Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to feel deeply hurt by my family?

31 replies

livingthehighlife · 11/08/2010 15:44

My sister lives about 100 miles away and we don't see her very often, but we are quite close.
She's getting married on Saturday. Its supposed to be a 6-person ceremony because they have very little money. In order to prevent any hurt/anger/arguments they kept every member of either family out of it so its friends doing the witness thing.
She asked me to come help my dad watch her daughter overnight as they are going for a meal afterwards and staying in the hotel for the night with the 4 friends.

On her hen weekend a few weeks back i forgot about the secrecy of the wedding and put a comment on my FB about "dinner and boogie tonight for sisters hen", which some of the grooms family saw. They then told the grooms family, who were all happy for them.

Now she's telling me that they have invited about 12 of thier friends and all of the grooms sisters and his parents to have drinks with them in the evening of the wedding, after the meal etc. My parents, my brother, nor I have had this invitation extended to us, but she still expects me and my dad to come down and sit and watch all this going on whilst they all go off and celebrate the wedding.

Now i know its ultimately up to her who she has at her wedding, but i can't help but feel incredibly used, particularly because my parents and i have very much helped financially towards this wedding.

Then to top it all off my dad said to me today that i only have myself to blame because i put my sister into an awkward position where she had to tell people about her wedding...ok fair enough, but i didn't put her in a position where she had to invite her mates and in-laws and exclude her own family :(

AIBU to be very hurt by this?

OP posts:

goatbusters · 11/08/2010 15:50

Are they assuming that as you are close family you will be going for drinks in the evening anyway?

Maybe as you're part of the procedings, they don't feel you need a formal invite.

The people they have invited, they probably felt they had to invite so they didn't get offended after someone (cough :o) accidently let the cat out of the bag (which is too easy to do!)

anonacfr · 11/08/2010 15:51

Quite frankly it seems rather unfair.
Now that she's invited the groom's immediate family it seems rather absurd that your side of the family is not 'allowed'.

I don't get the Facebook thing- had they actually kept the wedding hidden from the groom's parents? They told your parents but were going to call her ILs the following day to tell them? That would have been way worse than letting them know in advance but mentioning that money was an issue hence the friends only thing.

Now that the secret is out and groom's family is invited you guys should be as well. If money is indeed such an issue she could easily be upfront about it (if we're taking closest friends and siblings) and I'm sure everyone would be happy to pay for their own drinks!
Sounds like she's set her mind on you and your father being the babysitters to me....

GeekOfTheWeek · 11/08/2010 15:55

Perhaps she felt she had to invite grooms family after you slipped up?

FellatioNelson · 11/08/2010 15:57

Oh dear. The main moral of the story is not to feel the need to tell everything to FaceBook.

compo · 11/08/2010 16:14

If I were her I'd be really pissed off with you for broadcasting her secret in facebook

Original poster

livingthehighlife · 11/08/2010 16:15

Yes the Facebook thing was a complete slip up on my part and i accept that. But does that really constitute not being invited (nor my parents, who had no part) whenever they said themselves it was a genuine mistake and "no big deal"?

Anonacfr - they had originally told the grooms parents but asked them to keep it quiet. After the FB thing they told his sisters and friends.

Goatbusters - no i'm 100% that myself nor my parents are anticipated to be there. We are merely there to babysit her daughter back at her house while they go celebrate thier wedding with the in-laws and their friends

OP posts:

FellatioNelson · 11/08/2010 16:24

What I don't get is someone that wants a tiny tiny cheap and low-key wedding with only six people - but has a hen night.

tokyonambu · 11/08/2010 16:25

Yet again Facebook adds to the sum of human happiness.

Heracles · 11/08/2010 16:27

Mmm, you kinda triggered this yourself, though, didn't you?

FellatioNelson · 11/08/2010 16:28

She's obviously really furious with you and this is her way of letting you know. Harsh maybe, but there we are.

diddl · 11/08/2010 16:28

Actually if I wasn´t intending to invite you, I certainly wouldn´t then change my mind & invite you after you blabbed on FB!

CouldOfWouldOfShouldOf · 11/08/2010 16:33

I sgree with Diddl

God I hate FB. People have to tell everyone everything about their own lives, and that of others, even if it is a secret.

I'd be so annoyed at you that I wouldn't invite you either.

Original poster

livingthehighlife · 11/08/2010 16:33

Ok fair enough..i get flamed for the FB thing. But can i point out that i was NEVER invited to the wedding, even before the FB thing.
Nor were my parents...yet the grooms parents were always attending the hotel for drinks that evening.

OP posts:

FellatioNelson · 11/08/2010 16:37

OK, that's a bit off. Fair dos.

anonacfr · 11/08/2010 16:44

The whole thing is off! You're effectively the free babysitter in this story. His parents are invited for drinks/meal and your dad and you are there to look after her son???

And I'm with FN- she had a hen night? That included people who weren't invited to the wedding but presumably paid to take her out- it does sound like she's taking the piss to me.

Even if she was 'punishing' you for the FB slip up, why punish the rest of your family? I'd just refuse to babysit if I were you- she was taking advantage of you in the first place.

bleedingheart · 11/08/2010 16:47

No need to punish your parents even if she's mad with you.

A hen night doesn't fit in with a small wedding.

YANBU

Original poster

livingthehighlife · 11/08/2010 16:50

Well i have made the decision that i won't be taking the 4 days off work that she asked and going to babysit for her child whilst this happens.
Obviously i can't speak for my father, he has gone down today for a week and is happy to be her skivvy between now and then.
But i know she will fall out with me over this and my dad has expressed his discontent at my decision already.

My dad and i have issues anywya..i'm his carer and he mopes about while he's at home, says he has nothing to live for up here. But when he goes to visit her he's like a reformed teenager living it up and that hurts me too. Becuase i do so much for him. I KNOW he's hurt by all of this but basically he's afriad to open his mouth incase my sister falls out with him and he no longer has his weekend getaway to go to

OP posts:

diddl · 11/08/2010 16:52

I do think it´s awful to now invite grooms family & not her own.

However, I guess she doesn´t want to lose her babysitters, so figures it´s as easy not invite none of her family.

FellatioNelson · 11/08/2010 16:52

Whoah there! You are your Dad's carer - but he is off to babysit a small child for four days?

diddl · 11/08/2010 16:55

That should be not to invite any of her family.

FallingWithStyle · 11/08/2010 17:05

The FB thing is annoying - all this broadcasting of everybodys business is absurd
BUT...that is nothing compared to the weird wedding situation. Cant imagine ever doing this to my family.
Completely insensitive and rude of your sister and H-to-be.

fanifanakapants · 11/08/2010 17:40

Seems quite cruel to me. You and your parents are excluded from your sisters wedding but are still expected to babysit while the grooms family and various friends are celebrating.
Your sister is most definately taking you for granted.

hairytriangle · 11/08/2010 18:16

yanbu, but on the other hand, it is totally up to them who they invite.

poppincandy · 11/08/2010 18:18

Seems like the whole of your family ABU and not you. Your dad needs a carer, but is capable of looking after a 4 year old child by himself.

Your sister wants a free babysitter.

AlistairSim · 11/08/2010 18:23

What an odd set-up!

How is she going to explain the lack of her family to other guests?

Flip

1 2