to think that it's really very rude to uninvite us to dinner?

[drivingmisscrazy]

bit of background: DP and I have DD 18mo, since when our social life has gone into freefall taken a bit of a knock. A couple that we know invited us all to dinner and to stay overnight (they live about 2.5 hours drive in a house, no kids) so we were totally looking forward to this. They are great hosts and into their food and wine (as am I), so I had planned to take them some fresh homegrown veg, jam, something baked. We also had to borrow a travel cot for DD to sleep in. This was supposed to be Friday - get a phonecall today which I think is directions ('oh', I say blithely, 'I'll just go and get a pen') but is actually calling it off. Am and - I wouldn't do this unless I actually couldn't host the dinner. AIBU? (I don't think I am, obv)

oh, ok

so if you have spent many a happy hour with them, you know they are not normally flaky un-inviters

so why are you so peeved at this ?

something has happened for them and you are being a spoilt little girl, frankly

I think this is getting a bit out of hand but I guess that's the nature of AIBU threads - anyfucker I have to hand it to you for your ability to argue on both sides of the case....

Yes, I suspect it's something personal and/or difficult. Let it go.

have let it go - told them not to worry about it - it's not something I would do is all. Of course I'll let it go (and this thread is part of that - for which I thank you all), and clearly I am in a minority in thinking that it's rude to do this.

I just don't get why you are so affronted

and why you seem to be taking it as a personal slight

< shrugs >

I think it's rude and I would be annoyed at such a non-reason too!

I would assume though that there is a
something else going on - maybe they had a stonker of a row or something.

anyways, it's not the end of the world is it

now if you were looking for a home for that fresh veg, jam and baking, I'm all yours

Sounds like a reasonable amount of notice to me.

Have you never ever arranged something and then wished you hadn't? Or had something come up?

It sounds as if they thought you had known each other long enough to be comfortable saying 'actually I'd really rather not' when in fact you are clearly not good enough friends to do that.

because I suspect it is a personal slight and that if we were a bit more important/richer/interesting then the invitation might have stood - but it's totally possible that they have had a huge row, which would not be something they'd want to share. Fair enough.

It's rude to do it without giving a reason - they have given a reason. That's not rude - it's just how life is working out for them atm.

I think that:

a) they've had a row

or

b) you really annoy them and this is them getting out of the situation

or c) one of them is ill

or d)they are tired, stressed and busy

Any of those are good reasons in my view. You need to get some new weekend plans.

i admire their honesty really
i wish it was more socially acceptable to be able to say "look i am too tired"
i feel like this all the time and either end up going through with something i don't want to, or making a lame sounding excuse (i.e. lying)
i'd much rather people could say "sorry, not this week"
i have a lovely friend and she tells me when she is too tired to do stuff
i am glad she does, i would much rather know if she is having a rough time than have her pretend she is fine for the sake of politeness

Book a babysitter and go and have a really good night out on Fri involving far too many cocktails and a kebab.

mumblechum - now there's an idea!

They have given you almost a week's notice that it is cancelled, really not seeing the issue.

If they had called on Friday afternoon that would be one thing.

I would be very disappointed and so I understand your disappointment and I think you have been bashed about a bit on here grin.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say YANBU.

DH and I get rare nights out with friends/without DS and if one gets cancelled for whatever reason, I get a bit :( Not angry with cancelling friends, just a bit :( that I won't be seeing them.

I think that the MNers making remarks like "maybe you should get some new weekend plans" are a bit weird. Should the OP make back-up weekend plans for if her original plans fall through?

that was a

bashed about ?

give over

yes, it's possible given that they have a busy social life that they would have no idea how rare a treat this would be. But clearly mostly AIBU, so I will retire and ponder on the error of my ways :)

YANBU to be upset but they don't have children and can't possibly understand how disappointing this will be to you. Last christmas was my dear old friend's 30th birthday. She was having a wild party but as DH works weekends I couldn't go up to london for it, so suggested I come up during the day and leave when DS started to get cranky, before the party got in full swing. She lives with another old school friend and there is a third in london who was going too. We usually meet up every xmas time but one friend's dad was sadly dying so she wouldn't be able to make it, and the other was going away. Anyway, I called friend on the day and they had all left xmas shopping to the last minute/had single glamorous plans and were expecting me to rock up at about 5pm I pointed out that arriving at 5 and leaving at 8 wasn't really what I was expecting and they just hadn't thought it through. i was really irrationally upset and cried when I put the phone down . I was being a bit U to be so upset but there you go, it's hard when you have a toddler and not much opportunity for jollies.

Nah, you're NBU - but I'd give it a month (or however long before you expect to hear from them next) and if you haven't forgotten/heard a better reason/decided you don't care anyway, ask! What's the worst they can say? We don't like you any more? Unlikely