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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you could say I do again would you do it differently?

67 replies

iliketodance · 08/08/2010 20:43

Its the time of year to dust down your glad rags and attend hen do's and weddings,but have you began to think arghhh not another hen do or wedding and thought its all so the same, Weddings just dont seem to be fun anymore.
B&G get carried away with all the minor details that cost thousands,I just wander when its us we will do it so that its about me and dp and dc and the people we are closest to us being a great part of it with not all the cost.
For me its a special day and as long as im with the man I love who cares if its not all colour coordinated,and costing thousands we love each other and thats all that matters.
So if it was you would you change anything about your special day if you could do it all again?.

OP posts:

NiftyGeranium · 09/08/2010 00:28

i wouldnt have bothered

midlandsmumof4 · 09/08/2010 00:46

No-Have just celebrated our Silver Wedding..... The first words my husband said to me on our wedding day was 'I do'-we'd had a row over my hen night two days before. He only knew the week before that we were getting married tho' and it coincided with the main holiday so hardly anyone could come although we shared our 'honeymoon' with most of our family (and our 3 yr old son) cos I booked the same resort.

midlandsmumof4 · 09/08/2010 00:50

Should say we've just had a huge party for our 25th complete with 3-tier cake to make up for the wedding reception we never had. Although quite a few couldn't make it this time either. .

superdragonmama · 09/08/2010 01:09

Married twice here.

First time I was a true bridezilla, 150+ guests, lots of attention to all those details that seem so vital at the time, pretty expensive. I kind of loved it but felt 'on show' all day which seemed an odd way to feel at my own marriage. Not unpleasant so much as odd; I felt a bit distanced from the whole affair. Seemed a bit like I'd spent so long concentrating on all the details to please all the guests, I'd sort of lost track of why I was getting married at all. Was very thankful when got divorced 17 years later, and never imagined I'd ever marry again. But. . . .

. . . .remarried last year. We wanted a small, fun, cheap wedding - really only wanted us plus 2 witnesses, but with 4 kids between us, seemed a bit mean to exclude them. Ended up with about 60 of us, at registry office, then back to our house - definitely a bit cosy!!! - where I'd had loads of fun making cakes - 18 of them - and we ate cake and drank lots for ages. Someone went out for fish and chips for tea. Everyone said they loved it; most importantly, dh and I loved it.:o

I did it completely differently second time round and IME it was vastly better to keep it small and fun.

kickassangel · 09/08/2010 01:23

i was quite young & living miles from the wedding, so let my parents organised it &in those circumstances would do it again.

if i was getting married now, in my 40s, i would have just me & whoever it may be (still married to dh), BUT i would buy a fuck off huge dress - we had quite a limited budget last time, and once, just once, i'd love to have something huge & magnificent. i'd prob prance around the house in it for years afterwards

solo · 09/08/2010 02:27

I'd definitely do it differently! I'd say 'I don't!'

3Trees · 09/08/2010 07:27

I have never been married, (I am getting married in October)

DP has been married twice before.

We have put a LOT of thought into our wedding and made it soemthing that is what WE want it to be, I hope that we will look back on it fondly and not wish to have changed anything!

DingALongCow · 09/08/2010 07:47

I'd probably want to be a little more involved as my mum and DH did all the planning - I was in my final year at university in Scotland and we were getting married in Kent. There were a few details e.g. getting the guests from the wedding venue to the reception that didnt go smoothly.
I'd also would have chosen my own dress. DH chose it and it is a beautiful shade of blue, just a material that was very unforgiving on my lumps and bumps.
But overall it was a lovely day, but I went into it just wanting to get married, the rest was just a bonus.

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 09/08/2010 08:06

Ours was a lovely, small family wedding but the only regret I really have is not having professional photos done.

My sister is marrying next year and I have told her to get a professional in!

yama · 09/08/2010 08:08

I wouldn't change a thing.

My dh would though. I arranged the Ceilidh Band (great) and he was in charge of hiring a dj for afterwards.

The dj was, without a doubt, the worst dj in Scotland. I thought it was hilarious as I was doing the hand actions for YMCA. I was a bit annoyed though that he wouldn't play The Proclaimers as they were 'sectarian' - WTF?

FourArms · 09/08/2010 08:08

We got married abroad, and I did enjoy it, but I wish I'd held out for somewhere a bit more expensive. Because we knew our parents and my sisters were coming, we were a little bit steamrollered into going for a bargain. It was still lovely, and was AI, but those Sandals adverts still get me each time!

Had quite a cheap wedding dress, which I loved, but spent more on DH's suit! Probably the right way round since he's worn his several times since then.

Had an evening reception when we got back, and that was so stressful, that I don't regret getting married abroad one bit. I'm very glad that stress wasn't on my virtually stress free wedding day (even though we did get married on 9/11!).

yama · 09/08/2010 08:10

Yes, Onetwobucklemyshoe, I wasn't that bothered about photos either but a friend told me it was the one thing she regretted. I'm so glad I listened.

EveWasFramed72 · 09/08/2010 08:11

Wouldn't change a thing...I initially wanted to elope, but DH talked me out of it...when I made the decision that our wedding was kinda for our families, it made it better...I could just focus on being excited about being married to DH...

And...I'm glad we had the church/reception thing after all. Lots of friends travelled from out of town (and from England to the US), it was lovely to see them, and lovely to celebrate with them. Everyone danced and had a brilliant time.

domesticsluttery · 09/08/2010 08:11

The only thing that I would have done differently would be to have a church blessing afterwards.

We got married in Portmeirion with only 10 guests. It was lovely and exactly what we wanted (we both hate fuss). A few relatives were offended at the time that they weren't invited, but they soon forgot about it.

mistletoekisses · 09/08/2010 08:11

Not a thing. We eloped - had our day with just the 2 of us. Then a huge party once back. Planned in two months and wouldn't change a thing.

MathsMadMummy · 09/08/2010 08:13

no! it was small and perfectly formed. and actually pretty cheap.

the only difference if we got married now would be that all my new mum friends would be there too (I didn't have any before as we'd just moved away) and therefore we'd make it a bit more child-friendly. the only child there was our DD, aged 17m. she called out 'daddy' in the middle of the ceremony :o

but actually, we did get married twice! basically there was some confusion with the rooms - we got married in a hotel, and it transpired that the room we'd booked actually may not have been licensed (we still don't know for sure!) - our poor event manager bloke was more upset than us! but we did the ceremony anyway. after when we were in the bar the registrar took us and our 2 witnesses into another room which was definitely licensed and did the legal bit again! we got our first kiss twice :)

it would've been quite easy to be angry about this mix up but I was so ecstatic to be marrying him that I just found it quite funny!

domeafavour · 09/08/2010 08:16

loved my wedding day, wouldn't do anything different, we had a great party.
just wish I hadn't married him!

ButterpieBride · 09/08/2010 08:20

Ask me in three weeks :D

rubbersoul · 09/08/2010 08:20

I've only been married for over a year and a half but I would have done it differently.. we wanted to elope somewhere but due to negative reactions stayed here and had a very small wedding at a registry with just family and a couple of friends. We really didn't want a big deal (and I still wouldn't-) but the actual ceremony didn't feel personal enough tbh. The registrar even got my husband's name wrong.

I've started going to church in the last year so think we will have a wedding blessing at some point in the future as I would very much like to have our marriage blessed.

roundthebend4 · 09/08/2010 08:21

yep I would change something that be getting married full stop , though not all abd as would not have my dd and ds

PosieParker · 09/08/2010 08:24

WE've been married two years and together for twelve, I wish we'd got married sooner when we had more money and I wasn't pg.

Bumblingbovine · 09/08/2010 08:31

I had two wedding days one very traditional with the white dress and all the trimmings and one much less formal with much less money spent . If I'm truly honest I enjoyed the day on the first one more. I had loads of friends there, and I do think it was a truly special party and event. The marriage unfortunately was shit.

The second wedding I spent much less money and time over organising it for various reasons and it showed. The day was fine but I still wish I had done it differently. I don't think I'd have done much different at all for the first day.

However the marriage that resulted from my second wedding day is so much better than my first that they can hardly be compared. I really don't think how good the wedding day was is any indication of the strength or otherwise of a marriage.

trumpton · 09/08/2010 08:33

35 years this month.... Dh mother arranged everything it was SO her day. Dh and I had been living together for 4 years ( shock horror in the 70's ) and we weren't allowed to tell any of her friends that we had been sharing a flat. We still had a blast although when I look at the photos it doesn't seem real. I don't regret it as he is a poc ( precious only child ) and her only chance to have the type of wedding she never had post war. When our DD got married I was very hands off to make sure that Dd and her Dh had things the way they wanted. To the point that she asked plaintively " Don't you care Mum?" I got more involved after that < interferring old bat emoticon>

SuzieHomemaker · 09/08/2010 08:35

Tomorrow we will have been married 19 years. We had our reception in a Chinese restaurant with just close family and friends. The only regret I have is that we didnt have a recording of the speaches (it wasnt that common at the time). My father died many years ago and I cant remember what he said only that on the day it was heartfelt.

CheeseandGherkins · 09/08/2010 08:35

I wouldn't have married him!

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