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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that pil have forgotten dd this weekend

32 replies

Severelypissedoff · 14/08/2010 13:47

She starts school next week.
She's their oldest grandchild- the first to go to school. No mention of it, no phonecalls of good luck yet or a visit ( not holding my breath!)
They live 40 mins away.tomorrow they're visiting their other grand daughter who lives an hour and a half away ( already been told this).
They only have 3 grand children ( my 2 and a cousin).
Feel really quite pissed off about it all actually. Not sure if I'm being petty or aibu?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 14/08/2010 13:49

It is clearly not a biggy in anyone else's life.

SeaTrek · 14/08/2010 13:51

Today, YABU, tomorrow after bedtime will be a diffent matter though.

I presume you don't live in the UK - or maybe there are schools that start mid August here?

Original poster
Severelypissedoff · 14/08/2010 13:51

Clearly....

OP posts:
deaddei · 14/08/2010 13:52

Maybe it's not a big deal to them?
Have you invited them for a visit?
Maybe they'll call later this weekend?
Think YABU.

ChippingIn · 14/08/2010 13:52

I think you are jumping the gun a bit, it's only Saturday lunchtime!

Maybe they'll call later or on the day she's starting.

Do they realise it's this week? Time goes quickly and they might not realise?

I think you are really getting yourself upset over something that hasn't happened yet or may just be an innocent mistake on their part.

twoistwiceasfun · 14/08/2010 13:52

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invisibleink · 14/08/2010 13:54

Are they elderly? If they are driving 3 hours tomorrow maybe another trip is too much for them?

Original poster
Severelypissedoff · 14/08/2010 13:55

They've been invited and have said why.

Seatrek- I think you'll find that most schools on Scotland (part of the UK) start next week....

OP posts:
tribpot · 14/08/2010 13:56

Did they say they were going to come?

paisleyleaf · 14/08/2010 13:57

Couldn't you remind them?

BadPoet · 14/08/2010 14:02

Well I think YANBU. Starting school for the first time is quite a big deal! My in-laws couldn't come when dd started but they were certainly very interested, wanted lots of photos, were straight on the phone to find out how it had gone etc.

The OP has only said she's a bit upset about it, hasn't threatened to cut them out her life or anything Hmm. I would have been surprised and upset too if the gps had shown no interest, it's a milestone.

usualsuspect · 14/08/2010 14:05

Maybe they will ring tomorrow? the day before she starts

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 14/08/2010 14:51

The most obvious explanation is that they've forgotten that the start of term is upon us (I live in Scotland, and mine go back on Tuesday).

Plus they may not realise that it is a big deal for you, and that you want them to ring and be concerned, so it would be far better to ring them and tell them this (subtly) and ask them to give your dd a ring to wish her luck than to sit there getting upset because they haven't.

If they know that you feel this is an important milestone (and it is important, I do agree), and still do nothing, then I, for one, wouldn't blame you for being upset.

If, however, they don't know you're expecting this and think it important, it's a bit unfair to get upset with them about it. Does that make sense?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 14/08/2010 14:52

Forgot to say - my parents and ILs knew when ds1 was starting school, but I doubt they knew the exact date, and when you are that age, and don't have school age children, time goes by differently, and you may well not be aware that term is about to start.

DuelingFanjo · 14/08/2010 14:54

probably not something they feel like making a fuss of. Have you mentioned it to them lately?

Fel1x · 14/08/2010 15:03

I expect they'll call sometime next week and ask how she is getting on at school rather than before she has even started. I wouldn't even think to expect a visit the weekend before ds starts on September tbh

LittleMissHissyFit · 14/08/2010 16:08

Why are you relying on them to think of inviting themselves over?

Some people aren't like that.

Give them a ring and say you want to do a 'tea' in honour of her starting big school next week.

You can't blame them for not being psychic.

Original poster
Severelypissedoff · 14/08/2010 16:57

Again, they have been invited. Choosing not to come.

OP posts:
Ilythia · 14/08/2010 17:22

Is your DD 4 or 5? Mine is starting full time school in a few weeks and I very much doubt she is anticipating a 'good luck' phone call from anyone.
And why shoudl they not visit their other grandchild, who I assume they see less of than your DC seeing as how they live so far away? It's not a competition between grandchildren.

zapostrophe · 14/08/2010 17:30

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cat64 · 14/08/2010 17:40

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tribpot · 14/08/2010 17:45

They probably genuinely haven't realised it's term time so soon, I had no real sense of this before ds started school last autumn (and no, none of his GPs visited or sent a card, although I think they did speak to him on the phone after he'd started to see how it was going).

I do understand that it's a big milestone for you, but not so much for them. I don't think they have deliberately tried to piss you off - as these are your in-laws, can your dh not have a tactful word to explain how much it means to you?

abbierhodes · 14/08/2010 17:45

Well,have they 'forgotten' (as in your OP) or 'chosen not to come' (as in your later posts)?

I think there's more to this, it's an odd thing to be upset about. Do you feel they favour the other GC often?

ChippingIn · 14/08/2010 20:29

CAT64 (and others) just to say that they are thinking of them and isn't it lovely they are big enough now to go to big school, hope they have fun etc... just one of those things that many GP's/Aunties/Friends do...

Original poster
Severelypissedoff · 14/08/2010 21:11

thanks ChippingIn.Smile

I have calmed down a wee bit from this morning but still no contact - its just the gesture and thought which would have been nice.

No favouritism between grandchildren (I hope not anyway!)

They have forgotten, they were invited a week or so ago and is mentioned frequently on the phone.

Still nothing and they're elsewhere tomorrow.
Guess its just something that means 'everything' to me - that my dd is starting school (she is 4 btw).

Thanks everyone.

OP posts: