What sort of stuff would you expect a 10yo to do for themselves?

[Pioneer]

I am only asking as when on holiday last week I asked 10yo DSD to strip the sheets off her single bed, as the holiday place (centerparcs) ask you to do it. She looked at me as if I had two heads! I ended up helping her as I thought it might have been a bit difficult to do on her own.
Was I BU to ask?
It just got me thinking that she doesn't really do anything for herself - what sort of stuff should she be doing at that age?

My vile ex once told me that it was well-known that the trick was to share with girls at Uni as they'd eventually give in and wash your stuff and clean after you.

hope he met you along the way ravenAK

Freaky! I was gearing up to start the exact same thread about 9 YO DD1

It's not so much what should she be doing as she can change her bed, do the dishwasher, water the flower pots, make a sarnie etc, but I really wanted to know how much personal responsibility should we expect her to have?

By that I mean what should we be expecting her to do without us hassling her twenty times to do it?

For example, she has asthma and takes a preventer inhaler morning and night. She's had to take it for years so knows it has to be done.

The problem with this example is that if we leave her to remember, she wouldn't take it, and because she has to take it we have to prompt her, but because we're prompting her she never learns to do it herself, like a viscious circle.

Hope you don't mind a hijack OP how have other people got across the micromanaging stage to independence? Does it just come in time with you reminding them, or do you just have to cut them free and they'll learn for themselves? Cutting her free though is difficult with the inhaler as it'd involve her health.

this still goes on MdS I know a 19 year old with similar outlook

Fab !! I thought I'd get a flaming for what I thought was reasonable :)

I'm glad that I'm not about to sound as though I'm one step from sending my dts up a chimney with a brush.

My two run their own bath, strip and make their beds, hoover, tidy up, help out with other chores.

I just don't want to raise a pair of god-awful useless, molly-coddled boys.

I'm embarrassed to say I don't think DD1 (just turned 11) has ever changed her own bedding

She does do a few chores: puts own clothes away, tidies her room (kind of and after lots of nagging(me)/yelling(me and her)), hoovers the downstairs, gets her own breakfast and drinks and snacks, hangs up and takes down laundry, pops to the shop for milk etc.

We are going on holiday tomorrow; I think I will make it my mission to teach her to change her own bedding while away

the rule of thumb that i use is: by the time they hit 13, they need to be able to do what theyd need to do should they leave home that day. my DD's [16, 16 and 13] all tidy and clean their own rooms, help with the washing, do all their own ironing, hoover, cook at least once a week [except 13 yr old], take dog for walks....just various chores really.

i hear of so many families where:

the mum is always the one cooking. always. even with a fully capable male and teenagers in the house.

mums who pick up clothes off the floor, hoover or tidy rooms and strip bedding of TEENAGERS.

children and teens who have every meal made for them, including breakfast and lunch. i would never expect to have to make a child their breakfast after they were old enough to pour the milk on their weetabix themselves! if we're having a fry up DH does it because his fry ups are the buisness.

children who have food brought TO them. like snacks. and parents who make snacks for their kids.

[you can tell him horribly unforgiving to mums who wait hand and foot on their children, 13 year old DD told me the other day that her best friends mum tidies her room for her! this a a perfectly capable active child...]

I have a 10yo dd.

She can certainly strip a bed - in fact she is a pro at replacing a single duvet, and can make up her own bed. She showers on her own, including washing and conditioning her hair, and just this week has learned to care for her own earrings, taking them in and out (after piercing 6 weeks ago) and has been meticulous in cleaning them.

She can cook pasta/rice/noodles on the cooker, including draining them of hot water, make cups of tea and coffee, make toast, chop veggies, bake biscuits (with a bit of help re: the oven), boil potatoes and makes a mean chicken pie (with ready made pastry) !! SHe can microwave anything that requires it.

She can hoover, dust, clean the sink and bath (I don't let anyone else do the loo!), puts away the shopping, folds and puts away her own laundry, and I am teaching her to iron.

I am now in the process of replicating these skills with my 8yo ds, and will then start with dd2!!

Children are capable. Dh calls ours "junior slaves" when he wants help emptying the car etc (dd1 has been promoted recently to "senior slave").

I think by the time I was 10 my mum had stopped doing any housework, except for cooking. My sister would have been 15 and my brother 13. Between the 3 of us we did the lot and got pocket money in return.

Sort a dark and light colored wash
stack and empty dishwasher
Make their bed
clean a bathroom
make a simple tea.
Hoover their bedroom, stairs and living room
Make me a brew
Pack their bags for camp.
Chop the fire wood

Both boys have been doing all this plus other things I can't think of since they were about 9.( some even earlier)

They may sometimes, it has to be said, need promting about what I do expect from them and I do on occasion get some eyeball rolling!!

Now some of you are becoming quite unreasonable IMHO.

Ironing is something which I don't even permit myself to do!

But the ironing thread has been done a gazillion times

AgentZigZag - although not taking her preventer does have it's own natural consequence, it's not immediate enough to use as a reminder or consequence. As she's been taking it for a long time and knows she needs to do it, I would give tell her that you are not going to remind her anymore, it's her responsibility and stress that before she is allowed to have/do more grown up things she will need to prove herself responsible and this is one way she can do that.

See how that goes.

If it doesn't work - tell her that everytime you have to remind her to do it, x will happen (earlier to bed, less screen time, no playing on wii - whatever works at your house!!).

Why is this linked to the Government cuts thread in Discussions of the day? Or is that just me?

So it is.

If you want to find out what Big Government is doing then click on this thread:

"What sort of stuff would you expect a 10yo to do for themselves?"

Most fitting

Well, it never occurred to me to ask them to strip a bed, but they made them every morning since they were 5 or so.
At 10 they could make simple meals, vacuum, (their own rooms)clean their rooms, put their clean laundry away, load dishwasher or do dishes, and many small household chores I may ask help with, such as polishing glass and furniture. It is a good idea to teach your sd to pick up after herself.
Good luck.

Purely out of interest, when did you start with all of this?

DS is just 6 and

• makes his bed daily (badly!) opens the blinds he can reach
• showers himself including hair wash
• gets his own milk and for his sisters
• brings his plates from the table to the dishwasher (but doesn't put it in)
• tidies up from time to time

Is this enough? I strip the beds and remake them while he is at school, I also hoover his room.
When do you introduce cooking etc?

Pioneer - did you snatch my daughter?
LOL
She can make toast, unloads dw, tidies her own crap away (much nagging) make a cup of tea but is laaaaaaaaaaaaaZY

I just have to say that DS1 could do all of these things aged 10, make cups of tea, collect washing, strip bed and even help me make it up again!!! He would pop to the local shop for me on his bike (corner shop, no busy roads to cross!). He is much less reliable now aged nearly 13!! I'm hoping it's the hormones, it's not that he is just reluctant, just that the ordering of events seems sometimes to be beyond him! I think it's so important to teach them early, especially as many kids go through an incompetent stage in early teens - according to friends, mine is not alone!! Good luck and patience.

- DH has just brought DSD her breakfast through to her in the living room, after letting her sleep until 9am.....grrrrrrr!

I do like what Lutyens said upthread about having your whole adulthood to do boring things.
At 11 I could change the bedding, do the dishes, make a cup of tea (and had to endlessly as my parents are tea fiends), rake the lawn, do the dishes, iron my school uniform, hoover, polish, make snacks, clean hamster cage and I was self caring in the hygiene department.

My DD could make toast, get herself cereal or a drink of milk/juice/water when she was 2, no trouble.

She is now 4 and changes her bed, and mine with supervision - she likes crawling inside the duvet covers.

She does the dusting, helps with vaccuuming, sorts clothes for washing, empties washing machine, hangs clothes on radiators for drying. She washes and chops veg, mixes and whisks cakes or batters, wipes down surfaces, lays the table and washes up small plates and bowls.

Stripping a bed is easy, I'd expect a 10 year old to be able to do it, making it (as in putting clean sheets on) more difficult. I'd accept that some children might need to be shown. I can remember crawling inside the duvet cover with the duvet before i learnt the inside out trick . I recently had to teach a friend (female age 30) this at a hen weekend when we stayed in a youth hostel.

Making beds, as in making them look tidy after you get up, is not something I bother with and not something I encourage. I was pleased to have these choices validated by this study

about the personal hygiene thing Goth brought up, can I ask: at what age did your dc cut their own fingernails?

I think I was definitely sorting out my own finger and toenails by 10. Probably started at around 7 or 8 IIRC.