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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want another child but not want to do the baby bit again

42 replies

AnyFuleKno · 07/08/2010 20:47

I have one child who is 2.5 and I absolutely love her to bits. I feel like we are just getting organised now after really struggling for the first 2 years. Now that she is growing up she's really funny and imaginative and having her around makes my life so much richer. I would absolutely love another child, but I don't think I can do the baby bit again. When I think of all the equipment, the no sleep, the not knowing what's wrong when they cry, not to mention that the house has been an absolute shambles.

All my friends with DCs the same age have had or are having their second child, frankly rather than feeling broody when I see a baby it brings me out in a cold sweat!

Am I barking?

OP posts:

JaynieB · 07/08/2010 20:48

No. I have the same feelings sometimes! The thought of the first 6 weeks is the hardest..

FionaSH · 07/08/2010 20:51

YANBU. I feel exactly the same...

Original poster

AnyFuleKno · 07/08/2010 20:53

To make matters worse she seems to have created herself an imaginary sister, and spent ages today making a bed for her with all my cushions on the floor.

I think it is DHs turn to have the next baby

OP posts:

ib · 07/08/2010 20:54

I felt like that - but in the end it's only a few months and then the worst is over. Ds2 is now 4 mo and really interacting with ds1 - makes it all worthwhile.

Definitely not doing it again though!

JaynieB · 07/08/2010 20:55

My DD (3.5) is also obsessed with babies at the moment.

SloanyPony · 07/08/2010 20:56

Liberation through delegation.

Pity we can't.

Sometimes I want another baby but dont want to do the child bit

Might be easier next time? My babies were uber easy, that's probably why I feel the way I do...you might get one 2nd time up? Or just be more confident?

MiladyDeSummer · 07/08/2010 20:57

Not at all. There are seven years between my DD and DS.

Are you able to give it a little while? There are lots of nice things about newborns. They don't make the house a shambles IME if you BF and your other child is at school

I'd like one more baby but DS aged three (SN) still sleeps like a newborn (yawn) but I am considering it because I'm up most nights anyway and time is running out.

Depending on your age there's no rush. I think there's a lot of pressure on people to have another when the first child is two and that baffles me a bit because toddlers still need you a lot and are really fascinating.

YANBU, enjoy your DD and improved sleep for now.

kingnothing · 07/08/2010 20:59

If you genuinely want another child, could you consider adopting an older child? You would have to wait a couple of years as your DD is 2.5, but the process takes a couple of years. That way, when she is 4 or 5, you could look into adopting a toddler? It?s a massive consideration and throws up all sorts of issues and discussions, but if you really want another child, not another baby, then it could be something for you to at least consider?

Morloth · 07/08/2010 21:00

It is a bugger, took me 4 years before I even considered it.

I don't mind the very first 3 months when they are just snuggly blobs but we are just moving into the annoying needing to be entertained but not really able to communicate phase, roll on 1 year!

maxpower · 07/08/2010 21:02

YANBU babies can be hard work and I think we all reach points when we think, no I'm never doing this again.

zeno · 07/08/2010 21:03

YANBU - it's a relief to me to hear that other people feel like this.

Definitely cold sweat territory.

Having said that, we did pluck up the courage to go round again and are very glad we did.

If we could get one off the shelf at age 18 months we'd have another one like a shot

I'm not sure this helps you much, since I'm well aware that our friends think we're barking for disliking the baby bit.

MissBonpoint · 07/08/2010 21:03

I have a six month old & I don't see myself ever doing all this again. My family is complete! Felt all panicky when I heard a friend was pregnant with No 2. Not for me.

MollieO · 07/08/2010 21:05

Ds is an only and frankly I have no tolerance at all of under 2s. We were in a shoe shop today - us and another family with an about 3 yr old and 18 month old. All the 18 month old did was whinge pretty vocally. Then the parents asked if they could change her nappy in the middle of what was a pretty small shop (I'd already accused ds - quietly - of farting, the smell was so bad!). I was pleased when the left and grateful that I won't be dealing with a child of my own of that age any time soon .

Original poster

AnyFuleKno · 07/08/2010 21:34

Thanks for all replies

I think part of it is friends saying 'you'd better get on with it' or 'don't want too much of an age gap' and that panics me a bit. I'm 32 so it's not terribly urgent but my mum hit menopause early 40s so I don't have ages either.

I think spending time this weekend with friends with a new baby has reminded me just how hard it was when dd was tiny. She was bf but would not be put down at all, and I felt like I didn't sleep for a year - I remember saying a lot that I was so tired that my brain itched. Because she was bf I had to do all the night wakings and stuff. I wouldn't change it though, the nice experience of bfing was about the only thing that made it bearable.

I am open to idea of adoption but I feel like it would just be a whim - the wanting another child but not a baby thing - and friends and family would think I was very strange..that's my fear.

Milady I think you've given a great insight there - there does seem to be an unwritten rule about having the next one when the first one hits two.

OP posts:

sanielle · 07/08/2010 21:40

Who care what family and friends think? If you want a child and you and your Dh are open to adoption, wanting a child isnt a whim. I hope I get to sdopt further down the line.. just have to convince DH!

CatIsSleepy · 07/08/2010 21:40

well before dd2 i was sort of dreading the tiny baby phase and I have to say it was pretty bad in some ways (dd2 was easier than dd1 in some ways, worse in others- much worse at sleeping unfortunately) but if you can survive the first 3 months or so it just gets easier all the time. Dd1 loves having a sister and dd2 is very gorgeous so it was worth the initial horror!

I couldn't face having another mind you

Spacehopper5 · 07/08/2010 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

zipzap · 07/08/2010 21:43

I'm wondering whether to go for no 3 - time's running out much sooner for me but I had a really difficult pregnancy and was very ill aferwards (dvt) as a result of it, so am scared as to whether or not to go for it, can't find any decent info on risks of going for it again and how dangerous it will be. and like you, just getting house sorted again after ds2, but when I see baby I do get broody but then get really scared about going through pregnancy again. (and the thought of putting on another 3 stone afer another one, still haven't lost weight gained after first two).

That aside, dh asked ds1 (5) if he thought he'd like any more brothers or sisters today when it sort of came up in conversation - ds1 reckoned that he would like 2079 and maybe 2 more

Could tell him that he definitely wouldn't be getting that number of sibs . And bizarrely it did make it much easier as a conversation that if he'd said he wanted another brother or a big sister this time (as he has done occasionally)...

MiladyDeSummer · 07/08/2010 21:51

There does seem to be pressure when the first child reaches two, I don't really get why but I escaped all that because I kicked my first husband into touch when DD was 6 months old.

You have a few years at 32 I'd have thought.

I'm very happy with my greater-than-two- years age gap between my children. See how you feel well DC1 is at school part-time?

Then again I have been commanded by the scary midwife assigned to me three years ago when I had DS that I have time for ONE more, just ONE! I am now thirty nine

isthatporridgeinyourhair · 07/08/2010 21:52

God YANBU. I felt the same way after DS1. The crying, the not sleeping, the drudgery of nappies, the not sleeping (did I mention that?) . I had said never again but in the end waited 5 years and had DS2 last year when we were all ready to do that stuff again.

I have to say even though you still get the crying, not sleeping etc you know how to deal with it so that you can focus on all the lovely bits - the cuddles, the smell of a new baby, their little sleeping faces. I enjoyed DS2 so much more as a baby because I was so much more chilled out about actually looking after a baby. He's one next week and I was watching him sleep today thinking that he's almost not a baby anymore and how much I'll miss that.

If you're not ready to have another child then don't - you're not missing the boat- there's plenty of time for you to change your mind, if that's what you want in a few years time.

TequilaMockinBird · 07/08/2010 21:54

I would quite happily do the baby bit again in return for not having to do the pre-teenage bit which I'm currently doing!

Seriously though, I know what you mean. I get very broody when I see my friends babys but not sure I could do all the sleepless nights etc again!

Original poster

AnyFuleKno · 07/08/2010 22:04

lol zipzap at 2079 + 2 siblings

gosh milady, some health professionals can be quite directive can't they! Reminds me of doctor we saw when dd was tiny who said 'You will breastfeed for one year'...makes me come over all teenagery

OP posts:

strawberrycake · 07/08/2010 22:16

I will give birth again, but I refuse to be pregnant...urgh...

Manda25 · 07/08/2010 22:51

TBH if you think you will want another t some point ...get on with it ...why prolong he misery ....and that's coming from someone with a 12 yr age gap. I dislike babies ...actually i am not great with anyone under 5 ... it is like a plaster ...do it quickly

Chynah · 08/08/2010 00:21

Felt exactly the same but went for a small gap on the grounds that if I let it go long enough for things to get back to reletive normal I could NEVER go through it again :) So 15 months between my two.

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