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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grr pregnancy belly touching has started already and I'm only 13 weeks.

49 replies

DetectivePotato · 09/08/2010 19:15

I'm not a big fan of people 'in my personal space' at the best of times. When I'm pregnant, it seems to be worse. It is my belly!

MIL kept doing it last pregnancy. Every time she saw me she would rush over and say "oh is it kicking" and start rubbing my belly. I hated this and would try and put her off by saying "oh no baby isn't kicking now" (which it wasn't, I wasn't lying). I also have a weird 'thing' with my belly button. I am very very squemish about it and I am cringing right now. I hate hate hate anyone going remotely near it. Euughhhhhh. When people touch your stomach, its always in the middle and its horrible.

Anyway, I saw MIL yesterday and the first thing she did was to rub my 13 week belly (which is pretty small). Grrrrrr. I know I am being oversensitive but it grates. I don't know anyone else who does it. No one in my family do and I have been lucky enough to not have strangers doing it as my friends have. SIL also started last time too then was inviting her DH too feel my belly too whilst I sat there wondering if it was actually a part of my body.

Probably being hormonal but does this bother other people too?

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 09/08/2010 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pjmama · 09/08/2010 19:22

Just ask them not to do it! Just because they're family doesn't mean you have to grin and bear it. Tell them you don't like it.

If they persist, then everytime she does it just reach up and grab one of her boobs. I bet she stops! Wink

mumatron · 09/08/2010 19:25

my mil does this [anger]

i know this is her first gc but seriously, stop touching me and stop talking to my bump in that stupid baby voice ''hewo my lully lickle bwaby''

MrsC2010 · 09/08/2010 19:28

My mother is the only one who does this, DH had his hand on my belly one evening and she came rushing over and shoved her hand on in his place saying 'is it kicking, is it kicking?' I said no, to which she replied, 'well what's he feeling then?' (They get on very well, this isn't pent up aggression!) Errr, he's just being affectionate to his wife and unborn child! I know she's my mum and we're very close, but I don't feel comfortable with her rubbbing my belly etc which is weird.

Haven't had it from anyone else though.

notjustapuppymum · 09/08/2010 19:29

I hate it too - YANBU - definitely not! It is a huge invasion of your personal space and there is no other situation when it would be remotely okay to do this. For some reason when you're pregnant people think you're public property.

Interestingly I only had this problem with my in-laws too. Never with my family or friends.

What I did, was bring it up in conversation one day, saying how this woman at work kept doing it and that I found it incredibly rude etc etc. Think they then got the message as they didn't do it again.

Original poster
DetectivePotato · 09/08/2010 19:35

"If they persist, then everytime she does it just reach up and grab one of her boobs. I bet she stops!"]

PMSL, I did have that thought actually! Grin

Good idea about bringing it up in conversation. I'm not very subtle and I don't know how I would diplomatically say "please don't touch my belly, I hate it" DH knows I don't like it but he won't tell her.

Glad I'm not being dramatic about it either.

I even thought of getting one of those horrible t shirts with a big slogan on it saying "hands off my bump" or something. Grrr.

OP posts:
storminabuttercup · 09/08/2010 19:51

I'm with you on this one. My mil was doing this from about ten weeks, hardly see her but she just lunges at me. I lost my temper when we bumped into her in town and she started rubbing my tummy in the shopping centre.
When she did it this weekend my oh said 'mum maybe you shouldn't just rub storms tummy, its a bit invasive, she may mind it you know.'
To which the reply was 'well she better not mind its my grandchild in there'
Grr

Original poster
DetectivePotato · 09/08/2010 19:58

Oh that reply would have really put my back up!!!

OP posts:
storminabuttercup · 09/08/2010 20:06

Trust me it did mine!

xstitch · 09/08/2010 20:31

I saw a pregnant woman with a fantastic t-shirt recently. It had a picture of 2 hands and the message: 'Hands off the bump!' Loved it,

PussinJimmyChoos · 09/08/2010 20:39

YABU

Everytime my mum sees me she kisses my tummy and says hello to it

I'm just flattered people are so pleased I am pregnant and I would love for my MIL to actually be alive to rub my tummy as she died 18mths ago or so and would have been over the moon that I was preg again

Needaname · 09/08/2010 21:33

YANBU. It's rude not to ask permission. I made the mistake with DD1 of inviting MIL to feel a kick and spent the next four months with her lunging at belly at every opportunity uninvited. DH was under instructions to mention is after the second attempt in an hour with the current one yesterday so hopefully that's put a stop to it.

lifeas3plus1 · 09/08/2010 21:37

Xstich I had that T-Shirt in my last pregnany. I usually hate logo t-shirts but I was so fed up of random strangers in the shopping centre coming up to me and patting my bump and trying to make idle conversation when all I needed to do was go to the toilet because the baby was bouncing on my bladder.

It was only ever strangers for me though. Never family and friends. Think that makes it even worse.

YANBU. I hated it.

Ulysses · 09/08/2010 21:43

I've never had it done to me, but the other week I met a colleague who I get on really well with in the lift and instinctively went to pat her tummy. I think it's the only time I have ever done it to someone else, but nevertheless I'm mortified that it would provoke the kind of response that it seems to instil going by your reactions.

I hardly think it's "fucking rude" though.

StrawberryTot · 09/08/2010 21:45

YANBU, i find it quite rude if people don't ask but once they did i usually let them even though i never particularly liked it. oddly enough i also have a wierd thing about my belly button and throughout both pregnancies i wouldn't let the midwife near my belly unless absolutely necessary, it was stipulated in my notes "no belly touching", everytime i went appointments i always got an odd look for that Wink

JaynieB · 09/08/2010 21:46

I think I must have perfected the 'don't even think about it' look as no-one touched mine without asking first! Either that or I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by very polite people.

Madinitials · 09/08/2010 21:49

I can't bear that. With my last pregnancy, a friend at work grabbed my bump and said "god, it's huge!!" I asked him if he would mind if I grabbed his arse and said the same.

When PIL kept grabbing it I said "woah, this is Mad you're touching up, not the actual baby" in a jokey way, soon put them off.

No one has grabbed it so far but still got 25 weeks to go.

Congratulations by the way.

TooBlessedToBeStressed · 09/08/2010 22:00

YANBU..when i was pregnant,i HATED it,and people would not stop touching me,i attend a church,you know how that is,,then at my workplace,all ladies ,i go to a language class and my male classmate wanted to put his hands,i turned away,the look of hurt on his face,even asked me WHY NOT?IN A RUDE WAY,ARE YOU KIDDING ME??,it was like suddenly i my bump was public property,no family member ever got the chance to touch coz they are all in different parts of the world,however i just told my hubby now,next time im pregnant i will get one of those t shirts as well..

invasion of my space really,its still my stomach,,MINE,,hands off,,

Original poster
DetectivePotato · 10/08/2010 09:11

I'm glad I'm not the only one with the belly button thing, although mine is all the time, not just when I am pregnant. I may have to get it put on my notes too as I have to mention it every time I have a scan or app where they feel your belly. I get very funny looks. My friends think its weird.

I had to have a laparoscopy a few years ago and it was done 'in there'. The doctor was explaining about the procedure when I told him he couldn't touch me there and explained why. He looked at my funny then went to do it anyway. I jumped back a mile and DH reminded him that I really didn't like it.

I like the "this is me you're touching up, not the baby" Think I can use that!

OP posts:
Palace39 · 10/08/2010 09:19

My MIL keeps doing it too- it pisses me right off. The only plus point is that despite my boy being very lively, never once has he kicked when she has been manhandling me. I rub this in, often. Being the totally over-sensitive and irrationally childish person she is, she believes the child does not like her.

Result.

siilk · 10/08/2010 09:21

Drives me insane. But I think I have also perfected the 'stay away' vibe thing. I had a major falling out with my mum and sister. They thought I was a little strange for not liking it. I firmly reminded them that I have never been a touchy feely person so why on earth would I be now? Grrr

emptyshell · 10/08/2010 11:24

Oh good - someone else who has the belly button thing where they can't stand being touched on it! Husband thinks I'm mad (as usual) for that one!

Gloupgloup · 10/08/2010 11:27

I understand the feeling but somehow, did exactly that yesterday and I'm mortified ! A lady (not even a friend) I know told me she was pregnant and when I was congratulating her, I have stroked her belly ???? Why ???

PickleSarnie · 10/08/2010 11:38

I just find it weird. What do they expect to happen? It perform on demand or something?

I have NEVER touched a pregnant womans belly other than my own. I've always been a bit freaked out by pregnant women. Perhaps I was a bit emotionally scarred from watching Alien all those years ago?

MrsFC · 10/08/2010 12:06

YANBU I hate it - it's soo invasive. I smile and then actually knock their hand away with my wrist, followed by 'I'm sorry, but don't touch me - I hate that'.

It's a bit rude I know - but it's the only way to get my point across...!

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