If you rarely saw your much loved (apparently) grandchildren, wouldn't you grab any chance you could?

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

Say you had planned to go somewhere about an hour's drive away for the day that was nowhere special, no special event, no tickets etc. ie. you could go there any time.

Say your DS and DIL ran you in the morning and invited you over for the day to play with the DGCs (also about an hour's drive) as they (DS and DIL) had a rare free weekend day (as DS often works weekends).

Say you only saw them once every 6-8 weeks and you professed that you loved them a lot and loved spending time with them, and you complained about how little you did get a chance to see them.

AIBU to think that most people would grab the chance and say 'hey ho, we'll go where we planned to another weekend - we'll be with you in a couple of hours'?

My PIL bemuse me!

You find them , in your own words, 'annoying' and now you say your eldest ds doesn't like them much! Surely seeing them every 6-8 weeks sounds about right - any more and you'll be seriously getting on eachothers nerves. I expect they talk about wishing they saw more of the gcs because they're aware you see your pArents twice a week and are worried they may be judged as 'second rate '. Tbh I think the key thing here is that you as DIL, and at least one grandchild don't actually like them that much. Do you honestly think they haven't picked up on that?

No I don't think you are BU at all.

But I do think that older people get locked into an idea or arrangement and even if it is movable or only applies to them, they can be utterly unflexible. It seems to unsettle them hugely to change anything pre-arranged even if it only affects them and was their own arrangement anyway.

I def notice this with my own parents and it drives me nuts but I wonder if it's an age thing.

Maybe not though, cos in laws are much more easy going. My own parents have never been very spontaneous people anyway and everything has to be factored in to the nth degree, so as the age it gets worse.

They seem upset if anything, no matter how minor, knocks the grand plan and it's not as if they don't have the spare time as they're both retired.

They also only seem to be able to manage one thing at a time or as they are fond of saying 'been absolute chaos..' (when it clearly hasn't)

It's how they are I guess

'It doesn't upset me in the slightest. I don't take offence, and my oldest doesn't even like them that much, anyway, so it's not about being offended on my DC's behalf either.'

Nice

Maybe that's it- they just don't like them either.

Yes I agree. And OP, if you're now going to claim that even though you and your ds dislike them, you both hide it well and act as though you find their company wonderful- well, perhaps they're doing exactly the same thing- they aren't really that keen to visit but cover their tracks by saying how much they miss the grandkids and want to see them more often!!

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this has already been said. Ime parents tend to like notice of invites - it is very much an age thing. Spontaneity and older age rarely mixes. My dm was mortified that my sil called to say she was on her way over to visit. Pretty rude of my sil to not phone first to ask whether my dm was free but my dm's reaction will be going on for weeks unfortunately.

Also I assume you know when your dh is working and when you have free weekends so you could have sent an invite earlier. Sounds a bit last minute thinking to me and may leave your pils thinking they are an afterthought and only invited when you have nothing better to do.

Say you has plans you were looking forward to and some rellis called at last minute and invited you over . You'd be justified to sY no thanks!

They obviously have a life and interests outside of the family and dont want to drop everything at the last minute-nothing strange about that.

You also sound like you feel your own parents are much better grandparents than them, wonder if they have picked up on this too and dont like visiting as they feel inadequate? Ive noticed a lot of my friends treat their in laws in this way which is sad.

My FIL doesn't visit very often, and has never offered to look after the DCs, and if we asked him to visit having had virtually no notice he would undoubtably say no.

However he is a good GF, and the DCs love him. If either of my DCs ever said they didn't like him, I would feel very sad, and would try to do everything I could to rectify the situation. OP, you seem to be quite pleased that one of your DCs doesn't like their GPs. THAT is bizarre IMO.

Ha! Ha! Yeah OP, I used to think that. Sadly, some PILs are like chocolate kettles.

YANBU :(

Good point, undercova.

Very weird ideas as to what GP should be. My parenst adore my dc but have hardly ever done anything in terms of childcare, babysitting, doing the night shift so we can sleep, this in spite of two very traumatic births and dh and I have no other family to ask for help.

It's how it is. They're not into babies and aren't confident enough to babysit three bigger kids at once. If I compared them to friends' parents who are very hands-on and who do everything from helping out at night so that they can get some sleep to having the kids for the whole weekend so they can go away, maybe I'd think they were useless GP, too. But they're not. They just have their way of doing things, their way of helping, and strengths that are unique to them. And my kids love their GP, and were devastated when my fil died earlier this year even though they only ever saw him a handful of times a year.