to not want to stay at my parents' while DP stays with his?

[irritatedOfTunbridgeWells]

We have lived together for 4 years. We are about to move overseas together. Every time we go back to our home town to see our families, he wants to stay with his parents by himself while i stay at mine.

My mother has various issues but one of the bigger ones (at least for me) is she wishes I'd never been born. and tha ti am disgusting and extremely silly for living with someone without being married. She tells me all this fairly often. My dad always sticks by his wife, and will absolutely never stand up for me when she is being vile to me.

I've been over all this again and again with DP, saying can we please find a different arrangement for going home. But he doesn't want me to get in the way of his nice catch-up with his parents.

I think we're adults, we live together, we should'nt be staying with out parents ike teenagers, and we should address this as a pair. But he doesn't want to. He loves his parents and doesn't want my weird family dynamic spoiling his visit to see his parents. This has happened now 5 times. He will not budge and says I should fix my problems with my family and they're always perfectly nice to him.

I am about at exploding point on this. I am seriously considering not moving overseas with him (even though I don't have a job at the moment).

dammit, posted too soon - meant to add:

What would happen if you did move overseas with him, and then whenever you came back to the UK, he still made you go and stay elsewhere than with his family - how would that make you feel? Because it would (apologies for swearing) fuck me right off.

TW - think they are both Australian, actually, just happen to be currently in UK.

"Overseas" was never defined, but I'm assuming it is neither UK nor homeland, and probably not NZ either (too close to home).

Maybe the OP could clarify situation regarding making friends, as I may have quite the wrong idea about an academic - field trips point to a more rounded individual ...

than someone locking themself away within an ivory tower :)

Of course, given the partner is an Aussie guy, it explains a lot

Only kidding for all you readers who are Australian, or are married to one... but I just couldn't resist...

Just as well, NG!
My DH has no problem with me staying at MIL's with him - in fact, given his way, we'd be there every bloody weekend. Thankfully that's not possible (too complicated to explain why without complete hijack again) but he wouldn't be happy if I didn't want to go too.

My first fiancé was a bit of an arse in this respect for ages - I would go to his mum and stepdad's house with him but would not be allowed to see his mum or stepdad. It was quite a large house - the staircase went up the middle and then one wing went down to his room, the other went to the living room and kitchen. Whenever we arrived or left, I was either directed to his room or left at the top of the stairs while he went and spoke with Mummy. I put up with it for about 6m (I was only 17 though) before starting to question this behaviour, which was pretty mannerless.