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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that it's really very rude to uninvite us to dinner?

46 replies

drivingmisscrazy · 10/08/2010 19:29

bit of background: DP and I have DD 18mo, since when our social life has gone into freefall taken a bit of a knock. A couple that we know invited us all to dinner and to stay overnight (they live about 2.5 hours drive in a Envy house, no kids) so we were totally looking forward to this. They are great hosts and into their food and wine (as am I), so I had planned to take them some fresh homegrown veg, jam, something baked. We also had to borrow a travel cot for DD to sleep in. This was supposed to be Friday - get a phonecall today which I think is directions ('oh', I say blithely, 'I'll just go and get a pen') but is actually calling it off. Am Blush and Angry - I wouldn't do this unless I actually couldn't host the dinner. AIBU? (I don't think I am, obv)

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 10/08/2010 19:30

What was the reason given?

rubyslippers · 10/08/2010 19:30

There must be a reason?

LadyintheRadiator · 10/08/2010 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 10/08/2010 19:30

Depends - what was their reason?

Dinkytinky · 10/08/2010 19:31

Did they say why?

piratecat · 10/08/2010 19:31

i can't comment unless you tell us why they called it off.

Hassled · 10/08/2010 19:32

Did they give a reason? Was it a good reason?

If they're usually reliable and nice, then I think you just need to let it go - they could have had a bloody great big row, they could have all sorts of other major issues they might not want to share with you and hosting a dinner like this is more than they feel able to manage.

weegiemum · 10/08/2010 19:32

Did they give you a reason?

Today is Tuesday, so calling off for Friday seems OK to me, even if it just that they are going to be too tired etc ....

I think you would not BU to be a bit :( but to be Angry is a little much. These things happen!

Clayhead · 10/08/2010 19:33

SOmething similar happened to me last Christmas - turns out my friend's wife was pregant, it was very early days and they didn't want to say anything but she felt really rough. I was sad at the time but it all made sense a while later.

AnyFucker · 10/08/2010 19:35

maybe something happened ?

bereavement in the family ?

massive marital row ?

perhaps your social life is not really top of their priority list at the moment ? Hmm

ChippingIn · 10/08/2010 19:38

Did she give you a reason?

Even if she didn't, you say 'a couple we know' - not even 'friends', so I don't get why this is such a big deal. A little disappointing maybe, but not this much of a problem.

Why not go away to a cheap B&B for the weekend instead? Or even a cabin at a campsite or something?

CoteDAzur · 10/08/2010 19:38

What AnyFucker said. You might very well BU.

Original poster
drivingmisscrazy · 10/08/2010 19:40

said that they were too tired and busy - which would be fine, except that this arose out of meeting one of them at a conference, I then contacted them to follow up, saying as I did that if they were too busy/stretched etc that wasn't a problem...

I'm sure my social life is not even on their radar tbh, which is why I feel a bit hurt by it

OP posts:
OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 10/08/2010 19:41

We had to do this last year when I was newly pregnant, had horrendous all day morning sickness and because of a previous m/c didn't want to say why at that time.

Original poster
drivingmisscrazy · 10/08/2010 19:44

onetwo well that is an excellent reason (and we didn't see people much when expecting DD for exactly the same reason, also following a m/c - hope everything went well for you) - but can't possibly apply in this case - lesbian couple both in their 50s...

OP posts:
autodidact · 10/08/2010 19:44

Did they offer another date? Sorry you're feeling disappointed. Maybe they didn't realise how much you were looking forward to it?

LucyGoose · 10/08/2010 19:45

Seems a bit strange....

ChippingIn · 10/08/2010 19:46

Well, you said 'if they were too busy/stretched it's not a problem' so either she's taken you at face value and said that 'right now' they are too tired and stetched or in some way you made her feel you didn't want to go in the way you said it, so she's bottled it, thinking you don't want to go.

ifancyashandy · 10/08/2010 19:48

Umm.... lesbians (even old(er) ones!) can have babies!

UnholyMoley · 10/08/2010 19:50

Particularly older ones, in my experience Grin

booyhoo · 10/08/2010 19:51

tbh you did tell them that if they were too busy/stretched then it wasn't a problem. most likely they have gone home, realised ho wmuch they have to do betwen now and then and decided it would be too much and tehy would work themselves into atizzy getting ready for it. some people really stress about having guests. me for one. i would actually have a coronary if i thought i was going to have to host dinner and an overnight stay for a family. i would be so nervous.

Merrylegs · 10/08/2010 19:55

Yes, I think they were a bit rude, actually. Being too tired and busy is a rather ungracious excuse, even if it is true.

Original poster
drivingmisscrazy · 10/08/2010 19:56

indeed, i am one myself and i have a baby - well, 18mo Smile, and i have to say that there's not a snowball's chance in hell that pregnancy is the reason they've called it off.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/08/2010 20:01

let me get this right

you have met this couple only once...at a conference ?

and you arranged to drive 2.5 hours to go to dinner at their house ?

where you all drunk at the time ?

I am getting the "woke up in the morning...wtf did I say..." vibe here Grin

Original poster
drivingmisscrazy · 10/08/2010 20:06

no, I've known them for over 15 years - one of them now works in the US for part of the year so I see them far less frequently. I've been to dinner at their house many many many times. We have a lot of mutual friends - but I wouldn't say they are like family or anything like that - it just seems a bit odd to have extended an invitation when they could easily have got out of it at that stage, only then to withdraw it later -

OP posts:
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