To cook a separate meal for my 3 year old

[fortynotfrumpy]

My sister complains when I cook a different meal for my 3 year old, saying she should be eating the same meal we eat by now. But dd just won't eat the meals we eat, preferring macaroni cheese, pizza and bread...

My sister says if she's hungry she'll soon eat... I'm not sure that's true!

AIBU?

Do I refuse to give her food and wait til she gets really hungry, or do I keep cooking separate meals for her?

I think at 3 it is easier to give them dinner earlier and something you know they will eat with something 'new' on the side. It is good for them to be made to try things or they will only ever like the same 6 things! :)

I would agree with your sister - (and I couldn't be bothered to cook two separate meals - far too much trouble) - I think it's important to introduce your child to a wide range of food. My DS always ate the same as DH and I - if there was something he really, really didn't like I would just give him something very simple - like a cheese sandwich rather than cook something 'special'. He's now 9 and has a more sophisticated palate than I do .

I make things like (veggie) Lasagne, (veggie) pie, (veggie) cottage pie, (veggie) curry, (veggie) mac 'n cheese (with loads of veggies in it) etc things they like but that aren't just 'kiddie food', if it's something we really like but they aren't keen on I'll give them a (veggie) sausage as well.

So, I suppose, half-way between you & your sister :)

I think maybe a compromise is to make something for all of you but omit the bits that your child doesn't like (or better still, give a tiny bit for them to try so that one day they might just think "Why not?").

Example - DS (3.5) never likes curry, however mild, however we make it. He does, however, like everything but the actual curry. So instead I cook the meat, veg and so on without curry in it, take out his portion and then add curry spices etc to ours. Alternatively, if this isn't possible, I replace it with something he does like and serve that up with all the trimmings but just no curry.

I do think in part YABU because you should be offering her the same foods as you are having, but you are right in that sometimes you have to adapt things a little and you don't want mealtimes to be negative all the time for your DD.

I never wanted to be like you, but I am! I cook dc's a separate, simple meal. I sometimes give them our leftovers (if not hot curry) for lunch (they are a bit more adventurous at lunchtime) - but evening 'tea' is always a baked beans, fish fingers, cheese sandwich, sausages, cheese on toast job. Sometimes they eat the leftovers, sometimes not, even when they are hungry, but I am quite an experimental cook!!!

YANBU, I don't think it really matters in the real world as long as she is eating a healthy diet, but I know others feel differently! My 1yo and 3yo are ready for their tea at 4.30pm and no way could I manage dinner at that time.

I often cook separately but for different reasons (usually working patterns, dcs needing to be in bed when we are wanting to eat at 8pm etc)

As in most things, balance/compromise is the key imo.

Perhaps cook more "child friendly" meals in the week, but eat as a family at other times?

When I cook for my dcs sometimes it is a "child's" dinner such as fish fingers, but eequally it may be something that most dcs won't eat. Mine eat a very varied diet, we are lucky that they are fairly accepting of nnew foods.

If she's 3, why weren't you doing this from the off ?
ds1(6) and ds2(2) both eat what we eat. medium curry. medium chilli.
ds1 doesn't like salad - toms and lettuce, btu eats all tomato products - sauce, spag bole etc ??
ds2 doesn't seem to like egss much. egg sandwiches etc.

other than that they eat EVERYTHING.

cooking a seperate meal ? errr, how did you ever get into that ?

Do what works for you and your family -but do try to eat meals with her at the weekend so she's eating the same as you. That way she'll gradually get more adventurous with food.

Not sure how it started. In the beginning she did eat everything we ate (including curry, fish pie, lasagna etc), but then gradually got more picky (and thinner) so we started adapting our meals to cut out the things she didn't like, then just offering her food we knew she would eat. Before I had kids I was very critical of parents who cooked a separate meal, believing firmly we should all eat the same thing, but I just feel my heart sink when she pushes the plate away and says ahe doesn't want whatever we've put in front of her.

Now I can see this is only going to get worse!

I cook a separate meal for my children, pretty much every day, because dh doesn't get home until about 7.30 and I want them to have eaten by then. Sometimes I cook something that we will all eat but at different times.

They are each relatively good eaters but their tastes don't overlap much so sometimes, to my enduring shame, I also cook them different meals from each other. I am a disaster.

Anyway OP, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing if it works for you but honestly it's not ideal and you might well be kicking yourself in a few years time. I never meant to be doing what I'm doing but it's a slippery slope.

Oh yeah, spag bol, chilli and rice and macaroni cheese all go down ok. Smoked haddock in cream, anything with leeks in, jerk chicken - not so welcome.

It's very normal for children to get fussier as they get older. Dd would eat everything until she was 2, since then foods have gradually fallen out of favour, although she does discover new things she likes. She is 6 now and has recently developed a passion for artichokes, but still won't eat sausages or cake.

Is she actually underweight? If not then try to harden your heart and not worry if she doesn't eat her meal. If you make sure she has had something she likes for lunch maybe you could relax more about her tea.

OP, you are making a horrible mistake.

And, you're being terribly weak allowing a 3yo to dictate terms to you. Tell her the shops have run out of bread and cheese and all they have left is broccoli and tomatoes. Let her stamp her feet. At least she'll be able to see them when she's thirty.

Macaroni cheese, bread, pizza have very little nutrition. At this young age (and I am afraid you may have blown it as some current research suggests that a human's taste preferences are mostly formed by age two), a child is developing pathways that dictate preferences for food types that may well last for life.

Pizza, cheese, high-carb foods, for life?

We know where that leads.

Your sister sounds like a wise woman.

agree with snobear. at least put the other food on her plate and get her used to seeing it there.

She always has been hovering around the bottom line on the centile chart, e.g. at 3.4 years she's only just started wearing 18-24m clothes. She does eat well when it's something she likes, won't eat veg but does love fruit so we give her plenty of that. I do tend to cook her a huge load of somthing then freeze it so I'm not actually cooking a separate meal every day.

DD2 is just 7 mths and I'm wondering how we can avoid this situation with her?

o.k sorry Op. now see from latest post that you started and then she got fussier. thats different. common. there is a wealth of info on mn , threads thta can help you with that. i never had that problem with my 2, but i do appreciate it is very common.

Snobear4000: how rude! And what a scaremonger you are - " and I am afraid you may have blown it as some current research suggests that a human's taste preferences are mostly formed by age two". Yes, she should just give up now shouldn't she? Very helpful, that response.

BTW, I see from your profile that you have one child. Right, well, I used to think like you when I only had one child too. And DS1 is a good eater, so naturally it was all down to my fabulous parenting skills - him being a good eater. And then DS2 came along....

I hope you are blessed with more children, but also that they turn out to have eating problems despite what you do, as then perhaps you might decide to remove that halo of yours.

And !

I'm with your sister all the way. DS (2.7) eats everything we eat and has for a long time.

Well OP - perhaps my DS is the exception to Snobear's research. The little dahling would only eat things that were mainly beige in colour for a couple of years around about 2.5 onwards. If I didn't provide a beige option then he wouldn't eat at all.

He is now 6 and is ready to try everything. Last week he tried mussels and loved them and his favourite food is currently lobster. Ha! I think I liked it better when he was a cheesy potato addict.

She might be a supertaster so foods might taste more unpalatable to her?

I wouldn't worry - just keep offering her things - but keep her eating and enjoying food. Making food a power struggle is not a good idea.

FWIW DS was always more keen to try things if he saw other children eating them - it might be worth a go?

honestly?
yes, I think you are being a bit unreasonable

i would cook up a meal for everyone. i would include something i know she will eat, but i wouldn't be making special meals

all of my children go through phases of "not liking" certain things
but if i keep offering them they generally start eating them again at some point

i do think you have made a mistake by cutting out all foods she suddenly decided she didn't like, despite eating them before.

i eat at about half 5, with the children.

dp eats with us if he is home, if not he has his when he gets in