bit mad this, I know.

[StuckInTheMiddleWithYou]

Everybody wants me to have children. My Partner, my family...(aka my mother) also a million pregant friends.

We were TTC but stopped due to money worries.

AIBU to give in to many sides of pressure, despite being dirt poor? I'd like to, but pride is stopping me. This is a head vs heart situation. Do your worst Ladies, I need your AIBU honesty!

Do YOU want to have children?

Ignore what everyone else wants. They aren't the ones who will have to live with the decision.

Yes, definitely. But I have the problem of being poor, wanting to wait til we have some cash but not wanting to wait til I am infertile.

Yes, that is the crux of the issue. Don't let money stop you if you have fertility issues, but equally don't try if you just aren't ready.

The financial side of things can usually be worked out.
It has to be about what you want all things considered.

How old are you?

How poor is dirt poor?

It's whatever you feel com
fertable with really- I think most ppl would hav liked to have had more money when they had kids but things can be juggled about.
If you don't feel right about it don't cave in. How old are you?

I am 30.

I do want children - I even dream about it. We have names and ideas on bringing them up planned. If tommorow I annouced I was pregant, everybody would be over the moon and willing to help (big Irish Catholic family).

But it still scares me. I probably sound both nuts and an ungrateful nutter at the same time!

Just be blunt Ladies.

Have a baby.

Poor, is being temporaily reliant on benfits regrading myself (JSA) and my partner being permanently reliant on ESA.

There is never the right time
There is never enough money

If you are happy and secure in yourself and also with you partner, then have a baby.

In life you never regret the things you do. Only the things you dont do.

Wait a couple of years and try to resolve your financial situation. You don't need financial pressure when you've got a new baby.

"If you are happy and secure in yourself and also with you partner, then have a baby."

Wouldn't that make us the worst kind of benefit scroungers? Not thinking if we can support a child before we have it?

Don't get me wrong, my heart says "yes! yes!" and any child would be loved by a large, extended old fashioned family. We have allotments we've held since WW2 with "for the bairns" patches. That sounds petty but it's that kind of stuff that has held us together. The reason I mention this stuff is to illustrate the non-fiancial benefits my children would have. However, do they outweigh waiting for my career to take-off, which it hopefully will do, vey soon,

*very soon, sorry!

i'd just do it - if that's what you want - just stop using contraception and wait!
babies don't need to cost a lot - i got most stuff second hand even second time around when i was better off - if you're lucky enough to be able to breastfed then the first 6 months you provide all the food needed for free, so really nappies are the expensive bit as you normally find people pass on baby clothes happily good luck x

If you were the worst type of benefit scroungers you wouldn't be on a parenting forum discussing the issue in the first place.

I did ask how poor was dirt poor because you didn't give any details about income or employement.

If you truly think that your career is about to take off then sure you may want to wait a few years. I was married for 5 years and had been working for 8 before I had my first child.

Two years ago I would have said exactly what atswim said, but since having DD whilst being on benefits due to DH losing job and me only qualifiying for Maternity Allowance as I had not worked long enough for my employer I can safely say just go for it. Babies and children do take lots of financial resources and it may be difficult, but if you leave it and are still not financially secure in three years time and then cannot conceive it will be even harder on you. You can do it on a budget if you buy second hand cot/buggy etc..., buy baby clothes from asda/tesco/primark (they will not mind what they are dressed in!) and shop wisely for food.

The problem is, I'm the first member of my family to ever finish secondary school, never mind go to university. Everybody in my family either works for the family firm (construction) or has got a related tread (electricin, plasterer or if female bookkeeper or extra job in a shop) I have a uni education but have not made anything of it yet. However, I write stuff and am going to publish soon, on an amauteur scale. If I have children this will disrupted.

I have never confessed any of this to anybody before, ever.

Everybody thinks I'm just poised to be the ideal woman, best selling novellist, organic mother and cash cow all rolled into one.

Help.

and I promise that my written work has better grammer than that displayed above! Sorry Ladies!

Buying second hand does not trouble me, paying the rent/mortage does.

Chriest that makes me sound like a money grabbing cow.

This going to sound so pretentious, so silly and contrived, but do I follow my Mama and GrandMama or follow what my Dad says, and write my what outa here?

Yes, I sound like a teenager.

Food worried are taken care of it you have an allotment. If money is an issue then I can bet it is not half as bad as waiting then realising you need to pay £3800 per ivf cycle if you have trouble later ttc. If you cross the age limit for free treatment that would be the only way to get it is paying.

I would say do what you and your partner want. I dont think it is fair that your family are so insistent on when you have a child. Im going through hell with ivf and its not fun when people keep going on about it.

I am sure it is bloody hard LilQueenie. I genuinely wish you all the luck in the world. Life draws us a harsh hand sometimes. I hope that no matter what your draw finnaly turns out to be, it is a happy one.

Thank you, x

Good luck with the writing, Stuck- I wish you all the best x

I think worrying about how you'll cope financially is natural and something everyone does before they have children. When I was pregnant I worried constantly about how I'd manage on smp but I'm managing. Your priorities change so much when you have a child, what I viewed as being poor before is different to what I'd call poor now. Another thing to remember is that your spending changes too, for example I spend much less on petrol now I'm not driving to and from work everyday. You probably won't need to buy many toys or clothes as families can't seem to resist buying things for babies!

Yanbu for worrying, I was really broody for a long time before I took the plunge but I've never regretted having my ds.