sorry x-post, sounds like you've done everything you can. Hmmm. Don't know how you're going to solve this one....

VinegarTits · 16/08/2010 12:16

if your burglar alarm didnt deter thieves then i dont see how the light is going to help much Hmm

so you actually sat through like 8 hours of video to see if the light came on? Hmm

this is one of those annoying drip feed threads so im off

Original poster
AbstractApple · 16/08/2010 12:17

I'll switch it off for a week and see if the situation improves.

To be fair she only started to turn nasty when I mentioned her security light to the back of her building which looks the same as ours. Perhaps her neighbours are a bit more forgiving Hmm

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 16/08/2010 12:18

My neighbours opposite have these lights (and so do we) and to be honest i don't mind the Close Encounters light in the middle of the night - we live in the city centre and they are an effective deterrent.

I wouldn't bother giving her the blackout blind - I think you relationship has probably deteriorated to teh extent that she would view this as an insult.

As long as your light is shielded I can't see what else you can do tbh.

trefusis · 16/08/2010 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CheeseandGherkins · 16/08/2010 12:19

YANBU AT ALL. She sounds like a moody old woman that is just trying to cause trouble, especially as you say you have proof that the light didn't go off at all! I can't stand liars and she clearly is, a liar. Oh, I wouldn't bother giving her the blind either. If she carries on harassing you then report her to the police, as that is what it is, harassment.

VinegarTits · 16/08/2010 12:21

oh so now she has a security light too? the plot thickens Hmm

she only became a cantankerous old witch after people started saying YABU, funny that

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 16/08/2010 12:22

YANBU.

some people are never happy unless they have something to complain about.

emptyshell · 16/08/2010 12:31

Check the sensitivity of it - our street looks like a cheesy 80s disco when a cat walks through all the back gardens.

I'm sure you can get shields to direct the beam better - in fact our streetlight outside our window has one fitted to block the light shining back away from the street into the guy over the road's bedroom. Angle it down a bit more as well - I did have to put up with a neighbour's badly adjusted one shining pretty much into my bedroom window as a kid (joys of living on an estate on a hill as well so what could have been done was minimal - what was actually done was none existent) and they CAN be pretty annoying if you've got them going on and off all night.

At least then you've shown you've done everything possible at your end... plus what's the point of YOUR security light shining on the house next door's wall? Shine it onto your house or you're giving her a freebie!

Original poster
AbstractApple · 16/08/2010 12:34

Vinegar tits, there is too much to mention about her in a first post including the fact that she asks her neighbours for written times of when their children will be out playing in the garden so she doesn't hear/see them .

But I have relented that I may be making the problem worse and I will do my best to make her happy- I have my limits however- I would not like a light shining into my bedroom (hers is not directly into her bedroom I will repeat) but then I would buy a blind and use an alarm clock.

I don't know the neighbours but I have spoken to them about my lighting problem.

OP posts:
Earlybird · 16/08/2010 12:37

Would think she would be far more concerned that the area is safe from break-ins, than worrying about an indirect light.

Has she been broken into? Would think it likely if you have had so many experiences.

VinegarTits · 16/08/2010 12:38

Do you live in a suburb?

Earlybird · 16/08/2010 12:39

Also - would give her the black out blind. But, send it to her with a formal letter indicating you will have the blind fitted for her (should she desire) so there is a paper trail if she does make an official complaint.

Original poster
AbstractApple · 16/08/2010 12:39

Earlybird I have no idea.

I did not say this lady was an old witch. She was quite pleasant to begin with.

If you think this is bullshit then move along onto another thread, suits me fine.

OP posts:
belgo · 16/08/2010 12:40

YABU. I've had a light shine into my bedroom, and it was very uncomfortable even with the curtains closed.

You need to make sure it doesn't shine into her bedroom, it's a simple as that. Getting on well with your neighbours is a priority when you fear for the security of your house and it just seems like you enjoy pissing her off.

ivykaty44 · 16/08/2010 12:42

It isn't your neighbours fault that you were burgled

your neigbour has had the same habits for years - I have had habits for years - people don't always take kindly to change and when change is thrust apone them and they are told to fit in - they like it even less

noe you come along and inflict light on her habits and tell her to change her habits to suit your needs

you don't like being ranted at in the mornings by someone you have effected

can you possibly find a solution?