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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What sort of stuff would you expect a 10yo to do for themselves?

76 replies

Pioneer · 13/08/2010 20:10

I am only asking as when on holiday last week I asked 10yo DSD to strip the sheets off her single bed, as the holiday place (centerparcs) ask you to do it. She looked at me as if I had two heads! I ended up helping her as I thought it might have been a bit difficult to do on her own.
Was I BU to ask?
It just got me thinking that she doesn't really do anything for herself - what sort of stuff should she be doing at that age?

OP posts:

LilyBolero · 13/08/2010 20:50

Don't know what they 'should' be able to do, but dd who is just 7 can and does;
hoover
empty and load washing machine (I put it on though)
put her own clean clothes away
cook various meals (porridge, beans on toast, make tea for the other children etc out of cold ingredients, ie sandwiches etc)
clean hamster
tidy room

Minxie1977 · 13/08/2010 20:56

SGM - abusive/neglect -

Should we parade those words about on a bed changing thread!?!

My 10 month old loves dusting - too much?

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/08/2010 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiladyDeSummer · 13/08/2010 21:06

My parents thought that acting as unpaid servants was a gift to me. It was free after all unlike the piano lessons they went without food for.

Each of them had been responsible for several younger siblings from an early age.

My Dad was an evacuee and had to earn his keep at the age of three and my Mum used to have to clean around her Dad and brother as they relaxed

So I wouldn't say it was abusive or neglectful. They meant well

dilemma456 · 13/08/2010 21:08

DD (4) strips her bed on request, helps remake it, puts clothes away, makes (very chunky) salad, helps with mopping and sweeping and can sort out her own breakfast in the morning though I normally do it for her if I can

MiladyDeSummer · 13/08/2010 21:08

Just to add, I do see your point and note that you said borderline, SGM. I agree that it isn't helpful which is why I am raising my children differently. Was just explaining how it was in my family.

Sibble · 13/08/2010 21:09

My ds aged 10 does very little but that's because I find it quicker and easier to do it myself however he does look after the sheep (moves paddocks, checks for fly strike etc) looks after the chickens, packs the car, keeps his bedroom tidy. He is capable when pushed to hoover, wash up, make breakfast and lunch, hot chocolate (using microwave), bake and help make easy meals. He would be more than capable or stripping and making his bed.

Having read this I think I need to get him doing more

stegasaurus · 13/08/2010 21:09

At the age of 10 I was expected to strip and remake my own bed, wash up occasionally, load and unload the dishwasher, feed the cats, hoover sometimes, put my laundry in the wash basket, iron some clothes and put away my clothes, make breakfast, make a sandwich, entertain my baby brother for a little bit while my parents got on with something in another room, go to the village shops and buy a couple of things. That kind of thing. I don't feel that my parents expected too much of me by asking us to do all that, although I probably did think so at the time!

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/08/2010 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loopyloops · 13/08/2010 21:34

lol: "while my parents got on with something in another room" !

LutyensCBA · 13/08/2010 21:35

My mum wouldn't encourage us to do much around the house. Her logic was that we have a lifetime as adults to do boring chores and we don't need to start so early. Having said that, we did know how to do basic tasks like strip beds, make a sandwich, iron, hoover etc., we just didn't have to do it on a daily (or even weekly) basis.

DD is just 4, but she already strips her own bed, changes her clothes (as long as I've laid them out), puts on her own socks and shoes, helps me load/unload washing machine, and watches me cook (I don't let her help though). She doesn't have to do any of these chores, but she knows how it's done as and when she needs that skill.

BigHairyLeggedSpider · 13/08/2010 21:43

Pioneer I understand what you mean with her being your DSD. I have a 10yo DSs and I don't know whether I've got higher expectations of him than his parents, or whether he's just bone idle at our house, but I expect him to get his own juice, pick up his own shoes, find his own DS charger etc, but he expects to be waited on, and I'm not sure how much to push back on him.

I am refusing to get him a drink every time he wants one, telling him where the juice is and to get it himself, but he prefers to go thirsty! He says that it's our job to get him what he wants. I'm like errrrmmm... no sunshine! It's not! I don't want him to grow up to be a burden on some poor lass who goes out with him, but I'm not sure how much I can push back on him,and how much is because I'm a stepparent or whether he'd do the same to his mum.

I need to talk to his mum don't I!

MiladyDeSummer · 13/08/2010 21:48

Quite right SGM.

I still remember friends of my parents telling a funny story about their DD who was the same age as me (17) getting her clothes soaked when she decided to give the shower a quick rinse.

My only thought was - showers need cleaning? But they're showers!

I also thought lavatories cleaned themselves with the flush but then I'm not a skid-leaver. I had to own a loo to find out that they start to get a bit dingy after a while.

teameric · 13/08/2010 21:56

Ingles2 do we have the same son?! actually my DS is 11 and the common sense gene is very very slowly staring to kick in.
He comes home tomorrow from a week long adventure summer camp holiday (kids only, no parents allowed) I'm half expecting him to come back in the same pants he went in......

mybootsaremuddy · 13/08/2010 22:05

DD 10 and DS1 8 can both unsupervised:
Strip and make their beds
Peel and chop veg
unload washing machine/hang up washing
load/unload dishwasher
dust/vacume/mop
Make a cup of tea/coffee/hot choc
Run their own bath/shower
Change DS2(3mth) nappy
Muck out their ponies and rabbits
Walk to shop for supplies(dd on own, ds if dd goes with him)

With a bit of guidance/supervision both enjoy:
cooking a meal/baking
Tinkering with the car/tractor/other farm vehicles
Any other help needed around the farm/house both will muck in and try their hand at it. They enjoy being able to lend a hand and be 'grow up' especialy where the farm stuff is concerned and know that their help is much apreciated by me dh and our farm hands. They have helping with the harvest this week which they are both throughly enjoying.

I am in no way a slave driver but i do expect them to help out and Ive made a point of bringing up my dcs to be indipendant and to always try before giving up at the first hurdle. I feel the younger they learn vital 'life skills' the better. I find it shocking when dcs bring friends home who dont do a single thing at home or indeed even know how to butter bread.

MiladyDeSummer · 13/08/2010 22:10

Is anyone old enough to remember being sent to the shop for fags? My best friend used to get them for his Dad in the '70s.

Not sure about alcohol. He probably was allowed to buy it but what parent would trust a child with an expensive glass bottle?

carebear321 · 13/08/2010 22:13

my 6 year old tries to make his bed, he can also make sandwiches, toast ( supervised), he vacuums where he has easy access, sweeps the floor, load the washing machine, puts his shoes/clothes/books/toys where they belong, helps himself to snacks for himself and younger DS (2.5 yrs old), if they're hungry.
He is 6 so does need to be asked or reminded sometimes.
Younger DS can also load up the washing machine, without being asked ( he only puts clean clothes and his toys in it though!)

LimaCharlie · 13/08/2010 22:22

Obviously very different here - DS - 11 is autistic and was obsessed with cleaning from as soon as he could walk - so he can dust, hoover, empty and re-load the dishwasher, keep his room tidy, change his bed, put a load of washing on, hang it out, fold up and put away.

He can prepare a basic meal - risotto; pasta; shepherds pie or bake cakes and biscuits.

He also (with supervision) mows the lawn, puts out the recycling and cleans my car. When we got some new furniture for his bedroom he wanted to help put it together and did a really good job. In the winter he goes to check on elderly neighbours and collects their shopping lists; sweeps their drives and puts out their bins.

All voluntary I hasten to add - he has asked to do it and I have helped him to do it, if he enjoyed doing it then he's done it again if he's felt like it.

DD 6yo on the other hand is dreamy, lazy and messy and doesn't want to do much - I don't make her do jobs as such but I do make her pick up her things that she's left strewn around.

minimathsmouse · 13/08/2010 22:29

I wasn't allowed to help with any chores as a child. My mother seemed to find it easier to do everything herself. When I left home I had never as much as changed a bed.

I learnt very quickly and I don't feel that 10 years in training would have made the slightest difference. You learn skills as and when you need them.

My son's have a few small tasks that I set them, but my main concern is schooling, so whilst learning to load a washing machine will be useful, I won't make the assumption that dusting will be. Boiling the kettle is a must, cooking, folding clothes and being tidy. I do this because I think it teaches them how to share responsibilities and in some small way how to appreciate everything else that is done for them.

cornsilk1010 · 13/08/2010 22:31

my dh has nver changed our bed
If they are a nice person that's enough fornow as far as I'm concerned.

cornsilk1010 · 13/08/2010 22:32

I was never 'taught' life skills - I picked them up for myself when I had to. It's not rocket science.

ravenAK · 13/08/2010 22:44

I learnt to cook as an 18 year old student, from a flatmate who'd grown up cooking enormous veggie feasts - I was in awe of her!

Despite school cookery lessons, I'd just never mastered the everyday 'feeding lots of people cheaply & efficiently' stuff; my dad can't/won't cook & my mother basically went on strike in the early '80s, filled the freezer with boil in the bag curries & left us all to it.

I'm determined my dc will pick up life skills, because otherwise someday they'll be off to University as everyone's least favourite flatmate. At least I was willing to learn - we also shared with a lad who finally took his turn at cleaning the bathroom when we barricaded him in it for 3 hours...

cornsilk1010 · 13/08/2010 22:51

willing to learn is the key

bluejeans · 13/08/2010 22:53

Very glad to have seen this thread! I'm with Harryan reading this thread has made me realise I'm way too soft with DD!

DNiece is staying with us tonight and we went to the supermarket earlier. On getting back to the car with our shopping, DD was making herself comfortable in the car , while DNiece helped put the bags in the boot and then zoomed off with the trolley. I do need to get DD trained!

I've also decided that (thanks to this thread) when DD goes back to school next week she can make her own pack lunch! I hate, hate, hate making sandwiches - should've got her doing it ages ago

ravenAK · 13/08/2010 22:55

Exactly - & the pre-teen stage is a great window of opportunity when they are willing, or at least cheaply bribe-able!

I vividly remember feeling horribly embarrassed that it was my turn to cook & I had no bloody idea where to start. I'd prefer my own kids not to experience that.

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