Some people call their MILs "Mum"?

[Odysseus]

Do you? Is this the norm?!

My ILs sign cards as M+D, which stands for both Mum and Dad and thier actual names. I think DP is angling for me to call them Mum and Dad, but it would feel odd. I do love them to bits though- they rule.

I sent MIL a long email on mother's day this year, basically saying that she is kind of a second mum to me, it was quite emotional as it was her first mother's day without her younger son, so DP is now kind of an only child, so my position of daughter in law is even more important, if that doesn't sound big headed. I had planned to be with her on mother's day, but my Grandad got ill so I stayed with my family instead.

When DH and I were first married I think MIL expected me to, she started signing my birthday cards etc "mum and dad". But I have never called them that as it would feel very strange!

I have a few friends who call their MILs mum though.

Actually I did used to call DH's nan 'nan' but I thought the world of her and don't have any surviving grandparents myself so there wasn't the same 'weird factor'.

No way is this the norm.

My pil did say they'd like me to call them mum and dad but I was so uncomfortable. And it felt weird - if I referred to them as mum and dad, then I'd married my brother, surely? Semantics perhaps but it is weird imo.

My mum would be really p*ssed off if I called anyone but her "mum". She's of the view that she worked bloody hard for that title and it's not one she's willing to share!

As a matter of politeness and cultural acceptance, I call my MIL the equivalent to mum, but in their language. Though I really hate it!!!! I only have one mum.

We are South African and both DH and I call each other mum's mum (or mom as we say). It is the norm there, it would be seen as unusual to call your PIL's by their first names, although it happens.

My mum is mum! No way could I call mil mum, as she isnt my mum and not remotely maternal.

Mil is called by her first name. Dh calls my mum by her first name.
fil and step mil, I also call by their first names. There would be more chance of me calling step mil mum now I think about it.

I distinguish between the grandmothers by using grandma and gran when chatting to dc.

My husband does.

It is considered (in his culture) a mark of respect and to call them by their first names would be, to him, an insult.

OMG No! Partly because MIL is barely old enough to be my mum (she was 16, nearly 17 when I was born!) - but that's a whole other thread! Like bran I don't really call her anything but if I had to address her I'd use her first name.

My mum used to call my dad's mum 'Mum' but he was the 4th son and it was a sort of family tradition - definitley not my mum's idea!

Use first names here although it felt almost disrepectful at first as in-laws about 20yrs older than my parents. For a while FIL tried to call me daughter, birthday cards etc to dear daughter but I found it quite weird to be honest. My parents raised me I am their daughter, surely if you get on well enough then daughter in law is a good enough title?

I call my PIL mum and dad, because that is what they wanted. I love them very much and didn't want to disrespect their desires, even though it was hard. Even though I didn't call my own mother 'mum' it was still hard to call another woman 'mum'. However, they would have been very offended if I'd called them by their first names.

For the first few years of our marriage I didn't actually call them anything , but then when I realised how important it was to them, I made the effort.

I call MIL by her name, because it would feel funny to call someone else mum, but call GMIL 'granny' as a sign of respect and because I love her like my own grandmother.

My mam and dad both call their MILs mam

My Mum always called my Dad's mother "Ma", same as Dad did, and he called her mother "Mama" same as Mum did. I remember thinking even as a child that it was really nice and made the family feel close and cozy and like there were no different "sides". I loved knowing that both my parents loved both my Grandmas.

I really love my MIL too, and I think I would call her Mum, except that my own Mum has died (long before I met dh) and I just can't bring myself to do it. If he called her something else, even Mom or Mam, I probably could, but I can't call someone else Mum.

I think she would like me to, but I also think she understands.

I call DP's Mum and Dad by their first names, although it has taken me a long time to do this (many years together, a trial separation, back together and only now can I bring myself to call them by their first names!). Bran, I totally understand what you mean... I couldn't call them Mr and Mrs Whatever, as was too formal, nor could I call them, say, Mary and John, as it felt too familiar!

We do address cards to 'Mum and Dad' or 'Mammy and Daddy', signed by both of us though (depending on whose folks it is).

Hmm, and actually, both my sister and I have friends who call our mum 'Mammy', but I think that is because they feel very close to her. She loves it, but would probably hate us calling anyone else Mammy or Mum.

I thought it was the norm, but I guess that is just because I am from a south african (diaspora) community. I was actually very pleased that dh called his dps by their first names so that I could do the same without any angst.

I call my MIL and FIL by their first names. It feels right. However it makes me smile when MIL says "now where's your dad" or some such in front of just me. Makes me feel like I am an honorary daughter. We have known each other over twenty five years so perhaps it is not surprising. We do get on well, I love her to bits.

When I first got engaged to dh -

my MIL rang up (who I didn't know very well) and said 'hello it's mum' I replied 'I think you've got the wrong number' thinking this is not my mum?

She said 'no, it's mum' I replied 'no I think you have the wrong number'

problem solved - she now refers to herself by her first name!

My dh calls my mother mom, but I call his by her first name. She never ever told me what to call her, I called her "Mrs. MIL" until our mutual hairdresser got on my case about it.(she pointed out how off it will be for our son when he was old enough to think about it) I have always felt a bit insecure about not being invited to call her Mom or even to use her first name.

I think my MIL woul dlove me to call her mum, but I don't, as I have my own mum and it sounds odd to me. She signs cards Mum and Dad F (first initial of surname), but I've always just called them by their first names. We've never actually discussed it, but I think DH would think it was odd if I started calling his parents Mum and Dad.

If you do it, does it work the other way round too, ie DH calls your parents M&D too? Does that not get confusing?

Aside from other cultural norms, in my own Northern English culture, it's just plain weird. And the thought of calling my MIL "mum" makes me shudder and do a bit of sick in my mouth. Wrongity wrong wrong.

LOL at "do a bit of sick in my mouth" - know how you feel though!

I call my ILs by their first names.

My MIL is potty, though. She calls herself, me, her own mother (dead) AND my mother Mum. It's quite confusing at times.

As some one else said, maybe a generation thing?
My mum used to call her MIL, Mum. My dad also called his MIL, Mum, and FIL, Dad,

as do my Aunts and uncles on both sides refer to their In laws as mum and dad.

My MIL is refered to as either, her first name, your mother, (as in your mother rang)or Nanna