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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or are most men like this?

29 replies

luciemule · 08/08/2010 09:33

My sister had a baby yesterday and her dh had posted some cute pics on a social network website.

Last night, dh was reading his book and when I said "come and look at the pictures", he replied "it's just a baby....I'm readin my book".

I went a bit loopy (hence he slept on the sofa!) saying how could be so cold and heartless. Then I asked him how would he feel if I said that later on in the year when his sister has her second baby? He didn't reply.

AIBU or do you reckon most men would be like this? He could have simply got up, walked over to the laptop, made some "ah he's lovely" type comments and then gone back to his book.

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 08/08/2010 09:35

I dare say a fair few are like that... doesn't surprise me at all...

tethersend · 08/08/2010 09:36

I think I agree with your DH.

Newborns do all look the same...

What book was he reading?

LittleMissHissyFit · 08/08/2010 09:36

oh and it was your sister???? so his BIL posted the pics???

OK, BIL rivalry, of course he's not going to show an interest....

Callisto · 08/08/2010 09:37

I have no interest in seeing pictures of babies either, though I can fake interest if necessary. I certainly wouldn't make DH sleep on the sofa over not wanting to see a pic of a baby - you're totally unreasonable imo and if I was you're DH I'd be seriously pissed off with you.

KathyImLost · 08/08/2010 09:38

Wow, sleeping on the sofa is s bit harsh...

nagoo · 08/08/2010 09:40

YABU.

I think I'd be a bit Hmm he didn't want to lok at my niece/ nephew, but YABU for going ballistic about it.

They do all look 'like a baby' really.

MadAboutQuavers · 08/08/2010 09:44

Yes, he's being a bit ignorant. He could have just had a quick peek, even if it was just to keep you happy.

I do think your reaction is a bit OTT though.

overmydeadbody · 08/08/2010 09:46

I think you oer-reacted.

I would probably have the same attitude as your DH. It is only a picture of a baby, after all.

But yeah, he could have looked up and made some noise to pacify you.

Original poster
luciemule · 08/08/2010 10:06

okay - that's that then. The sofa thing was kind of a joint thing - he agreed he'd rather sleep on the sofa Grin.
I just think iof the ball was on the other foot.....ie, "come and have a look at this sportsbike picture" for example, he would tell me I never take an interest in stuff he likes.

OP posts:
StrawberryTot · 08/08/2010 10:21

he could possibly have been a little interested (if only faked :))but to sleep on the sofa was a little much for something so trivial, although i must admit that me and my dp are both not massively keen on babies (apart from our own :o) so this situtation is never likely to arise in our house thankfully.

DuelingFanjo · 08/08/2010 10:24

other people's children bore me tbh. though had it been his own sibling's child I would have expected him to be more interested.

So - I think YABU to have reacted this way. he slept on the sofa over that?!

ccpccp · 08/08/2010 10:34

YABU

Most Men dont give a fuk about babies, except their own. Never have, never will.

Not surprised he offered to sleep on the sofa judging from your insane reaction! You know thats his way of punishing YOU, right? He isnt the one in the dog house this morning.

TrillianAstra · 08/08/2010 10:43

I am also cold and heartless in that case.

If I had got to a good bit in my book no way am I leaving it to look at a picture (which will still be there later) of a baby (who will look like all babies look).

mangoandlime · 08/08/2010 10:49

You sound a joy to live with. He probably thought you were commanding him to look, which probably pissed him right off when he was in the middle of a good book.

TrillianAstra · 08/08/2010 10:55

Also I object to your saying 'men are like this'. Interest in babies vs books is not necessarily distributed along gender lines.

MrsC2010 · 08/08/2010 10:56

I think you had a little bit of an over-reaction!

SlobbyBOB · 08/08/2010 10:58

Sorry I would have done the same.

"Yeah cute baby, looks like her".

"Ohhh shiney things."

We just dont get excited about babies unless they are our own.

mountainmonkey · 08/08/2010 11:07

Think you were waaaaay overreacting! Yes his response was annoying. I think most men (and a lot of women too) wouldn't be that interested. My Dp would probably have humoured me in this situation, come over, had a look, gone "oh yeah, very nice" and then gone back to whatever he was doing. Your Dh was a bit rude to you but not enough to merit him sleeping on the sofa!

notnowbernard · 08/08/2010 11:18

Am quite certain DP would have got up to look but am also certain his interest would have lasted all of 3 seconds

Heracles · 08/08/2010 14:07

"I just think iof the ball was on the other foot.....ie, "come and have a look at this sportsbike picture" for example, he would tell me I never take an interest in stuff he likes."

And if he'd got so mad you ended up sleeping on the sofa we'd all be calling him an unreasonable prick. You see?

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 08/08/2010 14:24

I think people are being a bit harsh - I don't imagine the OP said "look at this picture now or you are sleeping on the sofa!", presumably it started an argument that left them both too pissed off to sleep together. (Correct me if i'm wrong OP)

I think he was rude not to look, especially as he was reading a book (and I say this as a book lover). The exciting bit will still be there in 2 mins when you get back from being a nice person.

I'm sure nobody expects him to be as excited as if it were his own child. If my DP were excited about such a big event in his sister's life, I think it would be churlish for me to not even acknowledge it.

McSnail · 08/08/2010 15:19

Tbh, I can't be arsed looking at pics of newborns either.

They all look like lizards to me.

emptyshell · 08/08/2010 16:05

I can't go mushy over other people's babies - I can't even go mushy over those arty black and white photos you get of muscly bloke holding ickle baby (although the muscly bloke part does do pleasant things to my knees)... I just think "oh nicely done photograph" generally.

Men generally fall into that kind of category (apart from muscly bloke thing) - I'm currently trying to persuade my dear fella that no child of ours is going to be named Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader.

mayorquimby · 08/08/2010 16:07

yabu and sound really effing precious. He didn't want to look at pictures of a baby because he was doing something else, that's reasonable.
You on the other hand acted like a child because another adult didn't want to do something mundane and unimportant that you wanted him to do exactly when you wanted him and made it into an argument calling him cold and heartless.
"I went a bit loopy (hence he slept on the sofa!) saying how could be so cold and heartless."

How could he be so cold?how could you be so melodramatic and attention seeking?

BeenBeta · 08/08/2010 16:09

If DW had callled me over then yes I would have gone to have a look but telling him to sleep on the sofa - well quite frankly is way way over the top.

I know you are a doula, BF supporter and all that but really have you perhaps thought your DH is just not as interested as you are in babies, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. Its your job and he is probably bored to death with it and the way you reacted was symptomatic of the fact you have lost perspective.

TBH, most blokes dont think much at all about babies before they have one and after not much about anyone elses. I dearly love my children and wanted to have them in an abstract way but dont actually feel that interested in babies. Mostly the are just ugly, noisy and smelly. The only bloke I knew who was avowedly and openly keen on his DW having a baby ASAP just wanted to prove his manhood in his culture/religion/community - it didnt stop him eyeing up all the girls in the office though.