to not want 81 year old MIL to drive my baby and pre-schooler around?

[KellyGarrett]

My 81 year old MIL wants to take the kids out on drives to see the kids in her car.

She has not been an accident or anything but at 81 her reactions are slow and she is not as sharp as she used to be.

My husband is not supporting my views and I am feeling kind of frustrated here. I does not seem right to me for someone this old to be responsible for keeping my babies safe in a moving vehicle.

Very interested to hear the views of others on this.

I think people 75+ should sit a review test too.

Was thinking more on this, and I am not so against ageism. It is part of societies everywhere, in ours for instance you can not have a driving license if you are too young and no one complains about this.

I am sure there exist some excellent 14 year old drivers in the world but we have collectively agreed not to let them drive and we all accept this.

Equally life insurance and mortgage options are not going to be the same for the elderly and this is because of the very nature of advanced age.

What if my MIL was 91 would people feel the same? If she was 71 I would be happy to let her drive.

Should an 81 year old be allowed to fly an airplane? Is this significantly different then say driving on a motorway?

Also I find it interesting that people are equating not being able to drive with being 'useless" etc.

I know people with one eye and other conditions who have chosen not to drive and they are certainly not useless.

Why can't you offer to drive if its an issue?

Mabey people over a certain age should tae a review test and if they pass it than obviously they should be able to drive.

YANBU at all. I had the same problem with a family member of mine.

I think that is what the airline industry does, as you get older you have to be tested more frequently and what you can do becomes more restricted.

older driver advice this is interesting

this is rather more damning:

Facts about driving and aging

Everyone ages differently, so some people can continue to drive into their seventies, eighties, and even beyond while others cannot or should not. However, the statistics on older adults and driving can be sobering.

Older adults and accidents

Statistics show that the elderly are more likely than other drivers to receive traffic citations for failing to yield, turning improperly, and running red lights and stop signs?all indications of decreased driving ability. It is a fact that older adults are at higher risk for road accidents than other age groups. Older drivers are more likely to get into multiple-vehicle accidents than younger people do, and the accidents are more dangerous for them than for younger drivers. A person 65 or older who is involved in a car accident is more likely to be seriously hurt, more likely to require hospitalization, and more likely to die than younger people involved in the same crash. Truth is, fatal crash rates rise sharply after a driver has reached the age of 70.

from: www.helpguide.org/elder/senior_citizen_driving.htm

her reactions are slow this is the bit that make's me think it's not a good idea, regardless of her age.

My Anutie who is in her late 60's reactions are slow and I have never allowed her to drive DD around. I don't trust she'd be able to react in dangrous situation quikly enough. I don't think it's age so much but driving ablility. I also wounldn't let SIL drive DD either she's had to many speeding fines, to the point where she's almost lost her liecence, for me to trust her to be sensable with DD in the car and she's only 31.

OP - YANBU and I can sympathise as I'm having the same problem too at the moment. In-laws want to take DD1 out and I'm doing everything I can to avoid it. FIL is 82 MIL is 77 and they are not good drivers. MIL keeps pushing me all the time about it to the point that I'm going to have to spell it out unfortunately. She knows I'm not keen but cos precious son doesn't seem to think it's an issue, she won't let it go.
It's going to cause upset in the end but no way am I going to compromise my child's safety just to keep them happy.
Trust your instincts.

I don't think that age alone should be a deciding factor.

BUT

I am very precious about who I let drive my DDs. A friend of mine aged 28 is not allowed to because I think she's dangerous. So I appreciate your concerns!

My dad ran his car into a tree at age 69.

On a sunny day in the middle of the afternoon.

YANBU

My mum and her partner are 66 & 71. both are fit and active, go skiing regularly, drive safely. FIL was a nightmare in the car and we eventually sold it for him when he was 78 as he couldnt cope with traffic.

YANBU but dont just look at age - take into account your MILs health and general wellbeing

These comments about older people arent ageist.

Statistics show that teenagers and the elderly are the most likely to have accidents. All older people's reactions are slower however hale and hearty they seem and studies have shown that this affects their ability to react and also interestingly their ability to merge into traffic.

Well I think YANBU not because of her age, but because you said her reactions are slow and she is not as sharp as she used to be.

In regards to taking tests again I think everyone should re-take tests on a regular basis (every 1/2 years at first, then every 5 or 10 years after the first few years, then once a person reaches a certain age every year or two again) and a licence should expire before the next test is due. It would take a lot of cars off the road. Well that would be the plan, but there would be some driving without a licence, which I would imagine there are some anyway.

One thing I dont like is seeing people get out of a car and they look so frail they can hardly walk. I often wonder why some of these people are still driving.

Someone I once worked with said her dad's optition said to him if it was up to him he would tell the dad to stop driving. Dad's reaction was "good job its not you who tells me to drive or not"