URGH LYING AGAIN!!! (and the same old hypocrisy)

[Citrus81]

DP works full time and his daughter lives with us so I'm main carer of both his and mine children. I like to take DS out during the holidays but DSD won't come out with us, she'll only come if her dad is coming and since he's obviously at work, she spends most of her days in the house on her own. At first DP whinged about me taking DS out all the time and leaving her at home but I explained that I can't just keep DS at home because she won't come out. He reluctantly agreed that it was her own fault she didn't come, she's always invited but always declines.
So anyway DP decides to set some "ground rules" on what I can do with DS (just reading that sentance back makes me realise what a doormat I have become). He says I can take him places like Mcdonalds etc but nothing "nice" like a brewsters meal or a resteraunt meal. He specifically named one resteraunt (lets call it "Flaming Wok" as a place he would be annoyed at me taking DS without him and DSD as that's apparantly the kind of place we should all go together.
Stupidly, I agreed.
I have since refused to take DS to this place because of DP saying we can go when we're ALL available to go.
So a couple of weeks ago DP had a day off work and decided to take DSD into town for her lunch as he doesn't get to spend much time with her. Fair enough. He took her to subway.
Last week, he did the same thing. When he came back I asked where they'd had lunch, he stuttered slightly and then said "subway". I said "again?" and he said "yeah, not as nice as it used to be, don't think I'll go there again". I said "maybe it's because you've had it twice in as many weeks, novelty wearing off?" he looked sheepish and said "yeah, maybe".
So anyway this morning, his bank statement arrived. I opened it by accident (I'm with the same bank, I assumed it was mine) and the bastard only took her to Flaming Wok last week when he said he'd been to subway!
Dont get me wrong, I dont care WHERE he takes her, he could take her for a gormet meal prepared by Mr Ramsey himself for all I care but not when he's telling me under no circumstances can I take DS to this place as its one we all need to go to together ..... and then to LIE to my face and say he'd been to subway and to watch as I tell DS we can't go to FW because it isn't fair to DP and DSD??? Or am I over-reacting??

I hope you are okay. Some people seem to think saying 'leave' is that simple. I know it isn't. Take care of yourselves xx

I have been known to take my two DDs out, and leave my teenager DS to rot in the house because he refused to get ready and come with us. This is normal teenage behaviour. My DH would not limit where I took the DDs if DS is being a pain, its DS's responsibility to live with the consequences of his decisions.

I think you need to teach your DP the practicalities of living with teenagers. Also make it very clear you will not be lied to or have him get someone else lie to you.

Does DSD ever go out? If not I would get her involved in something, a teenager sports class, holiday activity, something. She needs to be doing something with her life, not just mopping around the house.

Frame the bank statement with the Flaming Wok line highlighted.

The next time that idiot controlling DP even opens his mouth in your direction to tell you what you can and can't do with your family, say nothing, absolutely nothing, just point to the bank statement.

I don't see that 'making yourself homeless' and going into a hostel is any more ridiculous than having to put up with this sort of shit. Will the council rehouse you if you're in the hostel? Sounds like that's what you need to do, unless you want DS to grow up thinking that this is the way he and Mummy deserve to be treated.

Unless you moved into a house that he already owned and you are not on the deeds, surely you can ask him to move out? That's how it usually happens after all, (while there are young children at home) and the DSD can go to her mum, or grandparents can't she? If it's a council property I think they'd give preference to you over him, though I'm not an expert in these matters.