to find this a bit odd/ disconcerting

[LetThemEatCake]

I have a friend visiting from my home town, she's a friend from recent years. Turns out that she knows someone I went to university with, who expressed horror and disbelief when our mutual friend said that she knew me and would be seeing me here. Exact words apparently - "you can't be friends with her!!!"

The thing is, I have no idea who this girl is. Her name rings no bells whatsoever - but apparently the story goes, I was the "nemesis" {exact words, apparently) of a good friend of hers, who also went to uni with us and whose name, again, means not a thing to me!!!

So this was all relayed to me a few weeks ago and I was a bit taken aback but tried to be fairly dismissive and conciliatory and said something like "Oh I probably wasn't the nicest person at uni" - of course I don't think this is true at all, I think I was perfectly nice although possibly had tickets on myself a bit (hung with the 'cool' kids, looked down on the geeks etc) but have since been updated by friend that she emailed her friend to say that I had 'admitted' that I wasn't very nice and that her friend has emailed back to say okay then, it's cool if we're friends.

Is this a bit weird do you think?? bear in mind I graduated about 14 years ago and honestly have no idea who these people are!!!

I feel like a Heather

cult 80s film where misfits Christian Slater and Winona Ryder take revenge on the beautiful, popular, bitchy girls (all called Heather) by erm, killing them.

None of us are exactly the same people now as we were during our teens and uni years. For someone to be holding a grudge after all these years over some imagined slight is very childish. I expect that if you'd done something to actually harm this friend of a friend then you would remember what you had done. Either way, it's between you and the person holding the grudge. Nothing to do with your mutual friend. Maybe you weren't always as friendly as you could have been, but you have matured. Sounds like the other people in this story need to do the same and I would be inclined to say so if the topic comes up again.

Went to a school reunion couple of years ago.

Girl I have NEVER seen before strode up to me.

'I just want to say you made me feel like a freak at school'.

I didn't know who the hell she was or what to say.

I said something like 'Gosh, really, ummm, what, how....sorry what happened, I've forgotten your name I'm afraid'.

She said 'You said I had the curliest hair you'd ever seen, it made me feel really bad about myself'.

So I said 'Err, right, sorry about that, apologies if it offended. I'm sure your hair was fabulous.'.

Now I know I wasn't a meanie at school. My other friends at the reunion assured me that I was not remotely Heather-like and they all said she was a bit, ahem, unusual.

She came up to me again later and repeated her allegation and an old pal interrupted her 'Do you know, what we all said a lot of things at school, we were always cackling and shouting about something or other, so why don't you just get over it'.

Some people are, like, way sensitive.

Whats wrong with being a Heather like????

Do you know what, I have a similar thing going on in my life...

I have a friend at church, she is the sweetest, lovliest person I think I have ever met. I really want to be her....

She is married to someone I was at teaching college with.

My first reaction when I found out was "how on earth could she be married to HIM". I disliked him at teaching school (I thought I had perfectly valid reasons) and he disliked me (his reasons of course were completely invalid and ridiculous because I was lovely...)

I've learned to laugh it off - I was a different person 15 years ago, and so was he I'm sure...

Email your friend back and say 'hang on, I don't get this! I wasn't not nice at uni, I was just a bit taken aback by what you just told me. I haven't a clue who either of hte poeple you're talking about are, I don't recognise their names or anything about them. I'm really upset about all this childish talking about me behind my back when I have no idea what the problem is and certainly wasn't knowingly a part of whatever happend FOURTEEN YEARS AGO'.

at Horseradish and Chopped Liver

Where did you pluck the codenames from?!

Lol Geordie

god, my 20 year school reunion is this year. Definite second thoughts about going!!

What's also funny is that Horseradish and Chopped Liver went on to practice law (the degree we were all doing) so you'd think quite level headed? But maybe not!!!

Anyway, nice to've made an impression I guess!!

That is slightly odd - but it is also slightly odd that your friend, Coffee, felt the need to tell you all this. Why? It would have been better to keep quiet about it, I would have thought.

I have friends who still "hate" people from school, despite 25years having passed since we did. That's a long time to hang onto that feeling. There are people from school I wouldn't bother having anything to do with but no one I hate. And I don't think I'd feel the need to be horrified if anyone else wanted to be friends with them!

It's all about self-confidence though - the more you lack it, the more little things stay with you, and it can be just one throwaway remark that sets off a huge event in someone else's life. I did this to someone, completely by accident - I said something (apparently) and she stopped communicating with me for a few years. I found her on Friends Reunited and said "hi" - and she reminded me of this thing I had said, which I had zero recollection of saying (and actually couldn't quite believe I would have said it but hey). Little things to one can be enormous to another.

ROFL about lawyers being level headed. Some of the nuttiest women I've ever met have been lawyers (am one myself) .