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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find this a bit odd/ disconcerting

35 replies

LetThemEatCake · 10/08/2010 23:04

I have a friend visiting from my home town, she's a friend from recent years. Turns out that she knows someone I went to university with, who expressed horror and disbelief when our mutual friend said that she knew me and would be seeing me here. Exact words apparently - "you can't be friends with her!!!"

The thing is, I have no idea who this girl is. Her name rings no bells whatsoever - but apparently the story goes, I was the "nemesis" {exact words, apparently) of a good friend of hers, who also went to uni with us and whose name, again, means not a thing to me!!!

So this was all relayed to me a few weeks ago and I was a bit taken aback but tried to be fairly dismissive and conciliatory and said something like "Oh I probably wasn't the nicest person at uni" - of course I don't think this is true at all, I think I was perfectly nice although possibly had tickets on myself a bit (hung with the 'cool' kids, looked down on the geeks etc) but have since been updated by friend that she emailed her friend to say that I had 'admitted' that I wasn't very nice and that her friend has emailed back to say okay then, it's cool if we're friends.

Is this a bit weird do you think?? bear in mind I graduated about 14 years ago and honestly have no idea who these people are!!!

I feel like a Heather

OP posts:

LetThereBeRock · 10/08/2010 23:07

Sorry why is your 'friend' telling you this?

BelleDameSansMerci · 10/08/2010 23:07

I'm quite impressed that you could inspire such awe after such a long time... I'd love to be a nemesis!

More seriously, I think the friend of friend needs to grow up a bit.

You're right though, it's odd.

Triggles · 10/08/2010 23:07

Personally, I'd just be honest with your friend and say "sorry, I don't have a clue who she is" and let them draw whatever conclusions they will from that. It's not like you need this person's permission to be friends (although it sounds like she THINKS you do LOL).

UniS · 10/08/2010 23:07

if you don't remember them, who cares. you don't need to. Water under the bridge and all that.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 10/08/2010 23:07

someone with the same name as you, probably

cupcakesandbunting · 10/08/2010 23:08

I'm really sorry, probably mebeing thick/tired, but you lost me at the start of the second paragraph. :(

LucyLouLou · 10/08/2010 23:09

This is quite weird. This sounds like the Brad Pitt episode of Friends....I wouldn't pay much mind to it, realistically, what can you actually do now? Very strange!

cupcakesandbunting · 10/08/2010 23:09

Sorry have re-read and don't understnd why you didn't tell your friend that you have no clue who this girl is. By saying the thing about not being nice at uni', you've kind of made an admission of bullying/unpleasant behaviour. That would not sit well with me, if I didn't know what the "beef" was, so to speak.

MrsIndianaJones2 · 10/08/2010 23:12

Hahaha you ARE a Heather!
I had this once - apparently at Uni (this was POSTGRAD, not even the hormonal joy of Undergrad years!!!) I was told, after a term of being treated a bit weirdly, that I was 'totally out of line for victimising (let's call her Moaning Minnie)'.

When I got to the bottom of this, I had been (apparently) 'giving her mean looks'. I did ask if we were going to draw up a list of best, second-best, and third-best friends later...

I'd enjoy it if I were you. Your legend lives on, whilst you go merrily about you way, creating a new legend.

ivykaty44 · 10/08/2010 23:12

I would just be honest and say - really sorry name means nothing to me, possibly I have no idea who you are tlaking about and possible if this is the case it wasn't me she is thinking about...wierd tell your friend

cruelladepoppins · 10/08/2010 23:14

Could it be a namesake?

Or maybe you got off with a boy one of them fancied - no reason for you to know them but every reason for them to remember and dislike you, even if it's unfair.

Or were you [whispers] so self-centred you can't even remember some people who weren't even your friends? It's not a crime - some people are made that way, never remember names, habitually get names wrong - could it be they just don't care all that much about the person they are talking to?

I was rejoicing to myself the other day because I used to have a bit of a nemesis at work (about 5 yrs ago) - great stress and unpleasantness and - do you know what? - when I was thinking about her briefly the other day (she shares the same forename as a character in one of the children's books) I couldn't for the life of me remember her surname.

tbh I can't be bothered with people who tell other people who they can be friends with ... maybe you are right not to remember her.

Original poster

LetThemEatCake · 10/08/2010 23:21

no, no, I have told my friend from the get-go that neither of the names in question rang any bells with me.

and then when she kept trying to explain who her friend was and I was none the wiser, I brushed it off/ changed the topic of conversation with the "probably wasn't the nicest person at uni" comment.

No way could it have been someone with the same name. I (and these 2 girls) did a very small, very ahem, selective course And I have an unusual name.

You;re right, I should just enjoy my notoriety

OP posts:

Original poster

LetThemEatCake · 10/08/2010 23:22

and was in a relationship all through uni, didn't cop off with anyone else!!

OP posts:

redglen · 11/08/2010 00:36

are you sure your new 'friend' isn't playing mind games with you and making it all up?

SweetnessAndShite · 11/08/2010 00:46

Maybe she fancied your partner from afar?

Mowgli1970 · 11/08/2010 08:26

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who required another's permission to be friends with me.

hairytriangle · 11/08/2010 08:47

This is not weird. Lookingdipsn on geeks is probably code for bullying.

TrillianAstra · 11/08/2010 08:54

She probably hated you for being tall and slim and snogging some guy she liked - without her ever actually registering on your radar because you were in the cool gang

BertieBasset · 11/08/2010 09:34

So victim now says it is "okay" for her mate to be friends with you?

Hmmm, not the type of comment I would expect from someone with low self esteem, not the sort of comment I would expect from anyone over the age of about 11, and I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who needed permission to see me or felt it acceptable to tell me people disliked me so much.

I would sit back and relax in my white leather chair, while stroking a pure white cat in the manner of a bond villan

TrillianAstra · 11/08/2010 09:46

I expect friend is now saying 'okay, well, it doesn't really matter anyway, it was 14 years ago' rather than 'since she has apologised you now have my permission'. She just wanted some acknowledgement for the totally imaginary crimes you committed against her.

chipmonkey · 11/08/2010 09:48

OMG, your "victim" sounds about 12! Ridiculous behaviour from grown women!

peeringintothevoid · 11/08/2010 09:55

It makes me chuckle that if the friend of a friend of a friend posted a thread on here about how this person who had looked down on her, ostracised her, made her life a misery at uni, and how she couldn't believe her fofafofafriend is now great mates with her bullying nemesis, she'd probably get loads of sympathy - in fact, I remember a similar thread from a while ago.

I'm not saying that you were these things, OP, BTW

Original poster

LetThemEatCake · 11/08/2010 09:56

it wasn't even the one my friend is friends with though, do you see? It was her friend.

Let's say - me, Cake. My friend, Coffee. Her friend, who hates me, Horseradish. Her friend, whose nemesis I apparently was, Chopped Liver.

So, Cake was apparently horrible to Chopped Liver. Chopped Liver refers to Cake as nemesis. Horseradish is friends with Coffee and Chopped Liver, tells Coffee not to be friends with Cake because Cake was horrible to Chopped Liver. Cake doesn't know Horseradish or Chopped Liver from, well, chopped liver.

Geddit??

OP posts:

Original poster

LetThemEatCake · 11/08/2010 09:58

Hand on heart, I was not horrible to anyone. I may have just, um, not bothered with some people but doesn't everyone do that?? you have your friends, your boyfriend, you're up to your neck in assessments ... so sue me!!

OP posts:

Marjee · 11/08/2010 10:05

Erm....... Whats a Heather?

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