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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to NOT want a health visitor to come to my house?

55 replies

Heathcliffscathy · 11/08/2010 15:35

didn't have this last time as had indep midwives. just picked up red book when saw health visitor at gp surgery at 8 week check.

I've been visited by lovely community midwives at home several times. baby doing fab, has put on a pound this week (!!). I'm fine if tired.

They're going to bash me over the head with a sledgehammer re immunisations (which I certainly wouldn't countenance at 8 weeks, and in fact have no intention of having at all as with ds1) and probably suggest a formula top up. even the midwife agreed that health visitors are woefully misinformed a lot of the time and have very strange ideas wrt for eg early weaning.

I don't want her to come. can I say no and just go for 8 week check at gps?

OP posts:

elinorbellowed · 11/08/2010 16:46

YANBU to not want to see a HV. Like all Health Professionals mine have been a mixture of helpful and ill-informed. Laughed a bit with the one who asked if I understood the importance of reading with my children when I had just told her I was an English teacher and she was sitting in front of a ceiling to floor bookcase.
As lal123 said, they don't come to the house if you are doing ok without them.
However, I think you and others on this thread a BU for not having vaccinations. What is your reasoning behind this? I would be furious if my child was put at risk of a serious illness because there is no longer a herd immunity.

wem · 11/08/2010 16:47

If the same HV tries to come see me for dd2 as did for dd1 I will say no thanks. She was always late and spent an hour going through her script in bored monotone. However I did see a lovely HV at the clinic so I might speak to her if anyone.

Vallhala · 11/08/2010 16:56

I have 2 DC and have seen a HV once in our entire lives.

That was enough, the bloody woman... !

I saw my GP thereafter, if and when I considered I needed to (and no, I didn't concede to the pressure agree to having either DD vaccinated either).

You are under no obligation to see a HV. Quite simply, say no thank you and forget about it. :)

Rubykippers · 11/08/2010 17:08

You are def not bu for not wanting to see one. I got severely reprimanded by hv for choosing not to have ds immunised. I told her that I thought immunisations were a choice, after all it states in the red book that your child may be 'offered' the following immunisations which implies choice.

elinor your dc will not be put at risk if other children aren't immunised. Before you start judging other parents rights to choose whether they want to immunise their children, maybe you should research the vaccines, how they are cultured and what goes in them. I was not happy with the one size fits all approach to immunisations, got informed and made my choice.

Morloth · 11/08/2010 17:11

You can just say no. I had the first one to get the book, she was really nice, had a cup of tea and a chat.

I think it was pretty clear I was just fine and had the resources to sort myself out.

Haven't heard from them and DS2 is 21wks now.

ReneRusso · 11/08/2010 17:14

I wish I had refused a home visit. The HV that came was a total loon and took hours going through pages and pages of boring questions, and crapping on about how I musn't shake my baby, even if I'm feeling tired .

sapphireblue · 11/08/2010 17:14

Def NBU. The HV I had with DD1 was lovely, but the one I saw second time round was absolutely fucking clueless (to put it nicely.) She told me I would never be able to make enough milk to satisfy DD2 and must introduce formula top-ups. She then went on and on for ages about why DD1 (then 23 months) wasn't potty trained......apparently I should have started at 18 months and had now left it far too late .....all this whilst I had a 3 week old baby attached to my boob.

Have to say I'm a bit about not getting your DC's vaccinated (bit of a risk IMO) but it's absolutely your choice and you shouldn't be put under pressure to do it.

Rhian82 · 11/08/2010 17:26

Could you maybe have one visit to see if you've got a nice one or a crazy one, and then accept/refuse further visits as per?

Mine was brilliant, DS was exclusively breastfed and she never suggested formula, was really supportive and full of accurate information. She always told me how brilliantly I was doing and when she left I felt so much more positive about everything!

lucky1979 · 11/08/2010 18:02

What's the difference between american children and european ones, why would they need different charts?

sarahscot · 11/08/2010 18:10

A friend of mine's 13 month old baby has rubella at the moment - he was due his mmr in a couple of weeks, so doesn't have protection against iit yet. THAT is what happens when there is no longer 'herd immunisation'. These diseases are on the increase again because of people opting out. So yes, not having your children immunised puts others at risk.

Ulysses · 11/08/2010 18:19

My HV was a lovely, jolly older woman with five cats and no kids

I did enjoy her coming in once a fortnight but was a bit put off her advice after DD dropped into the 5th centile (or the last one if it is that) for her weight and suggested that I might need to start topping her up with formula, which in hindsight might have been fair enough though I did think I was feeding her well at the time.

From what she said though about her own profession her biggest concern were with teenage mums and those babies in socially deprived area, and I expect many other HVs would feel the same. I don't think that provided that they were assured of your ability to provide a nurturing home for you LO, there would be little need to come out to see you and their time could be spent where it was really needed.

Triggles · 11/08/2010 18:40

I attempted to opt out regarding HVs. They apparently don't understand NO here. She showed up once for a home visit when DS3 was newborn, which was fine. But she was a bit of a loon. I told her at the time that I no longer wanted any more home visits, that I would come into the surgery or clinic for checks and such. She "advised against it" but whatever. She then proceeded to drive me nuts hassling me constantly for developmental checks, sending me prebooked appointments (for her to visit me at home) through the mail, so that I received them a day or two prior to the visit at most. I called her office and told her to cancel, that I didn't want home visits, and that DS3 had just seen the GP the week previously and we had discussed his development and everything was fine. HV told me the nurses and GPs "don't do" developmental checks as they are not well versed in them. She then showed up at our house unannounced insisting that she wanted to do a 9 month health check on DS3. DH told her to leave. She then sent me a "prebooked" appointment she had made for me to see her at the surgery for a 9 month health check. I called and left a message on the HV answering system that I didn't know why they had such difficulty understanding the word no, but I did not want any further contact from them in any way, shape, or form, and that I would take my son in to see the GP if I have any health concerns for him, as I do with my other children. I also mentioned this problem to the GP the next week when I took DS3 in for a check on his eczema as well.

Thankfully we have not heard from her since then. But my god, they can send you right around the bend!! And I did have a friend that said "oh god, they'll call social services on you, saying you won't let them in as you have something to hide!" Just insane!

PueriSimilisCanis · 11/08/2010 18:43

sarascot I think you need to think about why Soph chose to opt in or out of immunisations before lecturing

that's all

sorky · 11/08/2010 19:20

I don't care about anyone elses kids, just my own.

Everyone makes parenting decisions based on what's best for their own family.

My decisions are nothing to do with any of you and I for one will not be bullied or scare mongered.
I suspect others feel the same but do not presume to speak for them.

MumNWLondon · 11/08/2010 19:30

HV came to visit me at around 5 weeks. She weighed DS2, praised me for EBFing. Gave me the red book.

Told me the timetable for jabs.
Told me where the baby weighing clinics were.

Was totally polite.

On the other hand at 8 week check the GP critised DS2's weight gain told me I had to come back 2 weeks later to get him weighed again, and booked me in for jabs.

I didn't go back to GP 2 weeks later, went back to HV instead. Even though DS2's weight has dropped down weight charts a bit, HV has said its fine as he's EBF and is gaining. She told me monthly weighing is enough.

Not sure what you have again HVs???? If you don't want the jabs just nod in agreement but don't book in for them with GP.

ageing5yearseachyear · 11/08/2010 19:39

you cant win with them so dont try. just say firmly you are fine and do not want them involved.

i did this (well tbh threw one out of the house). they really did deserve it though!

im sure that they will be grateful to concentrate on those that need help most.

Altaira · 11/08/2010 19:39

Do what you want wrt HV's, but your info about the growth charts is incorrect. They are based on breastfed babies from five continents.

jaffacake2 · 11/08/2010 19:42

Just write a letter saying you are opting out of child health surveillance and you wont be contacted by an Hv. Also write to the surgery to say you dont want any vaccines.Its your choice and you are responsible for the consequences if your child contracts any of the diseases.
And no you will not be referred to social services.

As an HV working in a busy inner city practice I would be so happy not to have someone who moans about the offered service and no doubt would want to debate ad finitum about vaccines in a busy clinic.
With a caseload of over 500 families with 3 court cases looming of child abuse which I have to attend,you would probably be the last straw.

Vallhala · 11/08/2010 19:46

"I don't care about anyone elses kids, just my own.

Everyone makes parenting decisions based on what's best for their own family.

My decisions are nothing to do with any of you and I for one will not be bullied or scare mongered."

Well said sorky, with you all the way.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 11/08/2010 19:50

My younger children are unvaccinated because my eldest child is severely brain damaged and there is reason to think that this was as a result of an immune disorder. He is under the care of a neurologist snd a couple of paediatricians who are understanding of our concerns.

Ds1 caught rubella from a vaccinated child anyway. That child spread it far and wide (not the mother's fault she thought he couldn't have rubella because he'd been vaccinated). We knew it was likely to be coming, stayed in and didn't spread it anywhere.

There's more than one way to be socially responsible and if my children avoid severe brain damage in the process all the better.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 11/08/2010 19:52

Jaffa - has health visiting become more about child protection since babyp? (had a chat with a very fed up hv recently).

reallytired · 11/08/2010 19:55

Accept the primary visit from the health visitor. Smile sweetly and nod. Don't say anything contraversal. It is most unlikely that you will be visited again.

Then you won't attract attention. It is understandable that an over worked health visitor worries about a nutcase a mother who will not allow her to cross the threshold.

jaffacake2 · 11/08/2010 19:58

Health visiting in some areas has always had a high child protection element. The trouble now is a shortage of HVs due to a shortfall in training over the last 10 yrs so instead of 200 familes per HV average a decade ago,its now 500 plus. Some areas even more.

Most of my time is spent with abusive familes,addicts and violence.But I still try to support my mums who have PND,ill children and special needs children.

I get really fed up with people who just whine on about the service. Just accept its on offer,if you dont want it then say so.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 11/08/2010 20:03

It sounds tough Jaffa. I can imagine child protection would be big in my area. I have always been lucky with HV's. In fact ds1's picked up his problems before the so called specialists and was supportive when the system let him down.

bellamysbride · 11/08/2010 20:05

Well said jaffacake2.

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