To cook a separate meal for my 3 year old

[fortynotfrumpy]

My sister complains when I cook a different meal for my 3 year old, saying she should be eating the same meal we eat by now. But dd just won't eat the meals we eat, preferring macaroni cheese, pizza and bread...

My sister says if she's hungry she'll soon eat... I'm not sure that's true!

AIBU?

Do I refuse to give her food and wait til she gets really hungry, or do I keep cooking separate meals for her?

I adjusted our meals a bit so that everyone would eat them. Macaroni and pizza are on teh menu. Would you not eat them too? Why do you consider them to be meals for 3 year olds and not adults?

We all eat the same meal and always have done. Tbh I'm not surprised your child won't eat the same food as you if you've never given it! If dc grew up eating the same they'd know no difference so wouldn't prefer pizza etc.

If she is a real nightmare and just won't eat lots of stuff, I'd always have a bowl of veg sticks/fruit and a couple of slices of bread and butter on the table. Then hopefully you can eat your meal and your dd will quietly eat something at least.

ballstoit thats one of the most useful posts actually

Adding in one new dimension like that is a BRILLIANT idea- I have done similar without realising it, but I am going to try it now as you described it. Thank you

OP, your child and if it fits in with how your family works then fine, but expanding her choices would be fab

Last week, I asked my DS what veggies he wants with dinner, to which he replied 'none' I answered 'guess again' then he said 'peas, brocolli and cabbage then' and ate all 3... Maybe worth trying too?

edam - I used to offer him some white starch (made separately as neither dh or I like it) but he gradually started to reject it and now pretty much refuses it altogether ('can I have wholegrain bread instead, mummy?'). So I've stopped bothering.

For some things (like pizza) we do use half white half wholemeal. The thing is, the difference is more than just fibre - whole grains contain protein too.

UCO eats with me and my husband and if she doesn't eat i she gets jam crackers or cheese crackers. This mainly works.

Oh, OK ib, using half-white half-wholemeal sounds sensible. I know about protein, am veggie so wholemeal especially important in my own diet (also contains iron IIRC although obviously most omnivores will get that from meat).

I sympathise Op. DD (3) usually has the same as everyone else, but from time to time has something different - eg she will not eat stirfry as she can't stand noodles or beansprouts. She also won't eat spaghetti but will eat any other sort of pasta.

We've done reasonably well by getting her helping to grow or at least choose, peel, chop and prepare veg. She now loves carrots, broccoli, cabbage, tomatoes etc. We also try and do the dishes in the middle of hte table and she can choose how much food she wants from any dish. Roast dinners with lots of veg seem to be a consistent favourite as does anything with couscous.

YANBU. DS is a real fusspost and eats earlier than us anyway, so I'd much rather do him something quick that I know he'll eat. On the occasions that he eats with us he has what we're having, although I might modify it slightly or give him some bread and butter on the side.

I am in the middle of this thread and just had to stop and say hurrah to CurlyhairedAssasin and may I join you in your and ?

my dd (3.3) ate a wide variety of things I put in front of her until the age of about 2, infact the only things I can really remember her turning her nose up at was cheese and rice and green veg. Almost overnight she became - imo - a picky eater and retrospectively I think "textures" became an issue. Mash, spag bol, fish pie, cottage pie - all previous favourites - were eschewed for about a year ... I once bribed persuaded dd to just have one spoonful of mash, she dutifully did so, physically gagged and welled up I felt physically sick and told her it was ok to spit it out, she was obviously not enjoying it, for whatever reason. A year on she's now ok with mash and spag bol, we're working on the fish pie. Interestingly though in that year she has started to eat a few things that she wouldn't have touched up to the age of 2, namely eggs (although only boiled) and swede . We cannot eat our evening meal together as dp doesn't get in til 8 and she is in bed asleep by then but we do eat lunch and breakfast together. I try to introduce "new" things on a fairly regular basis and hope that things get better. I'm sure they will. In the meantime she eats plenty of fruit, lean meat, and some carbs (bread/pasta/breakfast cereals). She'll eat some veg but nothing that is overtly green bar peas, she won't touch pulses or rice, spicy foods are out and still does not like cheese or cream but loves milk. It's not for the want of trying. Perhaps she will just come round to these things as she gets older, who's to know what things actually taste like to her ... she's still growing and her taste buds are still developing. Sometimes you can try every trick in the book and nothing but time helps.

The eating issue is a bit like the sleep issue isn't it? those of you with good eaters/sleepers feel that it is down to your fantastic parenting and nothing to do with the child itself. I'm not saying you can't help matters but I do feel that sometimes it's very much luck of the draw.

and now I'll finish reading the thread ...

Macaroni cheese is a great meal for a child - full of calories, calcium, protein and carbs. If she doesn't like veggies, so what? Give her a few bits to try on the side and something made of fruit for pudding. Sorted. Pizza is also great. Something like fruit crumble and custard is a good way of getting a bit more fruit into a child and you can also put peas or mushrooms or similar into a pasta bake.

My DD is also three and going through a fussy stage. I think it's completely normal and they usually come out of it in a while and get a bit more adventurous again.

We do all eat the same thing, although sometimes DS (3) and I eat earlier if DH is working late.

Sometimes he eats it up, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he decides he likes something and other times he doesn't, it still gets put on his plate.

I find the most successful meals are the ones that he's allowed to get involved in making. It's a bit of chore really, but he does really enjoy cooking and feels so proud of himself.

So he chops mushrooms, cracks eggs, makes fishcakes, whisks, stirs and shakes and gets his hands in to marinade potatoes vegetables etc. Anything really that doesn't involve sharp knives, heat or raw meat/fish. We'll progress to that later.

I was never fussy eater, my DB was terrible. We all got the same on our plate, no seperate meals. As adults, his palate is far broader than mine and he's a brilliant cook, but he still won't eat raw onions!

Nope...my 'fantastic parenting skills' have nothing to do with why mine eat. I make dinner. I plate it up. I serve. Kids eat, or don't. There is no negotiation, no separate dishes, no making them something else because they've decided they don't want/what I've made. They try most things, genuinely don't like stuff, and I don't make them eat it.

I don't force, scream or yell. But at 4 and 2.10, they are not in control of me or what I cook them. I offer plenty of choices (shall we have carrots or peas tonight?), but that's about it.

Sorry...but I think there is a correlation between kids refusing food and knowing that if they threaten not to eat, they'll get everything they like.

I cook DS separate suppers most of the time because DH and I eat much much later after DH gets home and DS is in bed. Usually we don't have dessert either.

DS I want to grow up eating properly, and he has a 3-week cycle on the nursery lunch menu, so I have a 3-week supper menu running alongside, with complementary proteins and types of carb, so he doesn't get the same thing twice in the day. When nursery change menus, so do I.

Seems to work! If he refuses to eat something, I may sneak in an extra yoghurt. At weekends we all eat together round the table, and the same food.

I agree about food tastes as a child having very little bearing on adult tastes. I was brought up on very traditional bland British fare - meat and two veg - and didn't even know what pizza was until I hit my teens... let alone Chinese or Indian food! All of which I adore. The only part of my childhood diet I can't lose is the comfort food - stodgy puddings like bread and butter, or treacle. Not something I am encouraging DS to eat!

Rod for your back. I did this with DD and am kicking myself because she is 5 and still a very picky eater. They get more stubborn with age, too

On the other hand, DS (1) eats whatever we eat - lamb, meat balls, flat beans, salad, anything and everything.

My ds doesn't threaten not to eat, he just leaves stuff.

He just doesn't care.

I have never persuaded or argued. He does not get fed junk either (actually he wouldn't eat that anyway, it isn't beans, fruit, bread or cheese), he ate a perfectly healthy and varied diet till he was about 18months. Then he just started leaving more and more of his meal behind until he was left eating only a few things.

He is indifferent to food, and does not seem to recognise that he is hungry or thirsty.

I do give him what I know he will eat as his weight is a source of worry to me.

All of the good eating habits in the world do not stop some children being hard to feed.

Can you tell I feel a little defensive? Thank God DD eats everything happily, it proves that it wasn't anything I did wrong.

Things that have worked with DD in her worst period:

Vegetable puree in pastry
Tiny meat balls in pastry
Mixing vegetables in blender with pasta sauce
Lentil soup (red lentils, onion, carrots, potato)

I hope this helps.

Interesting that quite a few people report fussiness coming in at around two, just when toddler tastebuds are becoming very sensitive to the bitter flavours of some veg.

Might have been an evolutionary advantage back in hunter-gatherer societies when you didn't want your children scoffing wild berries and being killed, but it's a right royal pain in the bum in the 21st Century!

Yes, edam...it's very true!! Both of mine ate for England until around 18 months, particularly DC2...then everything was hated/loved/hated. Still, we set food in front of them, and they manage to find something on the plate. I'm glad we've not given in to their tastes...we'd be eating nothing but fish fingers and spaghetti hoops if we did!!!

humphrey, i so agree with you. with ds1 it's more that he's just 'not bovvered' and can easily go for days without eating if I didn't cajole etc. Still today, inspired by this thread, I cooked spag bol and he did eat it.

For those of you who think it's about being firm etc. I have been all of those things. He just doesn't eat anything - sometimes for several days. So I do end up having to give him one meal every day which I know he's likely to eat (even then he doesn't always).

Also, for those of you being quite self righteous, I do think there is a 'genuine issue' with food and some kids. I'm not sure what it is. But I know other kids whose speech perhaps gets worse when they are stressed, or who start wetting the bed. No-one would say that's down to 'bad parenting'. My ds1's eating gets worse. It's not because he's being manipulative or trying to control me. By the way, I do have 2 other children so I know it's not my parenting.

fishfingers & spaghetti hoops - not that bad, you get protein, carbs and a little tomato (processed tomato better than flesh in some senses as it breaks down the tough cell walls and makes more lycopene available). If you could persuade him to have a dollop of ketchup and some peas as well, it'd be a bonus. Or those pollack or salmon fishfingers that have omega-3.

fresh, not flesh!